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My boyfriend chooses to masterbate to porn instead of having sex with m...
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My boyfriend chooses to masterbate to porn instead of having sex with me

My b/f and I have been dating for 1 1/2 yrs.The only problem we have is sex. Initially it was great but we now only avg sex once/month, usually only after I beg. Weve talked about this many times and always agree to compromise: Ill settle for less sex; hell settle for more sex. When we do have sex there is no passion, even downright awkward. I used to *** every time. Since this started, 3 mnths into our relationship, I cant *** w/ him, and havent told him for fear of giving him another excuse for no sex. He has a history of sexual abuse (oral), cant enjoy oral sex, and often cant stay hard during sex (hes only 27). He used to say the problem wasnt me, he just had no interest in sex and agreed to consider counseling/medical help. Yet, Id find porn sites in his browser history during these periods of "no interest." I mentioned this and he changed his story: now the problem is my weight (160lbs at 5"7', not exactly huge). He prefers skinny women but loves me and knows he wont find another woman like me. I was hurt, but again agreed to compromise. still no change. Ive warned this is why so many cheat/break-up. Ive offered to watch it w/ him, he said no. He says he doesnt know what turns him on and gets uneasy when I try to touch his genitals. Ive assured him Ill never leave b/c I love him unconditionally. That didn’t work so I warned I cant live the rest of my life sex-starved/competing with porn. IDK what else to do. Last time we tried to have sex, he couldnt stay hard. He apologized, I said it was ok and thanked him for trying. Yesterday he gave me his login to check his bank balance. A funny tone in his voice led me to investigate further. What I found confirmed what my gut already knew: that week he purchased 200 minutes from a porn site, all of which had been used. This explains why he couldnt stay hard: he wore it out w/ porn prior to us trying to have sex! This isnt the 1st time I learn of him masturbating instead of having sex, while I remain sex-starved!
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523042_tn?1212181495
Hi.

I'll tell you what I've told countless other people in your situation: your bf doesn't want to have sex with you for some reason; that's why he's avoiding it. He's using online erotica as his sexual outlet instead. And the only way you can figure out why is to talk with him. Sounds like he has a very problematic history about sexuality, so don't think that this is easily resolveable.

The two of you need to sit down and talk calmly with each other about what to do next. Try not to attack him; when people are attacked, they defend, and that's how arguments start. You don't need a fight, but rather a constructive discussion in which each of you tells the other your feelings, wants and needs. It's very possible your bf didn't realize he has some deep-rooted fears about intimacy, and now he may feel trapped and helpless about what to do. There are no simple answers here. The two of you need to talk about this. If that doesn't work, then I strongly encourage the two of you to see a therapist who can help you talk with each other and resolve this. It's not going to go away, and the longer you wait, the more anger and resentment will be built up. Best of luck to you. Dr. J
2 Comments
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Avatar_f_tn
when i first married my husband i would catch him lookin at porn because i have somethin wrong i cant have sex all the time but when i caught him i told hi off n i told him that **** makes me feel lk im ugly or not good enough then i left him then i came bk wit boy porn on my phne which i never did anythin wit it but it made him know how it feels cause hes lk 200 pounds and im a sexy little 5.2 n 102 pounds i am still with hm n after i left n he knew it hurts he stopd. make him pik u or porn n make him jelouse. yu can do it no questions
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