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My boyfriend & i have been together for 2 years this June. Our sex life was fine at the beginning till this problem came to light & now its been a year since I've been coping with it. About a year ago i started noticing that our sex life was no longer the same. we went from having sex numerous times a week to 1-2 a week. We are both 24 years old by the way. I started to notice if i was to initiate it he would tell me he's tired or not in the mood. So now i'm to the point where im about to leave him due to this. a couple of months ago my bf confesses to me that the reason we are not having sex as often is because he's been masterbating. my bf goes to the gym daily & takes protein along with another substance that gives him energy so he says that the moment he gets out of the gym he gets this urge to have sex & since i am at work he opts for masterbation so when i see him later on in the evening he doesnt want to have sex since the job has already been done. this issue has affected me in numerous ways. my self esteem is low, i am insecure about myself & our relationship. he tells me that hes trying to control himself but that its real hard. how do i understand him? what can i do to help & is there even something that can be done to fix this issue? my bf kept this whole "im addicted to masterbating" secret from me for a long time & for a long time i would cry to him & tell him how neglected i feel & how this has affected my esteem & still he would masterbate rather than controlling himself in order to please me. i no longer know what to do i hope you can help.
Take a deep breath. First, this isn’t about self-pleasuring. That’s just what your boyfriend is hiding behind. And he’s not “addicted” to it. You can’t be addicted to self-pleasuring any more than you can be addicted to eating pizza. He’s using self-pleasuring in order to avoid being sexual with you. The question is WHY.
Something has happened in the relationship that has created a distance between the two of you, and your boyfriend is probably distracting himself so he doesn’t have to confront his feelings.
He may be conflicted about being sexual with you, or sex with you is no longer satisfying for him, or there may be some unresolved issues in your relationship, or he’s angry about something, and other issues too numerous to discuss here.
The only way for you to get to the bottom of this is to open up a dialogue with him about it. Don’t be defensive, and don’t attack him. He may even be unaware of what’s going on. It’s important to be understanding and realize that you’re in this together, so it’s not just HIS problem. I’d suggest a positive approach in which you both learn more about sexual pleasure as a way to open up a dialogue. How about reading a book together and talking about it? I highly recommend Bernie Zilbergeld’s “The New Male Sexuality,” which is widely available online. This is an excellent discussion-starter and has a wealth of information about men, their attitudes about sex, sexual response, etc. Best of luck to you both. Dr. J
That is RIDICULOUS!
You say that a man cannot be addicted to masturbation?
It's called PROCESS ADDICTION - look it up.
HERE'S a good answer, as this is coming from a girl with a boyfriend who is also addicted to masturbating.
Many reasons can start a sex addiction, be it emotional trauma, stress, loneliness, boredom, many reasons.
What the problem is, is that it stops being a pleasure: masturbation releases endorphins into the brain, and the body craves it, not the pleasure. After a while, the man will begin to crave the endorphins, and will feel the need to have them. Thus, will begin masturbating constantly.
This can destroy marriages, relationships: soon, the man will stop looking at his personal relationships as romance, but as a release. He will stop receiving pleasure from his physical relationship with his spouse/partner/signifigant other, and will turn to either cheating, or fast ways to achieve climax.
He needs to get help. He can fix this. YOU can fix this with him.
Okay, this is actually embarrassing for me but I will give you my point of view. I work out of town a lot and am away from my girlfriend at those times. Now, when I am home with her I have absolutely no need or inclination for masterbation. When I am on the road however it becomes what I call a chronic impulse. There are many things that I believe are responsible for my actions. First, it is a release. After reading one of the responses to your question, I agree with the release of endorphins into the brain. The physical release isn't as much as the mental high. Afterward I have a satisfied feeling in my head. Second, is that I work in a lot of solitude and have a lot of downtime and boredom while waiting for work. Third, I have Tourette's Syndrome and often along with this disorder is OCD (obsessive-compulsive disorder). Unfortunately for me, my OCD is masterbation. The thought or urge will pop in to my head and then has to be addressed. The more I try to stop and control this, the stronger the urge gets. It gets to the point where I have to perform this act to release it from my thoughts. I will tell you that it is a major problem that you should be concerned with. It makes my girlfriend think that she can't satisfy me, which is absolutely not the true. I love this woman and would give my life for her, but it is to the point where she has major concerns about my feelings for her. You really need to honestly talk to him, tell him your concerns, and see if both of you can find a solution. Granted because of my neurological condition, his reasons will probably be totally different than mine. But I guarantee you that there is a reason. I know that I kind of rambled here but I hope this has helped you to some degree.
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