Stuck in relationship with preg girlfriend

[Len69]

Dont love my girlfriend, thought I could, so I tried..., but now she is pregnant. Is there any advise on how to learn t love her for the sake of my unborn? I know i should have told her how i realy feel, and i did. but she still kept on so i said we could try the relationship. we broke up a couple times because i didnt love her. i moved away. new job, new place..loneliness and we were back together again. i went on with my career and she followed after we discussed it, because i said i wouldnt compromise my future just yet, thats why i didnt stay and she followed.
Ive always felt stuck in this relationship and now she is preg. Darn. I cant help but feel like im missing something great and now it is too late. i can prepare for a lifetime of loneliness because i had no backbone!

I know you get alot of questions and i would appreciate it if u would have time for mine.

Im 27 fairly intelligent. Besides all the good things in my life. I grew up with alcoholic biking parents, experienced neglect, was a bully at school, twice molested when i was young, three year drug stint. Now almost five years clean with a good job

Cant remember anything since before 14 years old.

I just say these things so that there is some idea of who i am, and if these issues still play a role in my current situation.

thank you

[Janice M Epp, PhD]

Since you're faced with imminent parenthood, it seems to me you should be part of any decision. Have the two of you discussed her NOT continuing the pregnancy?

If this isn't possible, then you have two choices: stay or go and be an absentee father. Sometimes being an absentee parent is actually more helpful than staying in an unhappy relationship. Children are great affected by parents' unhappiness.

You can't create love where none exists; however, in previous centuries, when marriages were arranged, people often found they could become friends. Perhaps that's possible for you. The danger here is that you'll feel more and more trapped and resentful as the years go on.

I would caution you to look at the rest of your life and where it's headed. Do you see yourself happy in this relationship 10 years from now? 20? 30? How about a lifetime with no love? These are important questions to examine. You might want to see a counselor who can help you examine these issues. Best of luck to you. Dr. J

These are questions for you to consider.

[Len69]

Thank You

[tejodouro]

You say that you always went back to her because you were lonely.  Maybe you can look at the positives that she brings to your life. There is a reason that you were with her and you let her follow you.  You can not learn to love her but maybe you have a positive feeling that she brings to you when you are together. Also, there is a baby involved and you can  decide that you are going to give this little new person a better life than you had with your parents who neglected you.  You can give this child: (1) Father's love (2) Care for him/her because you have a good job and you are a good person (3) make sure that he is not molested.  You need to be strong for this new person.  If you look within you and you do not see the positive that this woman can bring to your life and you can not be a good father, you probably need to consider adoption for the baby.  But if you decide to be a father and you are a good father, you will find the best kind of love that you can have, the one from your child.  If you are a good father, this child will love you like nobody ever did or will for the rest of your life.  Don't feel so down because a child is the best gift from life and God.