Questions about anal sex.

[JC221]

Hello again everybody. I have done some research on my own but I feel I must bother you all again. About a week ago I had anal sex with my girlfriend. She recently told me that she is experiencing some major/minor pain "down there" as she put it. She couldn't tell me much about it because....well, she isn't able to communicate with me currently for more then....5 minutes once a day. Anyway, I'm quite worried..and I feel somewhat guilty because I knew....Id probably injure her during anal sex...but we did anyway.

Id like to know the possible cause of her pain. Is this regular after anal sex? To have pain in the rectum? Or other places? I really hope nothing serious has happened. I must know if there is anything I can do or tell her what she needs to do...like see a doctor. I'm guessing she is just sore from anal sex. We only used a condom and I don't believe there was enough lubricant on it. It got easier as the time pasted during the sex...she seemed to produce some of her own lubricant, which is normal.

Pardon my rambling, but I'm just really worried and I know this is quite vague but please if you have any information on anything it will help!!!!!!....thank you.

[Pepper Schwartz, Ph.D.]

You thought you would probably injure her and had sex with her anyhow?  How concerned are you , really?  Concerned enough to look concerned here- but too selfish not to use a good lubricant and take it easy with her? I'm not buying your sincerity here-- if you care about someone you don't do something knowing you are going to hurt them.

  It could be that she is "just" sore from having anal sex without enough preparation, time, care , lubrication and slow introduction of the penis.  That can be very sore indeed.
  
  However she could also be sore from banging the penis too hard against the rectum and hurting some internal organs-- you can really damage the anal tract if you are not careful- and it appears you were not. At the least, you may have scratched the sides of the vagina by not using enough lubrication. Was there blood on the sheets?

   If her pain has hurt for more than a few hours, I think you should suggest she goes to her doctor for a check up. And you should go with her. If you do care about her, care about her mental health too- she should have your support at the doctors.

[pubmed]

do you lift weights?  you know the muscle soreness you feel a couple of days later?  she is probably feeling that.  Its a dull ache and it persists for a few days, and will eventually go away.  It is however, extremely uncomfortable, particularly when you need to poop.  Poor thing.

If she was injured, then her rectum might be torn and she should see a physician as a precaution.  Was there any blood?

Its very important to OVERUSE lube when having anal sex..as I am sure you now know.

[JC221]

There was no blood. We wen't quite slowly...not fast or anything. There was no defication either..on the condom. If her anus did tear, how could she tell? Are there signs?

[glad2bamom]

**Let me preface this by saying that I might get "chewed" for my response to you, but I'm willing to take the risk**

There are so many things about your thread that trouble me.  Let me begin first off by saying that you are SO young...having sexual intercourse is/should be a very intimate thing.  17 years is very young, and I can only say this because I had sex for the first time when I was 16, and I was totally unprepared for the onslaught of emotions that come along with sex.

You admitted that you only talk with her for 5 minutes a day, but yet you feel close enough to her to be having intercourse with her?  I talk to my postman for 5 minutes every day.

Also, you stated that you felt sure that it would hurt her to have anal sex, but you did it anyway.  When you really love someone, you put their needs in front of yours--I've been married for 10 years, and if my hubby really wanted to do something with me, but he knew it would cause me pain, he would opt to not do it.  It's called respect.

So, I'm jumping out on a limb here by saying that you barely have the opportunity to communicate, but yet you have sex.  You don't take one another's feelings into consideration when making decisions, because how can you?  You're 17!!  You should be worrying about the color of your tie for the prom, not whether you used enough lube during anal sex.

I don't care if a person is having anal, oral, vaginal or whatever other kind of sex they can think of.  Totally their choice.  But, you and your "fiance" need to slow down and re-prioritize your relationship.  I know that no one can stop you from being intimate, because, hey, that's what kids do these days.  But, my opinion is that at 17, even if you're super mature, anal sex is territory that you shouldn't be venturing into.

You were concerned enough to post this thread about her condition.  Maybe you should be concerned enough next time to not do it in the first place.

[JC221]

Thank you for your concern Glad2bamom, but I need you to understand a few things. When I said I only talk to her 5 minutes a day I did not specify why. I care for her more than anything. Lets say...on a normal day I spend atleast 4 or more hours on the phone with her. I spend most of my weekend with her. I worry if she is injured from what we did and I would like to know some information on the subject. When I said I was affraid of hurting her was because...we had no extra lubricant and I am well endowed. I left that out of my original post because I found it was not important.

Why is it more important to worry about my social life then my concern for my fiance's health? Or were you being sarcastic about the tie deal for prom?

I know I "shouldn't" be worrying about intercourse but I believe everyone has a differen't life. The reason we had anal sex is because we are not ready for the consequences of other sexual encounters (I.E a child)and I believe myself if one isn't prepared for the consequences of their actions they should not be making those actions. But it was not only my decision. Temptation is powerful espicailly when you love the person directing it toward you. I love her in all aspects but I wanted to leave a few bits out. But sense you wrote this very thoughtful post I thought I would explain why and hopefully you understand now. Thank you for your advice...please reply soon.

[glad2bamom]

I apologize if the tie comment was rude--I was, in my typical fashion, being a little sarcastic.  

You sound like you are an intelligent, mature young man.  And, if the decision to go forward with the anal sex was indeed your partners, then I apologize for considering that you didn't weigh her opinion on the matter.  

As far as not being ready for a child, I understand those sentiments.  Anal sex, however, seems like running the marathon before you even walk the mile.  Does that make sense?  Maybe it is just my observations only, but it does seem as if young people, teenagers, are doing such "adult" things these days.  I am troubled, simply because of the choices that I made when I was your age.

As to your question, however, she would know that she had an anal tear, or fissure if she had bleeding.  For example, when she has a bowel movement, the tear may open up, and she may have blood on her toilet paper.  She could also burn when she uses the restroom.  Most anal tears will heal on their own.  However, if she continues to have pain, she should see a doc.  There is medication to use.  In the meantime, have her use Tucks medicated pads (over the counter).  They are a soothing, moist pad that she can use to wipe with until she heals.  Tell her not to wipe roughly with regular toilet tissue.  She can reopen a tear that way, as well.  You can also purchase something like Anusol to help with the pain.  If her pain is internal, though, these things won't work.  

I would also discontinue anal sex, especially if it causes her pain.  Certainly there are other ways to show  intimacy with each other.

I wish you the best, and thank you for your kind response.

[leif ericson]

glad2bamom knows best in my opinion !     l.e.

[BearHitch]

It is quite possible that she is sore from anal sex if you didn't use any lubricant- because that area actually does NOT produce its own lubricant.

[amandaloveschris09]

Okay...so I experienced Anal Sex for the first time last night. We did it right.... My BF and I read up on it before trying it out. After working 2 fingers and me relaxing he stuck his penis in. It would hurt and he would stop and then after it stopped he would do more and then more until finally in. It felt so weird. Felt like I had to use the restroom. It was kind of uncomfortable. Now it hurts to use to the bathroom. It is painful. Like when I am using the Restroom it feels like it isnt lubricated and will not come out. I don't understand why it is the way it is. Is something wrong with me?

[howareyous]

I can't say enough, lube, lube, lube, go slow. Anal is also something you need to learn to relax and enjoy. feeling constipated can happen, as well as air being trapped, or feeling like things don't work quite right for a day or so, but eventually that becomes less. If you like it, it's fine and you understand occasionally penetration hurts for a sec, relax, and pause it restart it should pass, if not then call it a no go night, you may have a hemroid or just be tense, it shouldn't hurt.