This forum is for questions and support regarding relationship issues such as: Abstinence, Arousal Problems, Birth Control, Cohabitation, Commitment, Communication, Couples Counseling, Desire /Lack of Desire, Sexual Technique.
I'm 18 years old. I've been with my boyfriend for two years now. We have recently had some problems to do with trust. I've found out that he lied to me about an ex. And it made me feel a bit distant and not being able to trust him.
And we haven't didn't anything sex wise for nearly 5months now.
I feel like I'm over it, but there's like 1% i don't trust him still. I dunno what to do.
I want to put all behind me and get on with my life. I would like to start having sex again.
I want it to be special, romantic though.
I don't want to have to tell him, i wish he would just plan something.
Or try hinting to see if he know's what i want?
I dunno, i need help.
do u really think that in the last 5 months he hasnt had sex? at ur ages thats unheard of!!!!!
did u stop having sex with him that long b/c of ur own feelings about it or is it him that doesnt hint around to it? trust is a big thing in a relationship and if u havent been about to trust him to even have sex in 5 months, then why else were u with him, did he still make u happy, not saying sex is number 1.
I stopped having sex with him because i felt so betrayed and i just didn't feel right doing that sort of thing.
I wanted to get things back on track and to know if i would be able to trust him again, sort of thing.
He does make me happy and i love him a lot
I guess because how i felt, with him lieing to me, i felt horrible and betrayed. And i became distant, i didn't want the whole sex thing or anything. I wanted to see if i could get over it and get things back to normal.
Now i feel that he understands what he's did to me. And he doesn't keep things from me anymore.
I want us to get back to normal.
I want romantic nights, but i don't want to turn around and ask for them.
I want him to plan them, sort of thing.
But without telling him.
Got a good way i could hint him? lol
I think your best bet is to just tell him what you want. No one is a mind-reader (and you'll certainly hear guys complaining about this - having to know what their girlfriend is thinking). Tell him and then encourage him when he makes the effort. It may not be perfect, but fine-tuning that will come with good communication and practice.
If you don't mind my asking, what was the lie about? People make mistakes - some they're responsible for, and some they're not. If you're serious about this relationship then you have to reach a point where the mistake happened, you've both already talked about what can be done to prevent the mistake again, and put your trust in that. It sounds like if the lie is still bothering you, then you two haven't finished dealing with it as a couple. Whether that's because of your part of his part depends on the details. Good luck.
Just tell him. If you want a serious relationship you need to be mature about it. You guys should be past the hinting and should be able to communicate your wants and needs. Just say "BF, I have been doing a lot of thinking and soul searching and I feel now that I'm ready to have sex with you again. I just don't want to jump into it. I would like for you to surprise me and make it romantic." Just realize it's not going to be romantic every time. That's unrealistic. But your first time and occasionally throughout your relationship it should be and if you tell him you want romance, it most likely will be.
Look, say to him, When I have sex it is a special thing to me. I do it becaue I love the person. I feel close to them and want to share it. When I found out about the ex- I lost that feeling. Over the last five months that feeling has come back. I think we are back on the right track. I just want you to know that trust is improtant to me. we may face this in the future again and I hope, if we do, we can e-buidl those feelings like we did this time. Also, I did not do this as a punishment. I was not withhodling sex to punish you. I would not do tht because I love you. I just wanted to be ready to have sex to the fullest with you. I am ready now. I know you might not be ready right now, but when you are let me know. Lets make it special."
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