This forum is for questions and support regarding relationship issues such as: Abstinence, Arousal Problems, Birth Control, Cohabitation, Commitment, Communication, Couples Counseling, Desire /Lack of Desire, Sexual Technique.
I have an issue with sex. I need to find a means of lasting longer in bed and staying completly errect. I have a pretty thick penis with normal length. whenever i do "foreplay" with a female (ex. oral or handjob) i have only gotten off once, and it took about an hour and sometimes it goes soft. But when we begin haveing intercourse, I only last a matter of minutes. My penis get extra sensitive when i insert it. rarely i can go a second time right after orgasming. and sometimes when i change positions or go from foreplay to intercourse, it becomes a softy. I have no clue as to what to do as for the staying erect party or mainly the sensitivity part.
Please get back to me on this issue. This has cause a great deal of insecurityfor me and has also caused issues in my relationships.
The answer is staring you in the face. Let's look at the facts:
1. Size, etc. has nothing to do with how your penis feels or acts.
2. When you're receiving oral or manual stimulation, you're not getting enough stimulation for orgasm.
3. When you're up close and personal, i.e., penis-vagina sex (p-v), your penis goes off like a rocket.
Obviously, it's not your penis' fault. It's not too sensitive or not sensitive enough. It's your brain that's getting in the way. There's something about the intimacy of p-v sex that's problematic for you. Here are some issues for you to look at and see if any resonate with you:
Our society does a terrible disservice to men by raising them to think that their penis has to be 10 inches long, hard as a rock and last all night. It’s no wonder that many men feel insecure about their sexuality. Great sex involves your whole body; in fact, having great, mutually satisfying sex is usually quite the opposite of what you see in those performance-oriented sex videos.
The more you think of sex as being about performance, the more worries you'll have. If you're stressed, you'll probably worry even more. And this can be a vicious circle. For most of us, sex is about fun and pleasure. If you think of it as performance, or a “job,” you’ll set yourself for a stressful experience. Remember: Performance can be the enemy of pleasure and fun.
Men receive so many messages that sex is about “performance” and pleasing a partner, rather than just enjoying the pleasure of it. Everything is goal-oriented—like a football game. The other message that many men receive is that sex is somehow dirty and wrong, unless you’re doing it for reproductive purposes. Sometimes this can creep into our unconscious thoughts and sabotage any pleasure, as well as creating a feeling of just wanting to get it over with.
Two other reasons why you might not be having erections are that you’re bored with your current partner or the sexual activities you’re doing together, or that there are some conflicts in the relationship and you’re feeling anxious or angry. Dr. J
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