Performance anxiety/erection

[chillwithabong]

Hello!
I am a person who has had a lot of sex. But a few months ago I got engaged. We had a great time during the first few sex encounters. At that point my new fiance' was getting over her past (as in her previous relationship) and I was helping her move on as well. During one encounter I failed to get aroused. That thought spiralled into me when I started comparing my sex with her and her life in her previous relationship. This started creating problems. We are very compatible in mind and soul but now the body needs to be compatible. I am a week away from my wedding and my fiance' has stuck with me - but all of a sudden - I have started feeling anxious about sex. I used to have many girlfriends in college and now it seems like I have the pit but am passionate to get out of it. Please give me a constructive advice. Awaiting your reply. Also I do not have a problem getting an erection if I watch porn or at times in the morning. So its not a medical problem.

[Janice M Epp, PhD]

What would you like me to tell you? You're the one who's feeling anxious--obviously about getting married. I can't fix that for you; only you can do that.

You need to examine your feelings about this impending marriage and why you're feeling anxious and afraid. Almost everyone goes through some worries right before making this big commitment. Obviously, this is now getting in the way of your sexual desires for your partner.

You've also created a self-fulfilling prophesy: once you didnt' get an erection the second you thought you should, you began to worry; and now that worry is part of your sex pattern.

In addition to examining your feelings about your upcoming marriage, I highly recommend you read the book, "The New Male Sexuality," by Bernie Zilbergeld, Ph.D., widely available online, both used and in paperback. This book has helped thousands of men to better understand their sexuality and their emotions. Best of luck to you. Dr. J

[gagootza]

first you and her have to put her past away for good,those relationships she had are dead and gone i hope.she needs to put you number one in her life if she's sincere and the same with you.concentrate on the two of you and your future together.why are you getting anxious for sex?is it with her or elsewhere.if its elsewhere then your not readyto get married.if your going into marriage for the sex then it will never work.the sex is a benefit and a privlidge with your wife not a bonus.your building too much around sex.if thats the case don't waste her time and end up hurting her.never compare your sex with her with the sex she had with someone in the past.its not fair to her.the sex you have between you and her stays with you and her and is not to be compared with sex she had with someone inthe past.i think your getting married for the wrong reasons.please don't hurt her.i hope you will do the right thing and i hope i was of some help to you.good luck

[chillwithabong]

I see wisdom in your comment and appreciate your advice. I am going to make the effort to keep her happy and eliminate those thoughts from my mind. I know deep within that she's the one and I am marrying to complete my life and bring joy to her.

[MrManpower]

You need to step back and relax... the more you think about your "problem" which isn't really a problem anywhere else other than in your head, the more erectile difficulties you'll have.

Thinking about your problems sometimes just makes them worst... sit back and they begin to lighten up until you understand them better.

Also, you just have sexual performance anxiety... check this out, should help:

"Exercises to Strengthen Erections, Overcome Sexual Performance Anxiety, and Increase Sex Drive…"