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My Husband Never Wants To Have Sex!
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by Women Seeking Answers, Aug 18, 2007
I am 24 and my husband is 25.  We have been together for 8 years and married for 6.  We are both healthy and have a 9 month old daughter. My problem started about 7 years ago when it seemed like my husband never wanted to have sex.  Then after a while it seemed like I was always initiating it and getting turned down!  He just shrugs it off and thinks that I being funny and laughs!  Mean while I feel rejected and depressed.  I didn't say anything for a while I pretty much let it build up for a while and then one night I had to much to drink and decided to bring up the issue.  He didn't seem to think that anything was wrong with our sex life and couldn't believe that's what I was mad about! I asked him if there was something wrong with me he said no.  Then I asked him if there was something wrong with him he said he doesn't think so.  I suggested that he gets checked out to see if somethings wrong since he assured me that it wasn't me.  Need less to say he never did and we have had about 4 or 5 more huge blow outs since then!  Nothing seems to change so I don't even bring it up anymore!  I don't understand it though because he is very affectionate. We are still young and I think we should be having sex more than once a month!  He thinks that its not that big of a deal.  I don't know what else to do!!??  He obviously is interested in sex because I find porn on our computer.  I also expressed to him that makes me feel like total S*IT to know that you looking at that **** but don't want to have sex with me!!  Again....I'm overexagerating!!  I'm starting to think that it's going to be like this for the rest of my life! It's making me paranoid that he is cheating, so now I'm checking our cell phone bills and always watching what he does (when I can) and I don't want to be that person who is jealous but I cant help it.  What do I do?
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Member Comments (44)
Avatar_m_tn
by donb_fl, Aug 19, 2007
guys loose interest in sex for lots of reasons. Hormones & stress are 2 leading factors, with depression coming up on a close 3rd. If its tha later, make sure he never gets on a med that has negative sexual side effects, if its the first its easily curable, if its stress then he needs to find the source of the problem and fix it, and increase exercise.

The problem is, often guys dont want to get help. When we loose our sexual nature, its hard to admit and it often is some relief in comparison to our normal thinking about sex ever 5 min mode. However, this can be hard on a relationship and cause stress in a marriage.

Porn often doesnt equal an interest in sex, guys are just drawn to it often even without a libido. My testosterone level is VERY low right now, castrate levels, and i still like it.

My GF had to lead me to the water but couldnt make me drink, so to say. I didnt even get the concept it should be different, that desire should be part of my psychology. Im very recently on testosterone replacement as i finally accepted there should be more, but it took a while.

Do not think it is yourself, ok? I doubt its an affair, its just some psychological or physical issues. also, some medications can kill the libido, especially hair loss & depression medications.
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by HockeyShark, Aug 20, 2007
Some people just have low sex drives, Some have high. Mine is always high. My Wifes is non existant, but we manage.

At 25 if he has very low he should get checked out. Might be medical. I have known 2 guys in thier mid 20's to 'avoid' their wives. One was found out to medical, the other guy turned out to be gay.
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by Women Seeking Answers, Aug 20, 2007
I just want to say thanks to everyone who has replied to this message!  Some of the things that you said (donb_fl) makes sense.  I just have another ?. I sometimes think that he gets depressed about his physical appearance.  There is absolutely nothing wrong with his appearance in fact a lot of women I know always say how hot he is.  He is always trying to "improve" himself.  How do I help him to realize that there is nothing wrong with him! He's not on any medication but he does have back problems that are now getting worse and making him more depressed but he never really never shows it.  Thanks a lot for you opinions!
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by donb_fl, Aug 22, 2007
Pain causes stress, stress causes libido dysfunction. So does depression. The pain can incese cortisol and lactic acid in the system, both libido killers.

Self image issues I know, deeply. Im in therapy for it. I haven't overcame it but im making progress. I wish i had better advice than "get a therapist" but its the only one i can give. Most antidepressants have libido killing powers, but wellbutrin SR is known for increasing it. I use it with good success to manage my low testosterone depression and increase my sensitivity.

Is he using ANY type of medication? Even medium doses of tagamet for heartburn can decrease testosterone in the system.

If he is regularly exercising, it can do nothing but help. Don't discourage this, it will help the healing process in his back and help his stress level.

Switching to my professional hat, your husband needs a full physical and blood workup, CBC, Comprehensive Metabolic Panel / hepatic panel Lipid Profile, Testosterone -Total + Free, Estradiol, PT/PTT.

I love my girlfriend and would never hurt her, but these issues caused great stress in our relationship. I had my first testosterone shot last Friday and im already noticing the change, It feels good, i dont know why i waited so long to get help. In 5 days my entire mood has changed. I hope whatever is wrong for your husband is easly curable, and don't hesitate to ask me questions if you got them. 25 years old is too young to not have a libido, there is something not right.

Hey, if he is anything like me just ask him to go to the doctor and get help, if even just an evaluation to calm your fears for his health, instead of letting it get in an argument, show your true feelings. It wasn't until my GF started crying when she was trying to tell me to get help that i realized something was profoundly wrong with me, and how much it was affecting our relationship.
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by chrisie, Aug 22, 2007
Omg I'm so thankkful to find all of  you! I have been so depressed and have actually thought of leaving my husband I love him to pieces but I just feel there's no hope. I feel as if he dosent want me anymore! I thought it was just me and I can't possibly take him to couseling for this his ex wife had and still has him in counseling for everything and anything you can think of from there marriage and now with there children. Anyways my husband spends so much time by himself i can't stand it I feel so alone even if he's in the den. he never kisses me he never wants to have sex and if he does it's usually when he's drinking and forget it if he has to much to drink I can't deal i feel so weak and so undesired. this is my second marriage and i didnt have this problem before. Why do men quit being affectionate? I just feel so sad I cry and cry and pray and think whats wrong with me.. so please keep the comments coming it helps others to know it's not just them!!!
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by Women Seeking Answers, Aug 23, 2007
Have you ever expressed your feelings to him?  There are a lot of things that my husband doesn't understand until I say "well how would you feel if..." and then he puts his self into my shoes and most of the time can see where I'm coming from. My husband is very affectionate he just never feels like having sex. Some men don't even realize that they are hurting you until you say something!  Has he always been like this?  You should never feel depressed if he is not being affectionate towards you that doesn't mean that its you!  He could have issues of his own but you will never know unless you ask and take it from my experience never jump to conclusions and just assume things because if you sit around thinking of all the possible reasons you will drive yourself CRAZY!! I know I used to let  my mind wonder and I would come up with some crazy things and I would just get myself mad/upset!  
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by Women Seeking Answers, Aug 23, 2007
Can you tell me more about that shot?  And if he was interested how would he go about getting it?  Would low testosterone make him not able to build muscle?  He used to work out all the time and never got very good results.  He was thinking about steroids but when he researched it he found that it causes to many health problems.  
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by capt52001, Aug 24, 2007
my boyfriend of 2.5 years doesn't want to have sex nearly as often as we used to.  Before buying a house together, we would have sex 5 to 6 times a week, but now I"m lucky if we have sex 2 times a week.  I realize I should be thankful for this, but I can't help but wonder what the problem is.  This is pretty much the only thing we fight about, and I don't want it to ruin our relationship.  When I ask him questions about what turns him on or what I can do for him sexually, he says nothing, which makes me angry and frustrated.  How do I get to the bottom of the problem?
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by montel, Aug 26, 2007
If you had relations 5 to 6 times a week, and now not even 2 a week and he is only 25, there is a problem.  Man find it hard to admit, they are very proud about their sexuality and then, when it goes down, they know it, but more than likely will not want to do anything on their own.  You need to help him, talk to him and make him realize how important sex is to you, and make him also realize how his needs have changed.  Then get help right away, first go to an MD that is open. Do not wait.