Urinate

whenever i am having sex all i feel is like i want to urinated can this problem be fix and if how.secondly i cant get a orgasm and my man is doing his best to make me have one please advise me how to fit this problem thank you

[Janice M Epp, PhD]

Hello.

It's quite common for women to feel the need to urinate during sexual arousal. There are several reasons. If you're unused to sexual arousal, you may mistake the sensations for the sensation of a full bladder. You may be receiving stimulation near your urethral opening (where urine is expelled), and this may have become irritated due to too much stimulation without enough lubrication.

Or you may be feeling the need to urinate because your PC muscle isn't toned. it’s possible that your PC muscle has gotten weak. The PC muscle is the muscle around the entrance to your vagina. It’s also related to the strength of your orgasmic contractions, so if it’s weak or flabby, your orgasms will be weak and flabby too. To strengthen your PC muscle, do Kegel exercises (named for the physician who discovered this clever little muscle). Luckily, the PC muscle also stops and starts the flow of urine, so it’s easy to locate. Just contract it as though you’re trying to hold back the flow of urine. Got it? Now begin a daily regimen of contracting and relaxing the muscle. It helps to associate it with something you do each day—like taking a shower.

Once your PC muscle is strong, you’ll probably notice that it's easier to orgasm. Bonus!

The other possibility is that you have a bladder infection of some. You should see a gynecologist for an exam to determine whether you have a medical condition that's causing this.

About orgasms:

Most of us learn about women’s orgasms from movies, TV and books. You know: the perfect, romantic, spontaneous, simultaneous, earth-moving Big O. We’re supposed to orgasm from 2 minutes of penis-vagina sex in the missionary position in the dark with a partner who is clueless. So we put this pressure on ourselves and are mostly disappointed when it doesn’t happen.

Here’s the reality: In women, the clitoris must be stimulated—either directly or indirectly—in order for orgasm to happen. The clitoris is our primary sex organ--not the vagina--and consists of the glans (glands) (or head), the hood which covers the glans (glands), and the shaft. Most women do not orgasm from penis-vagina sex alone, so please don't put pressure on yourself to do so.

For most women, orgasm results from a constant circular motion around the shaft and glans (glands). Also important to know is that once a woman’s orgasm begins, if the stimulation is removed, the orgasm will end. Orgasm is characterized by a series of pleasurable, involuntary contractions in and around the vulva (clitoris, vagina and inner/outer lips). Most women have between 5 and 8 contractions per orgasm.

It takes time and practice to learn about your own orgasms before you share them with a partner, and it's important that you “own” your orgasm fully and not let someone else define how you should be responding. The best way to find out what you like is to experiment when you’re alone. Check out the area around your clitoris first. Be sure to use some lubrication and gently touch around the top and sides to find out what feels good. You may need to do this many times before you get comfortable and used to the intensity. Find the sensitive spots that feel good. The best part of this learning experience is that it’s fun!

Once you understand your own body’s responses, then you can begin to share them with a partner—even more fun! Be patient. It takes time to learn and to build up trust, but if you do this now, you’ll be setting yourself up for yummy sex for the rest of your life. I highly recommend the book, "For Yourself: The Fulfillment of Female Sexuality," by Lonnie Barbach, Ph.D.. It's widely available online in paperback, and is a step-by-step program for learning about your own sexual response. In addition, it contains lots of sharing by women about their own personal journeys of sexual self-discovery. I think it will help you immensely.

And one final word about orgasms: They last about 10 seconds, and yet we put so much value on them. Besides orgasm, there are lots of pleasurable things to enjoy during sex--whether it's with yourself or with a partner. So please don't focus solely on orgasm. If you put that kind of pressure on yourself, it becomes a "job" instead of fun. And sex can be lots of fun if you relax and enjoy all the sensations. Sex is a grand buffet of wonderful dishes. If you focus on only one, you'll miss out on all the other wonderful flavors. Good luck! Dr. J