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Sexuality & Relationships (Expert Forum)
Question about anal sex
Answered by
Janice M Epp, PhD - Female sexual issues, Adolescent sexuality, Male sexual issues
Private Practice
Palo Alto - CA
This forum is for questions and support regarding relationship issues such as: Abstinence, Arousal Problems, Birth Control, Cohabitation, Commitment, Communication, Couples Counseling, Desire /Lack of Desire, Sexual Technique.
Question about anal sex
by c1footling, Jul 29, 2008 01:30AM
I recently started experimenting with anal sex with my boyfriend. For some reason, his penis or a sex toy can go in about 3 1/2 inches and feel good, but then it hits a point that hurts and has to be pulled back. It happens every time. Are we doing something wrong? Do we need to aim in a different direction? Can my anus be too small for his penis? Any information would be appreciated! Thank you...
Doctor's Answer
by Janice M Epp, PhD, Jul 29, 2008 05:09PM
, Jul 29, 2008 05:09PMTo: c1footling
Hi.
Many people greatly enjoy anal stimulation—whether with a tongue, finger, penis or dildo. This is a sexual activity that requires lots of good technique and communication. From your question, I’m assuming you’re a woman, but most of the following applies to both sexes.
You’re not doing anything wrong. The anus is a very tight orifice, and many people experience some pain with deep penetration, no matter what kind of technique they use.
The keys to anal sex are 1) lots of lube (the anus doesn’t produce its own lubrication), 2) lots of stimulation of the anal area (to relax that tight sphincter) and 3) gentle, slow penetration, not just ramming it in. Be sure you and your partner are communicating during anal sex; tell your partner when you experience pain and when something doesn't feel good so that you can stop or go slower. It’s OK that it only feels good up to 3 inches or so. Many people find deep penetration painful, but enjoy shallow penetration with a finger or other small object.
So who says you have to let your boyfriend go in all the way—especially if it’s painful? Sounds like the two of you are enjoying what you’re doing, so why not go as far as you’d like to go and then switch to a different activity?
Very important: The anus is a very tight orifice, and tears easily, leaving it vulnerable to infection, so BE SURE to use a condom. And don’t put anything in your vagina that has first been in the anus (fingers, toys, penises, etc.) without using a new condom, because the bacteria that live in the anus can be harmful to the vaginal environment, which can cause various unpleasant side effects like yeast infections. Dr. J
Many people greatly enjoy anal stimulation—whether with a tongue, finger, penis or dildo. This is a sexual activity that requires lots of good technique and communication. From your question, I’m assuming you’re a woman, but most of the following applies to both sexes.
You’re not doing anything wrong. The anus is a very tight orifice, and many people experience some pain with deep penetration, no matter what kind of technique they use.
The keys to anal sex are 1) lots of lube (the anus doesn’t produce its own lubrication), 2) lots of stimulation of the anal area (to relax that tight sphincter) and 3) gentle, slow penetration, not just ramming it in. Be sure you and your partner are communicating during anal sex; tell your partner when you experience pain and when something doesn't feel good so that you can stop or go slower. It’s OK that it only feels good up to 3 inches or so. Many people find deep penetration painful, but enjoy shallow penetration with a finger or other small object.
So who says you have to let your boyfriend go in all the way—especially if it’s painful? Sounds like the two of you are enjoying what you’re doing, so why not go as far as you’d like to go and then switch to a different activity?
Very important: The anus is a very tight orifice, and tears easily, leaving it vulnerable to infection, so BE SURE to use a condom. And don’t put anything in your vagina that has first been in the anus (fingers, toys, penises, etc.) without using a new condom, because the bacteria that live in the anus can be harmful to the vaginal environment, which can cause various unpleasant side effects like yeast infections. Dr. J
Member Comments (2)
by SixStringer, Jul 30, 2008 06:11PM
To: Janice M Epp, PhD
Once again I must commend you on one of your most thoughtful and knowledgeable answers that will be of great help to many, many people in a similar situation.
