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Sexuality & Relationships (Expert Forum)
Problems
Answered by
Janice M Epp, PhD - Female sexual issues, Adolescent sexuality, Male sexual issues
Private Practice
Palo Alto - CA
This forum is for questions and support regarding relationship issues such as: Abstinence, Arousal Problems, Birth Control, Cohabitation, Commitment, Communication, Couples Counseling, Desire /Lack of Desire, Sexual Technique.
Problems
by dannyboy912, Oct 13, 2009 03:49PM
I have 2 questions:
1) i have a problem that i have a gathering of white/yellow goo on my helmet if i do not wash for a day. it also gets worse after masturbation. i have been checked out and do not have an sti so i know this is not the problem.
2) also i have a problem that i cannot always maintain an erection just before having sexual intercourse. i sometimes lose my erection when i am just about to have sex/ put on a condom. i had this problem with my first partner but thought i would get over it because it was my first time but have not
please help
1) i have a problem that i have a gathering of white/yellow goo on my helmet if i do not wash for a day. it also gets worse after masturbation. i have been checked out and do not have an sti so i know this is not the problem.
2) also i have a problem that i cannot always maintain an erection just before having sexual intercourse. i sometimes lose my erection when i am just about to have sex/ put on a condom. i had this problem with my first partner but thought i would get over it because it was my first time but have not
please help
Doctor's Answer
by Janice M Epp, PhD, Oct 17, 2009 03:40PM
, Oct 17, 2009 03:40PMTo: dannyboy912
Hello.
I can't really answer your first question because it would require a medical diagnosis which can only be given after a thorough examination. It's possible that you just produce lots of lubrication. You don't state your age, but if you're in your teens or 20's, it's not unusual for your Cowper's Gland to produce lots of fluid. What's your Cowper's Gland? A very helpful little soldier that secretes a milky fluid, also known as "pre-come." Some men produce large amounts of this fluid, while others produce very little. Everyone is different. This fluid clears the urethra of uric acid prior to ejaculation. Without this fluid, many of the sperm carried in semen would be killed or damaged by the acid contained in urine. If you’re producing lots of fluid, you might want to be sure to carry some tissues for wiping up. And since you've noticed a build-up when you don't wash, be sure to keep your penis clean. Any dried fluid can become a pathway for various pathogens.
Your second question is easier to address. It's not unusual for erections to subside when you take a "condom pause." There’s nothing wrong with you. You’ve just convinced yourself there’s something amiss, and now you’ve created a vicious circle. As soon as your penis didn’t do exactly what you wanted, you started to worry. Sex is all about what’s going on in your head. The more you worry, the more your penis isn’t going to cooperate. In fact, it can be downright rebellious! You need to relax. If someone tells you NOT to think of elephants, what’s the first thing you think about? That’s right. Elephants. And if you worry about getting erection, same thing: self-fulfilling prophesy.
Erections go up and down. You’ll find this happening all your life. It doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy sex, but you have to adjust your attitude and relax. Many men feel that if their erection goes down even a tiny bit, there’s something wrong with them. Where does this come from?
Men receive so many messages that sex is about “performance” and pleasing a partner, rather than just enjoying the pleasure of it. Everything is goal-oriented—like a football game. The other message that many men receive is that sex is somehow dirty and wrong, unless you’re doing it for reproductive purposes. Sometimes this can creep into our unconscious thoughts and sabotage any pleasure. Ask yourself whether you have any conflicts about being sexual—any old messages that might be lurking in your subconscious.
For more information about erection issues, attitude, etc., I highly recommend the book “The New Male Sexuality” by Bernie Zilbergeld, Ph.D. It’s widely available in paperback and is an invaluable resource.
Relax, stop putting pressure on yourself and enjoy sex for what it is: pleasure. Give yourself permission to enjoy whatever happens—and find partners who aren’t hung up on performances issues either. Best of luck to you. Dr. J
I can't really answer your first question because it would require a medical diagnosis which can only be given after a thorough examination. It's possible that you just produce lots of lubrication. You don't state your age, but if you're in your teens or 20's, it's not unusual for your Cowper's Gland to produce lots of fluid. What's your Cowper's Gland? A very helpful little soldier that secretes a milky fluid, also known as "pre-come." Some men produce large amounts of this fluid, while others produce very little. Everyone is different. This fluid clears the urethra of uric acid prior to ejaculation. Without this fluid, many of the sperm carried in semen would be killed or damaged by the acid contained in urine. If you’re producing lots of fluid, you might want to be sure to carry some tissues for wiping up. And since you've noticed a build-up when you don't wash, be sure to keep your penis clean. Any dried fluid can become a pathway for various pathogens.
Your second question is easier to address. It's not unusual for erections to subside when you take a "condom pause." There’s nothing wrong with you. You’ve just convinced yourself there’s something amiss, and now you’ve created a vicious circle. As soon as your penis didn’t do exactly what you wanted, you started to worry. Sex is all about what’s going on in your head. The more you worry, the more your penis isn’t going to cooperate. In fact, it can be downright rebellious! You need to relax. If someone tells you NOT to think of elephants, what’s the first thing you think about? That’s right. Elephants. And if you worry about getting erection, same thing: self-fulfilling prophesy.
Erections go up and down. You’ll find this happening all your life. It doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy sex, but you have to adjust your attitude and relax. Many men feel that if their erection goes down even a tiny bit, there’s something wrong with them. Where does this come from?
Men receive so many messages that sex is about “performance” and pleasing a partner, rather than just enjoying the pleasure of it. Everything is goal-oriented—like a football game. The other message that many men receive is that sex is somehow dirty and wrong, unless you’re doing it for reproductive purposes. Sometimes this can creep into our unconscious thoughts and sabotage any pleasure. Ask yourself whether you have any conflicts about being sexual—any old messages that might be lurking in your subconscious.
For more information about erection issues, attitude, etc., I highly recommend the book “The New Male Sexuality” by Bernie Zilbergeld, Ph.D. It’s widely available in paperback and is an invaluable resource.
Relax, stop putting pressure on yourself and enjoy sex for what it is: pleasure. Give yourself permission to enjoy whatever happens—and find partners who aren’t hung up on performances issues either. Best of luck to you. Dr. J
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