Painful urge to urinate during sex.

[alliesong]

Hi,

I'm allie and I'm going to do the best i can to avoid making this post a novel, but there's a lot of history to this problem that i think may be relevant.

As much as i'd rather not mention this, it seems to be where the problems started..and perhaps it's a coincidence, but i'm not the doctor. I was raped a little over a year ago and though there wasn't a lot of damage physically, shortly thereafter i started having chronic bladder infections...i might as well have shares in Cipro, if you know what i mean. So my doctor did every test under the sun to find out if there was something causing the bladder infections ...we discovered by process of elimination that aspartame was a major culprit in my constant irritation and infections. So i cut it out of my diet and haven't had an infection since; however, when my boyfriend and i have sex, i have an uncomfortable...PAINFUL urge to urinate, to the point where i can't stand him inside me for more than a minute and then i get really upset and am uncomfortable(feeling like i need to pee when i don't)...

Continued Below...

[Janice M Epp, PhD]

Hello.

I can't really tell you anything other than take what you say at face value. If you say you're OK, then I have to believe you.

However, I don't see any reference to sexual pleasure in your post, so I'm assuming you're trying to have penis-vagina (p-v) sex before you're really turned on. This is actually quite common for women. Men sometimes get turned on very quickly, while some of us women take a bit longer; yet we feel like we have to fit in to a male pattern.

How about slowing things down for awhile? In fact, how about removing the pressure of p-v altogether and trying some other activities? How about oral sex? And mutual self-pleasuring? Start slowly, and when you feel ready for p-v, be sure you're very wet and very turned on. And try positions that don't put pressure on your urethra--like rear entry, or sitting in his lap.

If none of things work, and you're still not turned on, I'm going to suggest you need to see a therapist skilled in helping women gain insights into their sexual issues. Best of luck to you. Dr. J

[alliesong]

Now i've exhausted all ideas...and i mean everything from the obvious peeing before sex to different lubrication, positions...even music to try and distract me...It's not that i'm concerned that i'll pee, because i know i won't...but it's actually painful. I know what you might be thinking...rape victim has 'negative associations with sex' written all over it...but i've done my best to take care of myself psychologically and i am able to relax before sex and even for the first thirty seconds during..before the pain comes. I've had exams to make sure everything healed properly after the trauma and i've been tested for every s.t.d. so i know its none of those things. There's also this odd thing that happens the moment i get turned on...I get what feels like menstrual cramp for a few minutes and then it passes..but it's also a little disconcerting, though it may be completely unrelated to anything. Anyways...don't be afraid to crush my hope, if you think it's literally that my boyfriends penis is too large and the pressure against my urethra is what's causing the pain, meaning that sex will always be an uncomfortable event...feel free to say so. Though, if there is ANYTHING else you think it might be...please let me know..because i kind of don't want to be doomed to a sexless life.

[alliesong]

Hi doctor,

I suppose i should have mentioned that foreplay is a big part of sex for me and my boyfriend..and i make sure i'm very wet...though there's still too much pressure even though i focus really hard on relaxing and not tensing up. Is it possible that my parts are in the wrong place or something and because of that theres to much pressure on my urethra? Maybe i do need more therapy..but i really thought i was okay in that sense since i'm panic attack free and i don't have any flashbacks during sex activities anymore.

thanks again.

[Janice M Epp, PhD]

Hello.

I'm glad you're lubricating and getting turned on. I have no idea what you mean by "my parts are in the wrong place"; however, let's assume that if you had any physiological issues, your physician would have told you. It's very possible that you just need to discuss this with a skilled clinician. Sometimes it can take awhile to dig out all that old stuff that's lurking around in our subconscious, just waiting to stir up fear. Don't try to be Superwoman; get help. Best of luck to you. Dr. J

[MissyMomo]

This is just a thought... But I have felt something very similar to what you are describing.. Is it possible the he is too big? I have had a boyfriend ther sex was very uncomfortable because I was not used to having quite a large member. It created a lot of pressure and felt like I was going to pop like a ballon.

Like I said, just a thought to concider.

[alliesong]

Yes, i think that is likely the problem. But what can i do about it?


allie