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Vasectomy/Reversal and early release
It has been about a year since I have my Vasectomy and my feiance now wants to have a baby. Now I have to go spend thousands of dollars to have it reversed. I still don't want another child. I have on one natural son that I lost in a custody battle after my wife died to her mother. She did not stop till I sign all rights away. Now my feiance wants us to have one together. I love her very much but I just don't want to go through the pain again and have anout infection after the surgery. She has a daughter and her husband died a few years before my wife. What would you suggest for this and now part two.
After the Vascetomy I am releasing a lot sooner than before. I was able to go for 20 to 30 minutes before and then now it is less than 5 minutes or sooner.
OK I hate to talk about these problems but I need advise.
After the Vascetomy I am releasing a lot sooner than before. I was able to go for 20 to 30 minutes before and then now it is less than 5 minutes or sooner.
OK I hate to talk about these problems but I need advise.
MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
This is a tough question. Let me ask the most important part of it first. Is your objection to the vasectomy or to the child? If it is to the vasectomy- why not adopt or have her impregnated at a fertility clinic with someone else's sperm? If you would like a child, and miss having your son, and your fiance really wants to raise a child, why not create parenthood one of the ways I have suggested? The vast majority of people love an adopted child, or a child produced through a fertility clinic, exactly as much as they would a child produced out of their own DNA...at least it is worth deep consideration. If however, your true objection is to the child, then be honest with yourself and your partner. You do not want to have an unwanted child come into your life. It would not be fair to the child, your partner and yourself. A child is a huge commitment- the biggest one you can make- and you would want to do it whole heartedly and with joy and gratitude.
I am sorry to hear about your problems with a vasectomy. Most vasectomies are easy and do not produce an infection. However, they are supposed to be permanent and it is not clear if another reversal would work. Some do, but you would have to go to your first doctor to see if there was enough vas to reconnect- or if there might be some problem caused by the infection or some other reason. The chances of a successful reconnection might be low- another consideration.
On the other hand, I have not heard stories about vasectomies affecting the time from excitement to ejaculation,. I would go see your doctor and see if there could be some medical complication- but it is quite possible that you are physically affected because you are under stress , or because you are not sure about how the impact of this discussion over a child will affect your relationship. Try reducing the stress for awhile- take a romantic day or weekend together, make love without talking about the child issue first. Back off of the issue altogther for awhile and see how your penis behaves under less pressure and more fun together. You'd be surprised or psychological sexual arousal is!
Go to your urologist and find out about some of the questions I have proposed in this answer to you. Bottom line- if you don't want another child- don't have one. This may come down to a choice your fiance has to make- between you and the opportunity to have aqother child-- but that is the more reasonable dilemna than to keep her by having a child you don't want-- and then having the presence of an unwanted child spoil the relationship later. Sure, some people adapt to an unexpected or unwanted child-- but many do not. Be thoughtful about your feelings about the possibility of a child and remember that a child deserves love- and if at all possible, an intact family. Don't have the child unless you feel you can reasonably expect to provide both.
I agree with being very honest about it with your fiancee. If it is her dream to have children, and you do not want them and are not going to change your mind, you don't sound like a good fit together. Good luck!
In NC the law give the same Parental rights to the parents of the spouse that past. I did not know this til the court case was over and with her mother being a woman and the way the law is, she won joint custody and then she tried to get that removed because a 15 mile ride was too much on him. She said all in court that he needed a relationship with his dad but never ment a word of it. I knew that if she won custody it would not stop at the joint thing.
Let me explain a little more on that. My wife before she past was a stay at home mom and I worked 30 miles away from the house. So I let her take him to doctor's apointments and school stuff on her own with that if it was going to a non regular appointment IE Specialist to contact me and I would see if I could get off work to go. Then after she past her mother stepped in and basicly took my son in and started doing the things that my wife did. I was still in shock pretty much for some time about 6 weeks and then I met again my fiance now. We talked through a lot of the issues I was having with the passing of my wife. She had been through the same thng a few years earlier with her husband and my friend passing away. We had something in common. This started a relationship that my mother-in-law did not like. She started making sure that my son was out with his aunt so I could not talk to him on the phone. along story but for over 6 weeks a saw him each and every night after work and then on weekends would spend all day over at her house seeing him. A lot of things happened in the time with the relationship and I did not want to bring my son in till I knew it was going t be a good thing for him. When I did the S hit the fan with the mother in law.
After about three weekends with my feiance and myself, he, my sone said he wanted to come and live with me. I talked it over with my fiance for about thirty minute becuase she would be the one that had to take him back and forth from school. She loved the idea and wanted him to be with her and her daughter that was a few years longer than him. When I called his grandmother and told her that he wanted to stay with me full time it was a shock the things she said to me on the phone, but maybe not. I told her that he said he wanted to stay and I did not tell him anything. He said it on is own and she would not beleive it. I guess the next day she started going arround and talking to lawyers as it made it hard for me to get one since it would be a conflick of interest for them if they talke to her and then took my case. I had a friend in one of the lawers offices tell me that she had already came by and talked about it. She said her boss did not want to take the case because she knew me and that if the case was won it might hurt our friendship.
OK back the the Monster-in-Law, she finally got a lawer to take the case and then hired a second one also. She got people at church to turn against me and come in a testify in court. 13 came a told half truths like I never sa him hold his son and they frgot to mention that they sat on the front row and that my wife and I sat on one of the back three rows. So that only told how good of a christian they were by not paying attention to the preacher. But if I could have only remembered that infomation in court.
I admit I made a lot of mistakes in the raising of my son before my wife passed. I took to much advantage of her becuase she was at home. I loved her very much and missed her so much and yes maybe I moved on too soon. But I was lonely and needed someone to care for me. I know it sounds like it was for me and not my son but it was not. I needed to get my life back together and then bring him in.
OK back to the baby thing. I have told her and she still wants a baby. I do in a way but I don't want to have to shell out $5 to $12K in order to do it. I would rather adopt a child and give it the love it needs. I love her daughter as if she was my own now and it appears that my fiance is not satisfied with that. I just don't know what to do about that. The money thing I don't have that kind of money liying around like many other Americans do also. That is a car, downpayment on a house and by the way our house is already to small with all the craft stuff she does including sewing.
Thanks
Let me explain a little more on that. My wife before she past was a stay at home mom and I worked 30 miles away from the house. So I let her take him to doctor's apointments and school stuff on her own with that if it was going to a non regular appointment IE Specialist to contact me and I would see if I could get off work to go. Then after she past her mother stepped in and basicly took my son in and started doing the things that my wife did. I was still in shock pretty much for some time about 6 weeks and then I met again my fiance now. We talked through a lot of the issues I was having with the passing of my wife. She had been through the same thng a few years earlier with her husband and my friend passing away. We had something in common. This started a relationship that my mother-in-law did not like. She started making sure that my son was out with his aunt so I could not talk to him on the phone. along story but for over 6 weeks a saw him each and every night after work and then on weekends would spend all day over at her house seeing him. A lot of things happened in the time with the relationship and I did not want to bring my son in till I knew it was going t be a good thing for him. When I did the S hit the fan with the mother in law.
After about three weekends with my feiance and myself, he, my sone said he wanted to come and live with me. I talked it over with my fiance for about thirty minute becuase she would be the one that had to take him back and forth from school. She loved the idea and wanted him to be with her and her daughter that was a few years longer than him. When I called his grandmother and told her that he wanted to stay with me full time it was a shock the things she said to me on the phone, but maybe not. I told her that he said he wanted to stay and I did not tell him anything. He said it on is own and she would not beleive it. I guess the next day she started going arround and talking to lawyers as it made it hard for me to get one since it would be a conflick of interest for them if they talke to her and then took my case. I had a friend in one of the lawers offices tell me that she had already came by and talked about it. She said her boss did not want to take the case because she knew me and that if the case was won it might hurt our friendship.
OK back the the Monster-in-Law, she finally got a lawer to take the case and then hired a second one also. She got people at church to turn against me and come in a testify in court. 13 came a told half truths like I never sa him hold his son and they frgot to mention that they sat on the front row and that my wife and I sat on one of the back three rows. So that only told how good of a christian they were by not paying attention to the preacher. But if I could have only remembered that infomation in court.
I admit I made a lot of mistakes in the raising of my son before my wife passed. I took to much advantage of her becuase she was at home. I loved her very much and missed her so much and yes maybe I moved on too soon. But I was lonely and needed someone to care for me. I know it sounds like it was for me and not my son but it was not. I needed to get my life back together and then bring him in.
OK back to the baby thing. I have told her and she still wants a baby. I do in a way but I don't want to have to shell out $5 to $12K in order to do it. I would rather adopt a child and give it the love it needs. I love her daughter as if she was my own now and it appears that my fiance is not satisfied with that. I just don't know what to do about that. The money thing I don't have that kind of money liying around like many other Americans do also. That is a car, downpayment on a house and by the way our house is already to small with all the craft stuff she does including sewing.
Thanks
If you don't want children then you should be open to your wife about it. Communication is vital. If you don't want children b/c you are affraid of losing him/her, then you may want to get yourself in to therapy to help yuo deal with this. Children are a blessing and can touch your heart as you have already experienced? Why, may I ask, did custody go over to your ex mother in law? Sounds odd.
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Millions of people are diagnosed with STDs in the U.S. each year.
STDs can't be transmitted by casual contact, like hugging or touching.
Syphilis is an STD that is transmitted by oral, genital and anal sex.
Discharge often isn't normal, and could mean an infection or an STD.
STDs aren't transmitted through clothing. Fabric is a germ barrier.
Normal vaginal discharge varies in color, smell, texture and amount.
