Aa
Thrush
I'm a 24 year women , I love the idea of hjhaving sex but I'm beggining to think its just not for me . I've been dating the say guy for the past 7years ,he is uncircumised and at the age of 40 .he loves having sex with me , I've never rly enjoyed him that much , whenever we have sex , I tear and if not I get to have very bad swallon vigana more like bad trush . I would love to enjoy having sex with him as well but for me sex is & has never been fun . Pls help I'm desperate .
MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
Hello.
There are many reasons you may not be enjoying sex--too many to list here. However, here's some general information for you to think about.
Sexual desire is a very tenuous thing: it can come and go many times. Has it occurred to you that you may have some issues with your relationship? Perhaps you’re bored, but don’t know how to express yourself, or you’re holding back for fear of hurting your partner's feelings (fairly common among women).
Ask yourself what changed since you first met. Do you think about sex—not with him, but with others? Do you daydream about sex with celebrities, etc.? Do you self-pleasure? Have sexy dreams? If so, that would indicate that you’re interested in sex, but you’re just not interested in sex with your partner. This could be an indicator that it’s the relationship that’s problematic, not sex in and of itself.
On the other hand, if you DON’T think about sex ever, if it’s not a priority for you, then you may be repressing sexual feelings, or you’re just not that interested in sex. We all go through periods in our life when our sexual interests fluctuate—just like our interests in other aspects of life.
It’s also possible that, for some reason, you’re no longer turned on to your partner. And, of course, many other factors can influence desire. Are you content with yourself, with your life, with your relationship? Are there any family or work crises? And how’s your physical health? There are numerous medical conditions that can also contribute to lack of desire.
Are you an anxious person? If you’re feeling anxious or unsure of yourself, your desire for sex will be affected. Or you may have conflicting feelings about being sexual, based on earlier issues in your life. Or you may actually FEEL desire, but suppress it, due to feeling conflicted. Are you aware of any reasons you may have for avoiding sex with your partner?
Other reasons you might not be turned on: If you’re worried about pleasing your partner, rather than just enjoying pleasure, this can be a turn-off. The other message that many of us receive is that sex is somehow dirty and wrong, unless you’re doing it for reproductive purposes. Sometimes this can creep into our unconscious thoughts and sabotage any pleasure.
And, of course, there’s the whole issue of your partner's attitudes and behaviors and whether any of those are affecting your desire. Is sex mostly about HIS pleasure rather than yours? Or do you feel that sex is about satisfying him rather than yourself?
So, to recap: you may have negative attitudes about sex in general, or may have performance issues or be bored or frustrated. Think about the issues I’ve raised and see if any resonate. I’m wondering what YOU think is contributing to this. You’ve probably got more insight than you realize. For more information about women's sexuality and desire, I recommend the book, "For Yourself: The Fulfillment of Female Sexuality," by Lonnie Barbach, Ph.D., widely available online both used and in paperback. This is a classic book which has helped thousands of women reclaim their sexuality.Best of luck to you. Dr. J
There are many reasons you may not be enjoying sex--too many to list here. However, here's some general information for you to think about.
Sexual desire is a very tenuous thing: it can come and go many times. Has it occurred to you that you may have some issues with your relationship? Perhaps you’re bored, but don’t know how to express yourself, or you’re holding back for fear of hurting your partner's feelings (fairly common among women).
Ask yourself what changed since you first met. Do you think about sex—not with him, but with others? Do you daydream about sex with celebrities, etc.? Do you self-pleasure? Have sexy dreams? If so, that would indicate that you’re interested in sex, but you’re just not interested in sex with your partner. This could be an indicator that it’s the relationship that’s problematic, not sex in and of itself.
On the other hand, if you DON’T think about sex ever, if it’s not a priority for you, then you may be repressing sexual feelings, or you’re just not that interested in sex. We all go through periods in our life when our sexual interests fluctuate—just like our interests in other aspects of life.
It’s also possible that, for some reason, you’re no longer turned on to your partner. And, of course, many other factors can influence desire. Are you content with yourself, with your life, with your relationship? Are there any family or work crises? And how’s your physical health? There are numerous medical conditions that can also contribute to lack of desire.
Are you an anxious person? If you’re feeling anxious or unsure of yourself, your desire for sex will be affected. Or you may have conflicting feelings about being sexual, based on earlier issues in your life. Or you may actually FEEL desire, but suppress it, due to feeling conflicted. Are you aware of any reasons you may have for avoiding sex with your partner?
Other reasons you might not be turned on: If you’re worried about pleasing your partner, rather than just enjoying pleasure, this can be a turn-off. The other message that many of us receive is that sex is somehow dirty and wrong, unless you’re doing it for reproductive purposes. Sometimes this can creep into our unconscious thoughts and sabotage any pleasure.
And, of course, there’s the whole issue of your partner's attitudes and behaviors and whether any of those are affecting your desire. Is sex mostly about HIS pleasure rather than yours? Or do you feel that sex is about satisfying him rather than yourself?
So, to recap: you may have negative attitudes about sex in general, or may have performance issues or be bored or frustrated. Think about the issues I’ve raised and see if any resonate. I’m wondering what YOU think is contributing to this. You’ve probably got more insight than you realize. For more information about women's sexuality and desire, I recommend the book, "For Yourself: The Fulfillment of Female Sexuality," by Lonnie Barbach, Ph.D., widely available online both used and in paperback. This is a classic book which has helped thousands of women reclaim their sexuality.Best of luck to you. Dr. J
Is it possible that you are not lubricated enough? You don't say if you've been having this problem the whole 7 years or if it is recent. I think you & your boyfriend should definitely see a medical Doctor regarding this problem. I was married to an uncircumcised man for 10 years and we never had any problems, so I don't think it's that. But then again, I'm not qualified to give an exact answer. Hope you get this taken care of so that you can enjoy sex.
Since you say you've never enjoyed sex, might I suggest that the two of you read some books on the subject. My husband & I enjoy a good sex life, but a person can never know too much on any subject, so from time to time I still read them. I also enjoy reading some of the "Explicit Adult Stories". Find some stories that you enjoy and share them with him.
I don't know if the two of you speak openly about what you enjoy during sex, but that is the most important information a couple can share with one another. Also, if you're not sure or don't know what really "turns you on", might I suggest masturbation. We women need to know our own body & what we like sexually before we can tell our partner. If it's feels embarrassing to you, you might try writing it down until you can become more comfortable. Being able to talk with each other openly about sex is one of the most important things two people should do, yet many do not. My personal opinion is that women hesitate to say anything for fear her mate may think she's criticizing him. But the subject can be approached in a "I like you to know this about me..." sort of way or even showing him, should not cause problems. If it does, maybe there's more than just the physical problems.
Good luck & hope this has helped, at least part of it.
Since you say you've never enjoyed sex, might I suggest that the two of you read some books on the subject. My husband & I enjoy a good sex life, but a person can never know too much on any subject, so from time to time I still read them. I also enjoy reading some of the "Explicit Adult Stories". Find some stories that you enjoy and share them with him.
I don't know if the two of you speak openly about what you enjoy during sex, but that is the most important information a couple can share with one another. Also, if you're not sure or don't know what really "turns you on", might I suggest masturbation. We women need to know our own body & what we like sexually before we can tell our partner. If it's feels embarrassing to you, you might try writing it down until you can become more comfortable. Being able to talk with each other openly about sex is one of the most important things two people should do, yet many do not. My personal opinion is that women hesitate to say anything for fear her mate may think she's criticizing him. But the subject can be approached in a "I like you to know this about me..." sort of way or even showing him, should not cause problems. If it does, maybe there's more than just the physical problems.
Good luck & hope this has helped, at least part of it.
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