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My Husband Never Wants To Have Sex!

I am 24 and my husband is 25.  We have been together for 8 years and married for 6.  We are both healthy and have a 9 month old daughter. My problem started about 7 years ago when it seemed like my husband never wanted to have sex.  Then after a while it seemed like I was always initiating it and getting turned down!  He just shrugs it off and thinks that I being funny and laughs!  Mean while I feel rejected and depressed.  I didn't say anything for a while I pretty much let it build up for a while and then one night I had to much to drink and decided to bring up the issue.  He didn't seem to think that anything was wrong with our sex life and couldn't believe that's what I was mad about! I asked him if there was something wrong with me he said no.  Then I asked him if there was something wrong with him he said he doesn't think so.  I suggested that he gets checked out to see if somethings wrong since he assured me that it wasn't me.  Need less to say he never did and we have had about 4 or 5 more huge blow outs since then!  Nothing seems to change so I don't even bring it up anymore!  I don't understand it though because he is very affectionate. We are still young and I think we should be having sex more than once a month!  He thinks that its not that big of a deal.  I don't know what else to do!!??  He obviously is interested in sex because I find porn on our computer.  I also expressed to him that makes me feel like total S*IT to know that you looking at that **** but don't want to have sex with me!!  Again....I'm overexagerating!!  I'm starting to think that it's going to be like this for the rest of my life! It's making me paranoid that he is cheating, so now I'm checking our cell phone bills and always watching what he does (when I can) and I don't want to be that person who is jealous but I cant help it.  What do I do?
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A related discussion, i'm 30 and my husband is 28 was started.
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A related discussion, Lonely wife was started.
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OMG I thouht it was just me, my husband would rather watch porn and masterbate than have sex with me, I get it maybe once or twice a week and I'm soooooooooo sexualy fustrated he's not even affectionate towards me like he use to be, he says he's not cheating and wouldn't have married me if he didn't want me but I'm a lil depressed sometimes, I acuse him of cheating which I don't really know if he is I mean I personaly think its cheating when u lusting aftr these other porn chics and not ur own wife, I think sometimes he don't want me, I've threatened to leave him but he always seems to make me stay and I get soooo mad when I don't get any but find out he's been looking at porn wtf, idk what to do?
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A related discussion, How can you survive a relationship without enough sex?? was started.
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Gals,

Just found out about this great book coming out in Jan. 1st, 2008 called, The Sex-Starved Wife: What to Do When He's Lost Desire, by Michele Weiner Davis.  I can't wait to get my hands on it.  I'll let you know if it's any good.  At this point, anyththings worth a shot. ~ C
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My boyfriend (25 y/o) and I (19 y/o) are having almost exactly the same problems. We have been together for a year. We were originally only interested in the sex (which was quite good) but after about three months we thought we'd try our hand at a relationship. We were both very sexually active people. About a month after being together though, the sex started to decline in frequency. All the sudden I was wanting it and getting turned down! So it lessened to a few times a month, then never. We now haven't had sex in three months.

My boyfriend used to exercise a lot - 6 hours a night, several nights a week. He stopped about 5 months prior to meeting me. When he started showing disinterest in sex, he had not been physically active for about 6 months. Then, one night since I've known him, he's gone out and exercised and when he came home he was quite willing to hop into bed.

My question is, could this be the problem? I am not sure what the relationship between testosterone and exercise is, but the timing seems too coincidental.

He is currently taking an herbal supplement (Horny Goat Weed) because it is supposed to help with sexual appitite unlike Viagra, which just gives you an erection. We have not noticed any difference. So if exercise isn't the problem, is our only other option TRT?

Before we even begin looking into shots, I would like to know roughly how expensive it gets. We are both college students and we just had a baby so money is a bit tight. My boyfriend does not have medical insurance. Are we looking at thousands of dollars a year???

Our baby was born about three weeks ago and as soon as my doctor gives me the green light for sex, it will be very hard not to tackle him and rip off his clothes. The way things are right now, that would just end in a lot of crying and yelling. Please help!

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Well am I glad to know I'm not the only one with a man like this!  I've been with him for 25 years and there's not much physical intimacy in this relationship.  I was pregnant when we got married, so he bowed out of sex saying he was afraid of hurting me.  We have had good sex - when we have it.  I had sex and physical intimacy more frequently in prior relationships.  Not only does my husband have little interest in sex, he won't even snuggle in bed.  For the past year I moved into the guest room because I'm tired of feeling lonely lying next to him.  I feel less lonely when I'm alone.  I don't know the reasons he acts the way he does.  I know he masturbates in the shower and once I came home unexpectedly and found him masturbating on the couch to naked pictures he'd taken of me.  Maybe he's the type that prefers anonymous sex vs intimacy.  I even wonder if he's gay.  I asked him once and he didn't respond.  His father and mother seemed to have a decent relationship, but she told me once how his father hated women in general.  I think some of those attitudes filtered down to my husband so I wonder if withholding sex is a way to be in control.  
I've come close to having an affair a time or two because of my loneliness.  When I was on anti-depressants for a few years I had no sex drive so it didn't bother me so much.  I've dragged him to marriage counseling more times than I care to admit.  It never had lasting results because he only conformed while being held accountable.  Once counseling ended, he reverted back to his old ways.  He's a stubborn, self-centered man when it comes to relationships - he has no desire to improve our relationship.  He sits and watches TV and acts as if marriage and parenting as spectator sports.  After spending this much time together - for the sake of the children, who are now grown - I'm torn between getting the hell out vs. the old adage of "better the devil you know, than the one you don't."
To you younger people on this posting, I offer this.  Unless your man feels its a problem for him, he will never change or take action to make lasting changes.  Choose your priorities now, or you'll be sleeping in the guest room like me after 25 years.
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All you can do is change YOU.  Work on yourself right now.  Outside of a relationship, what makes you happy?  A friend, reading, movies, cooking, activities?  A pain in the butt, but exercising makes you healthier, feel good and a great stress reliever.  Do activities that make you feel good about yourself.  

You already know how highly addictive pain med's are...a temporary escape which makes you feel guilty afterwards, thus you take more...a vicious cycle.  I take Perc. occas. for a medical cond. so I know how easy it would be to cross that line, things are bad today, I deserve it.  Work on this before you tackle the relationship issue.  Do you have a friend that you can lean on for support through all this?  

As women, we often try to blame ourselves as it's what WE can control.  It's NOT your fault!  It's not because you think you're too this or too that.  You shouldn't have to try so hard to get his attention with perfect hair, make up, clothes, etc..  You shouldn't have to do everything he says or sacrifice who you are to get his attention. Doing nice things is wonderful, but not if you're trying to get something in return.  It's nice to look good for your guy, but not as a way to get him to need you.  And if that's the case, he's not a keeper.  You are good enough & deep down you know it's not you.  My situation (written in previous questions above) are regarding my husband's lack of sex drive.  The more I complain or get pissed the more he withdraws, thus I get even less.    

I'm no expert, but it seems as if far more is happening with your x that has nothing to do with you.  It could be so many things...stress, depression, addiction, med's (pain pills kill the sex drive & depress you too), an imbalance in hormones or something medical.  Your x may have some inner turmoil he's trying to deal with.  Maybe it is his sexual preference, but I cannot speculate on that, nor can I tell you how to find out.            

Just know woman to woman, It's not you!  Carry on with your life and try and be happy.  If it's meant to be, it will be.  He has to work through whatever he is battling.  If he continues to believe nothing is wrong, what is he to fix?  Only he can change himself.

I don't think 6+ years is a waste.  Haven't you learned a lot?...what you do & don't want for your future?  I spent 13 years with the same guy in abusive relationship.  A lot of resentment, but I am thankful for what I learned.  I found out what I wanted & needed for my future.  Keep writing!   ~ C
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I cannot believe I am here and clueless where to start. I am a 39yr old F and have just broke up with my boyfriend again after 6.5 yrs. We broke up several times throughout the relationship, 3 times for 3months. I dont know if my ex has a real medical problem or a closet problem. I almost lean torwads not gay but at this point I feel like I dont know anything. I am a very sexual passionate person who has to ask for sex just to get shot down or answered to "yes" and it never happen. I walk on eggshells thinking how will I approach him, what will I say. We never have make-up sex, we may do it 3-4 times a year. Im sick of this, I cannot keep beating myself up thinking something is wrong with me, I gained 50lbs out of emotional eating which I'm sure doesnt help me at all. But if it is the fat thing then why does he get back with me? So unhappy I cannot be with the one I love because he will not have sex with me, we fight about it and end up over. He says nothing is wrong with him and its the pills. He takes pain meds but our problem started before he was taking meds. If you love your partner you will have sex with them because it makes them happy but I can tell you that even when my ex had sex with me and I knew he didnt want to it sucked anyway so stressed through the whole thing I can never have an orgasim. Then theres the gay possibility, ehhhhhh help.
Why me? How can I just find out the truth. I have asked but he only got mad and says of course not. I can never ask now because he would just blow up. He has this thing about dressing everything has to be neat and perfect, ok so hes in touch with his feminine side right? I know he likes looking at women, even 2 women having sex together like on porn dvds, what does that mean? I catch him looking at other woman and I have become so jealous because why does he want to loook at anybody esle but me? I'm right here but nothing I do ever got his attention, no matter how nice I dress, or not dress, very little clothes, sexy things, hair, makeup...nothing works. I can be as sweet as he wants, do everything he wants and sacrifice so much but nothing. Even on my birthday he couldnt have sex with me. So we are done for now....I dont want to go  back because I know what I'm getting or should I say what Im not getting. 6.5 years down the drain...I had always hoped it would change...If I have been with a gay guy all this time I will be so &%$$#@@ pissed off. I think I have a right to know...I think his friends are the same..closet...I dont trust him around men or women..I am depressed and sick over this. I have hit rock bottom, all I do is take pain meds myself which is a whole other topic in itself. I feel like I lost everything. I'm sorry for rambling, thanks for letting there be a place like this to just express and see that we are not alone. Thanks
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That's a very cute name you have chosen, “I like!” :)
I think that there might be some ideas that I could share with you that hopefully you'll find helpful and possibly these ideas will also be helpful to some of the other's as well.

I agree with you about there being similarities and I have recently been coming across a lot of mention about Internet porn, excessive for some. The awful feelings that you're coping  with  are definitely not uncommon and it is important to find ways of expressing your feelings where other's relate. But you wrote that you are fairly sure that he has stopped and/or it is a lot less frequent then when you had been aware of him choosing to do  that. Maybe he did realize how much it was hurting you.

Are either of you taking an antidepressant medication?
All SSRI's demolish sexual desire and cause all variations of sexual dysfunction as I am sure you are aware. SSRI's will affect a mans sexual performance in some of the rudest of ways and can cause for potentially harming his confidence even if the medication isn't taken any longer. Antidepressant medication sometimes causes persistent sexual side effects even once the meds. Are no longer taken and what is scarier is that sometimes these sexual side effect have been known to be indefinite. (This condition is called Post SSRI sexual Dysfunction - PSSD) If it is that either or both of you are taking an SSRI there maybe awful withdrawal symptoms that can be long lasting. There is a web site that is very  informative and helpful that provides a tapering schedule that is unique to the medication your are discontinuing. Incase you may find this information helpful at some point – www.theroadback.org

Does your husband exercise regularly?
Do you ever exercise together in anyway – biking – hiking - etc?
If he does not exercise regularly what exercise might he be getting with his daily routine or by any other means?

Could it apply that he may be very displeased, unhappy thus self conscious of his current body image since having put on weight?

How do you currently feel about your body image?
What is your opinion of his current body image?
What do you guess would be his current opinion of your body image?

How long into your 7 year marriage do you remember beginning to gain weight?
His?

When do you recall it was that your sexual relations began to change in any way over the course of your seven year marriage?          

If it is so that your husband had his testosterone levels checked and they were of normal range it is not wise to encourage him to take testosterone treatments.
(If you could find a doctor who would prescribe such a treatment)
Hormone replacement therapy is a bit of a risky business even for men who need it . Hormone therapy for men does not have the history as hormone replacement therapy in women. There is evidence that testosterone therapy is linked to prostate cancer.
Your husband is too young to be needing to take such a risk, “ in my opinion.”
Regarding counseling if he is not willing to see a sex therapist right now then maybe he would be willing to go to couples  therapy. Your relationship could really benefit from improving   your communication skills. So you can both have the opportunity to learn ways to say what you need to say in a way that the other can hear it.
Men see the world entirely different then women and difficulties communicating is completely natural for couples to have incredible struggles with this.
There are also many resources you can find online to give you some helpful strategies for effective communication.
It could be a quick way for you to begin doing better right away.

It seems to me that your husband might be stuck in a quandary because he is overwhelmed with how it is that he can make you happy. When a man loves his woman there is nothing greater then him knowing he's made you happy and the flip side of that coin is not at all good. Because when your husband can no longer find the ways to brighten your eyes and cause for smile he feels like a failure and that isn't a good feeling for women either but it is terrible way for a man to feel.

Try to understand the very best you can to understand that your husband is not trying to hurt you by withholding sex or rejecting you. He just might have a very unfortunate situation with having no way to control or change that things aren't cooperating. Believe me if you are unpredictable angry explosion waiting to happen he is going to fear you making worse of the situation that is already no good for him. (If this so be the case.) He is not rejecting you not in anyway he is just in a awful position of afraid of you becoming explosive and reactive. And criticizing him when he wouldn't have anyway to change the circumstance if it were to occur - thus not being able to keep an erection. Do your best to control your anger with believing in the love your husband has for you and with knowing he wants so badly for you to be happy. He really may not seem so, but he is honestly doing all he currently knows how to just to see you smile.
There is no way your current attack method is ever going to be effective with improving your relationship. Do your best to focus on who you can change “you” and try to be calm for you and him.
Never lose sight of all the love that he has for you.
7 years you two have shared don't allow the significance of the  gift you have been given with having a partner to go through life with slip away.
Never give up, Never give in, Just choose to win! ©    
BStrong
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I am in the same boat as Llamatibut and many others.  I, too, would like to know the same thing Ohmymy asked:  Does anyone have any positive results to share?  I am 37, my husband of 7 years is 34.  We have been going through this also, since right after we got married.  Before that, he couldn't keep his hands off me, he was always full of physical attention for me....Now, all I can ever think about is when is this ever going to change?  I have asked my husband to go to a sex therapist with me and he refuses.  I understand all of the aspects that would cause him to say no but without him, I think I would look pretty stupid going by myself and that wouldn't accomplish anything anyway because he is the one that doesn't ever want to have sex, not me!  I try so hard to be understanding and then I feel so resentful when I think of the times that he had opportunity but, instead, wanted to go out and do something with friends (he takes me with him and then says he spent time with me).  I have come to realize that he doesn't think of sex as being as important as I do; however, when I tell him that it hurts me, I don't understand how he can continue without making any changes to better the situation.  There are a lot of women on here with the same problem and I can't believe down to the exact specific details.  For example, my husband makes the excuses I have heard others say and we only have sex 1, 2, or 3 times a month and it is always a couple of days after I have the "talk" that someone else mentioned also... It is really eery that the details are exact compared to what so many others are saying in their posts - I think the porn finally stopped when I almost had a nervous breakdown I think he realized how much that hurt me - at least from what I can tell I think it has stopped - I know he isn't cheating on me and I would never him either - So, why hasn't someone told us what to do yet???  For me, and I am presuming everyone else, it is hard to fix something when you don't know what it is.  My husband had all the tests run and the doctor told us that all of the labs on the panel were normal.  My husband thinks he doesn't need to go to a doctor again.  He thinks all he needs to do is exercise.  We are both about 20-30 lbs overweight - the average American - but where I am very active otherwise, my husband drives a truck all day, comes home, eats supper, lays on the couch watching tv for an a bit (no more than an hour usually) and goes to bed.  I know his routine like a clock.  What can I do to help him change the routine to include more sex????????  Someone please give some advice that will help!
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Avatar universal
libido is almost always tied to hormone levels. TRT specilists are generaly GPs who have taken mens health as their specility. Yes the often do fertility too. Look in your yellow pages and normaly they have the specility on their add, or goto www.allthingsmale.com and ask their doctor for a referal.
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Avatar universal
With regards to my my husband's 2 testosterone shots not working, his Dr. finally replied saying, "Try one more and we can check your level. If in nl range and still having libido issues, may not be from low testosterone".  I've finally gotten my husband to agree to ask his Dr. for a referral.  You've mentioned he should see a TRT specialist.  Is an Endrocronologist what you are referring to?  What kind of Dr. should my husband request to see?  Does a TRT specialist deal with sperm count, viability, etc..as well?  Finally, if his libido is not corellated to Testosterone, what other possibilities might we be looking at?  And if not T, might I be out of luck having sex more than 3 tiimes a mo. for the rest of my life?  How do I email you directly?
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Avatar universal
bottomline folks, anyone that thinks married sex given all the realtities of a life with full time jobs, kids, and our many other responsibilities should resemble that of our single days, I have news for you.

Its not very realistic.  

My wife and I have been in counseling for almost a year.  My complaint was NOT ENOUGH INTIMACY.  When I say that, she hears "HE JUST WANTS SEX!"  So the harder I try to reconnect with her in an intimate highly sexual manner, the more she pushes away.  

For her intimacy is established by living day in and day out together.  Sitting together on the couch, sharing affection that isn't initiated only as a means to get her naked and in bed.  My helping more around the house inspite of the fact I'm the grocery shopper, the cook, the landscaper, the dog walker, and the kids baseball coach.  She is the one that does the laundry, sweeps the floors, vacumes the carpert, and cleans the toilets.  She deals more than I do with getting the kids down at night, though our two oldest seem a bit more capable of getting themselves to bed.  

For me intimacy has always been achieved through sex.  I feel closer to my wife when we're having sex.  I want to have sex with her all the time.  I'm crazy about her, and very much attracted to her.  I can't look at her naked without wanting to make love to her.  I can't lay in bed and touch her without my wanting it to lead to us having sex.  Sometimes she needs to know I'm ok with not always having sex.  Even if our touching excites me, and I find myself erect and in mood, I shouldn't feel that it always needs to lead to sex.  Sometimes she just wants to snuggle together, but unfortunately when I snuggle with her and she feels an erect penis pressed against her backside, she believes I'm only snuggling with her hoping that it will lead to us having sex.

I like to flirt, tease, and engage in sexual inuendo with my wife.  I like to build on sexual energy and once we get to a time and place where the bottle can be uncorked, I want us to ravage each other.  But when I do what I've been doing, my wife doesn't hear anything remotely associated with greater intimacy and emotional connection.  She views anything I do as a means to have sex.  When I complain about not feeling emotionally connected with her, all she hears is me complaining about a lack of sex.

I have come across as a needy person.  Someone that is screaming at her to pay more attention to me.  But what I fail to realize that I am adding to the pressure and the burden she feels in dealing with three small kids, and a neurotic mother.  I become must another thing she has to take care of.  And what I need to realize is that she has needs too, and she needs to feel as though someone is taking care of her needs, but on a much more emotional level.  And when someone is caring for her emotionally, then that is when she opens herself up to the physical intimacy I hope to share with her.  

Based on what our counselor has told us, married couples average sex about once or twice a month.  If you expect more, you have to make plans for it.  There need to be date nights, and times where the mom and dad can connect without the kids running interference.  

I miss being spontaneous and often resent her for what I perceive as missed opportunities.  But I'm not really being realistic in thinking that every moment we're without our kids should be spent with us naked between the sheets or on the stairs.  Those are times that she can get some of the things done around the house that are nearly impossible to take care of when our kids are constantly pulling at her to help them with this or that.  

In the past I have resented her "girls night out" ventures, thinking she preferred to spend time with her friends instead of being home with me.  But what I failed to realize is that while she's out with her girlfriends, she's able to enjoy time with them without feeling the need to tend so someone's neediness.  Its down time for her.  Time for her to enjoy without kids or a horny husband begging for some attention.

There's a saying....."if Momma ain't happy, then nobody's happy!"  

I didn't get that till just recently.  

Men take care of your wives.  Women, remember what makes your husband feel connected to you.
Men and women are wired very differently.  We men feel most connected when we're being sexual with our wives.  Women feel most connected when their emotional needs are being met by their husbands.

Men, you can't have what you want, unless your significant other is getting what she wants and needs.  But here's the rub.....

Can you be mature enough and man enough to put her priorities and needs ahead of your own?

I've often felt I'd be more than willing to do what my wife needed if only she would jump my bones more often.  If she wasn't going to do that, then there was no way in hell I was going to bend over and give her what she needed.  We have to get away from this mindset of "tit for tat"  

I really can't comment on the lack of desire husband's seem to have for their wives.  I'm the opposite.  I have an incredible amount of sexual desire for my wife.  I have wanted to feel the same from her towards me.  But even though I'm a good looking man, with a great body even at 45 years old, seeing me naked in the shower doesn't make my wife want to jump my bones.  

Seeing me scrub a toilet does.

    



  

      



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Avatar universal
In our bodies, we have a long chain of hormones that cause other hormones to be created. HGC hormone is the analogue that we can manufacture than mimics LH hormone. LH hormone causes the testicles to make more testosterone. The only problem is that using it long term, HCG will "fry" the natural system totally.

When we get artificial T, the brain never sends the signal to the testicles through LH to make more T. A side effect of this is the testicles shut down and shrink, and they stop producing sperm. This is why we use LH homone analogue to re-activate the testicles again.

I'm thinking that you really really need to get your husband into a hormone replacement specialist. Your doctor is "old school" and is doing it contrary to modern standards which have MUCH more success.
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Avatar universal
In layman's terms?  You're saying that If he is getting replacement T therapy that's supposed to increase his sexual desire, this may lessen our chances of fertility?  In essence, he's actually doing more harm than good?  I did get him to email his Dr. last night re: shots not working, we'll see what he says.   Can you simplify your last paragraph in reference to HGC hormone...  I never was good at science/chemistry. Thanks!  ~C
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Avatar universal
Ive done a little research and have found a few things. Some old school doctors are trying to inject 400mg of testosterone per month all at once. This causes an extreme spike of T and a taper down over 13-17 days to nothing. The side effect of having a huge spike are anger problems, ED, E2 conversion, nervousness, and mood swings.

Testosterone Replacement Therapy. Their is  a reason why they call it REPLACEMENT, when a guy is on T shots his natural system shuts off, so even if he has a little natural production it will be gone. Another effect is that without the body producing LH hormone, spermogenisis will stop, ie, he will be sterile. To reverse this HGC hormone which mimics LH is often used when trying to conceive.
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Avatar universal
I think the regime he is on isn't correct for his body. Is he going to a TRT specialist? If not, you need to find him one, most doctors like to play around with T but dont know what the hell they are doing. If he has another hormone elevated that antagonizes T, like E2, then the shots wont work well, he will have to get the offending hormone in control first. I cant see a monthly shot doing anything, its just too long, the shot dosnt even last 2 weeks, much less a month!

Yes, low T will cause less or no sperm to be made.

I recomend you read this:
http://www.allthingsmale.com/word_docs/TRT.doc
"CURRENT BEST THOUGHTS ON HOW TO ADMINISTER TRT FOR MEN"
by Dr John Crisler, DO
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Avatar universal
I'm 33 & just like a lot of you women who have high sex drives & are married to Mr. 3 x a month.  My hubby (33) still has no response to his testosterone shots yet.  I'm still pushing him to email Dr. re: it not working, pulling teeth to simply get this far.  I know you said we might have another shot to go (#3).  

My question is, he's played football his entire life (defensive end).  There were no steriod use for sure.  If he did have "damage" & that was the reason for lack of sex drive, would Testosterone shots ever work?  He says he never remembers getting blasted there.

Also, is there a direct coorelation between low tes. & fertility? ( Aside from lack of sex).  Have any of you women had problems getting pregnant when your hubby has low Testosterone?    It scares me b/c his brother has unviable sperm & can't have kids.  Am I to worry about heredity &/or low Test. playing a role in fertility?

My husband is very calculated & wont start trying to conceive until end of Nov???  I think he thinks this is a one shot deal.  I suppose I shouldn't panic until problems arise.  Any replies are helpful.
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Avatar universal
My T shots have a huge curve. On shot day, which i have on saturdays for obvous reason, my libido skyrockets.

MONTHY!!!?!?!?!?!

Injected T only has a half life of 6-8 days. after a month its long, long gone. My cycle is 7 days!

I didnt see any effects till m 3rd shot.

sounds like you need a TRT specialist, this doctor evidently does not follow the 2002 AACE guidelines for hormone replacment in men.

The dosage may not be enough too, average dose is 100mg testrostone cypionate

On TRT, his testes will shut down, he must have the proper ammount from the artifical source or your doctor is going to do MUCH more dammage than good.

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Avatar universal
I wrote above that my husband is going on 33 (I'm 36) & he has low testosterone (one test was 200 & another 400).  Regardless, it's low.  He has very little desire for sex, maybe 3 x a month if I'm lucky.  He's not gay nor does he take any other med's. or seeing another woman.  He says his body just doesn't require as much sex as mine.  It's always been lower than mine from the beginning, but not this low!  I am angry and feel that there is something wrong with me, but I know there is not.  I finally got him to see his family Dr. and get his 1st testosterone injection.  That was 2 weeks ago & his second this past Fri. (09/21),  There is NO change in him whatsoever, sex drive or other side effects.  

Are testosterone shots supposed to work immediately?  Are there men who get these shots and it just doesn't work?  Maybe he's not getting enough of a dose?  Or as often as he needs? Or am I simply stuck with begging my husband for sex & just being shot down forever?  His Dr. has scheduled his next shot to be 1 mo. from now.  If it's not working now it's not going to get any better next month, right?  I thought the shots go out of you system in a week or so..  My main question, are there simply just men who have no succes with hormone therapy?

I'm trying to get him to go to an Endocronologist as he's just seeing his family Dr.  It was like pulling teeth just to get him to get these shots.  I'm hoping we'll have better luck with an Endocronologist.
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Avatar universal
I am so sorry to hear that others are experiencing the same thing, but I must say it feels good to know that I am not alone in my torment.  I felt so justified and relieved after reading the stories posted here.  

  All my friends, even my mother is aware of my high libido. The wonderful man that I am in a relationship with for almost a year  knew as well, and seemed to be on my page when we first met. Now we never had sex all the time.. like maybe 2 or 3  times a week...which is still not enough for my appetite.    However, that only lasted about a couple of weeks, maybe 2 or 3 total, and then it was weeks and months before anything physical transpired between us.  Now I am lucky if we have sex twice a month after I beg for it.    It is soooo frustrating and confusing !!! T  he tension and resentment in me builds up to a breaking point that forces me to Iash out at him, and unfortunaytely this is happening more and more frequently lately. I am especially angry and upset at his lack of arousal around my period, poor guy really has to seek shelter then! lol

   I have thought about leaving him, or remaining friends and roommates.  It seems that we should find mates that better match our drives.  Isn't this fair??   I dream of daily intercourse that will never happen with him!    Of course,  I am not sure it is his sex drive that is the culprit.  I have accused him of being gay... poor thing.  The bottom line is that he doesn't deserve my hostility even though he doesn't want to address the issue and gets real defensive when I try to talk about it. I guess it hurts his male ego to think that he is not performing and lacks a libido that society deems is inherrent in all manly men.   He does often reply that my bitchy attitude is the reason why he doesn't feel like doing the deed, but I am the nicest most down to earth gal that only seems to get nasty when I don't 'get what I need in the bedroom from the man that supposedly loves me.    

     I like what was said by a very wise contributor above that sex is a NEED-- not a want. For me, it is what drives me to wanting a relationship in the first place, since I already have a ton of friends thjat I love and cherish, but I don't have a safe sex partner that can nurture my physical needs.  All I ever wanted for years now is to experience sex with the man I love Iinstead of a casual affair.

      His lack of attention and ACTION leaves me feeling so undesirable and knocks my self esteem down. I think I am attractive... but I feel so ugly and fat when I get no response from the guy that I love. In fact, I know I get more acne when I am not getting any-- probably stress-- and this makes me feel even more rotten and ugly.  

     I would have left him by now if it were not for the fact that I seriously love the guy.  This is my first serious relationship in over a decade and I do enjoybeing with him, but I cannot go on like this.     So, there is my dilemma and I need some resolution soon before I loose it completely.

     Please tell me someone out there might have an answer for me, or just a clue as to what I should do.  As the lady that posted before me asked---- are there any success stories????  Please do come forth and share any helpful knowledge.  Thanks...
    
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Avatar universal
I have been reading up on this since I realized I was going to have up hill battle having a great sex life with someone who I dearly love, my husband.  Is there a success story about this anywhere?!  Has anyone had a change back to the "good old days” with a partner who is no longer on the same sexual page?  Has anyone built up a great sexual relationship with someone who they had incompatibility with?  I'm glad to find I'm not alone, but is there hope for our needs?  
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Avatar universal
Hi. I just found this site and I am finding similarities between u guys and me. I am a 20 yr old female who has been with my fiance for 1 yr and 3 months. We use to have sex every other day, I loved it but then we moved in together and now its maybe 2 a week to less. He looks at over 50 porn sites every other day, but he never wants to have sex with me and I'm always the one wanting it but it response, "I'm sorry I don't feel like it." about 9 times out of 10 I'm turned down. I have been turned down a lot in my time and I can't stand that a man I am marrying is rejecting me every time I want him. I'm getting to the point where I want to go our separate ways so I can find someone who wants to rip my clothes off and pleasure me. I love this man but he always put his needs before mine.I even caught him talking to other women on that myspace. I'm thinking that it would be best to split up, he say he loves me and wants to spend the rest of his life with me but his actions are speaking louder than this words u know? I need advice fast. I don't see if hes so attracted to me how he can look at porn more than have sex with me. Obviously the attraction is not there. so I'm starting to think about other men. I just don't know what to do. Please help...
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