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Sex is boring, I don't want to split up what do i do?
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Sex is boring, I don't want to split up what do i do?

I've been going out with my boyfriend about a year and a half but we only starting sleeping together about 3 months ago and i'm already bored. He's my first, i wanted to sleep together about a year ago but he just kept saying no so i got used to not having sex  and stopped wanting to. when we did the only reason i went ahead was because i was scared this would be the only time he would actually ever want to and if i didn't then we'd just never have sex but i didn't really want to. i want more excitement and to try new things but he won't try anything so i find it hard to be aroused by him now and have asked if we can stop doing anything. He's frustrated because i've never reached orgasm from sex and doesn't understand why i want to stop. Sex is just boring with him and i've been tempted to cheat, i'm worried i'll just do it one day but i love him so i don't want to split up just because the sex is boring. what do i do? just carry on not having sex or having boring sex or maybe i should split with him? this problem is causing tension and i'm scared it will break us up. i haven't told him i think sex is boring but i have suggested we try new things but he won't.
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    Sex is a really important part of a relationship. You can't just sideline it and say, "Oh I will love all the rest of this person but not the sex and I can just get by putting up with the way it is". Sooner or later, ( and it sounds sooner in your case) you will get restless, angry, and unfaithful--or break up. None of these are a good option, are they?

   So, you have to lay it on the line. Tell him you aren't happy and you need to change your sexual life- be more passionate, more experimental, more foreplay-- whatever it is.. If he says no, you have your answer not just about sex-- but how he would be in a long term relationship if you needed something to change... it just won't work with a guy who isnt trying to see your point of view and change in some ways to please you.

   If he won't try to do some of the things you need sexually, I think the relationship is doomed and that it's better to get out early than wait until it turns really really sour- or you betray him in any way.  Try your best to talk it over, negotiate some changes, even go to a therapist together. If he balks at all of this- I think that no matter how you feel about him, sooner or later the relationship will break up. If I were you I would try my best to tell him that the relationship is in crisis and if he will help you solve this problem, it could be great. Then, if he was absolutely not willing to work with me to rejuvenate our sex life together, I would sadly tell him that the relationship had to end. That might snap him into a more constructive approach to the relationship-- but if it doesn't , you should be out of there.
14 Comments
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Avatar_f_tn
oh that is tough. i dont think cheating is the answer and you know that. if it IS a big deal. (which sex is) let him go. if he wont try and you arent happy maybe its more than that. sorry i dont have a happy answer for you.
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Avatar_n_tn
I have to agree with Pertykitty. Sex really is an important part of the relationship. It sort of serves as a barometer of how things are going otherwise- and he is not willing to try new things with you to make you happy. Some people are not sexually compatible and when you take sex away you are really just friends. Just my opinion, but I wouldn't want to settle for bad sex the rest of my life!
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Avatar_n_tn
everything else is perfect though, it's just the sex, would'nt i seem a bit of a ***** for dumping him because the sex is rubbish? i really dont want to split up i love him so much :(
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Avatar_f_tn
it would be better to split than cheat.
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Avatar_n_tn
to be honest i don't think i could cheat on him, i've been tempted but it would hurt him way too much. i'm just scared i'll get really drunk an do something but i'd never do it otherwise. its hard with me being at uni and him so far away too, we broke up for about a week last year because he didn't come to see me for about six weeks even though i asked him to so many times. we got back together but the next day i got drunk and kissed someone else. i needed some affection and to feel loved if that makes sense? he very nearly broke up with me for it but it seemed to be the thing that made him change and realise he was being a rubbish boyfriend. hes been the best boyfriend ever since then and i know i'm never gonna find anyone that i click with as a person as much.
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Avatar_n_tn
I had a boyfriend that I did click with in every way besides sex- he just didn't seem interested and wasn't experimental at all! My boyfriend before that practically tore my clothes off all day long and I was used to that. Anyway, the bad-sex boyfriend eventually started wearing on me. I didn't feel attractive at all! I just thought it was weird. Most guys are more than happy to please their woman in bed and are open to almost anything. Guys are just horny by nature, usually! Anyway, my personal opinion is you should not settle for bad sex. If you feel like reaching out to another man to feel attractive that is just not a good sign at all.
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Avatar_n_tn
that's exactly what it's like! it's nice to know i'm not the only on out there that has this problem :) i don't know if it's that he makes me feel unattractive as such, he makes me feel pretty but i feel as if i have no sex appeal to him
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Avatar_n_tn
And that is so important, to feel like you are sexually appealing to him! Sex can be an incredibly fun and enriching bond between a couple in love. Like your little secret world or something. It isn't as important to some people but I didn't used to think it was that important until I had to do without. Now, I wouldn't have it any other way.
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Avatar_f_tn
if you get loosy goosy when you drink then you need to consider not drinking.
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Avatar_n_tn
the EASY thing to do is to quit, thats the modern way of dealing
with problems. there must be something you guys can do to figure
this thing out !  stay with it and work at it as long as you can. but in the end, if you can't resolve this issue, i'd say
find another "special someone" to make you happy.    l.e.
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Avatar_n_tn
Go rent a porn. Buy whip cream, chocolate syrup, and hand cuff's. You be the boss and tell him what you want. All relationships go thru dry spells, but just after a few months it's not normal. Buy a book. Maybe if you teach him somethings, he will be better. I hope you find something that works. Cheating will probably come back to bite you in the butt.
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Avatar_n_tn
Same here! I dont no what to do. I've been with my boyfriend for almost a year and have been sleeping with him for most of that. We're both eachothers first sexual partners and we love eachother more than anything and I never orgasm but I tell him I do. I can't tell him I dont, he would feel so betrayed and hurt. I find it boring and it sounds so horrible!  
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Avatar_f_tn
yea my ex was like that but the thing with him was he wanted to do it all the time and when things would be getting good for me he would c** right away and that usta get me pissed off until i couldn't take it anymore and i left him
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