Wait for you...

[143Lucky]

Hey there so my boyfriend or shall I say my :"ex" we have been together for almost a year and he broke up with me about four months ago, but I wasn't ready to let him go because I'm still in love with him. He was the first man I lost my virginity to and I never loved anyone so much in my life. We stayed really close friends after break up.. I still wait for him. The reason why he broke up with me in the first place was because he said that there is no future for us.. And that totally broke me into pieces. But he never seemed to get rid of me, like he still wants to be my friend and we do hang out but not as much as we used to. Its been four months already and til this day I never seemed to give up on our relationship. I really love him and he makes me happy inside just by hearing his voice.. It's very hard to wait, even though I thought it might have been easy. He's the only one I want and everyday it's so hard to deal without him by my side. I don't know why he doesn't want me, but I do always ask him when is he going to come back. And he just doesn't know.. I'm 20 years old and he's 21. We both will start the same college this upcoming semester and we are really good friends we have a  lot of respect for each other. But I also love him unconditionally.. So that's my long story (sorry about that) And my biggest question is do you think I'm doing the right thing waiting for him?

[Janice M Epp, PhD]

Hi there.

I'm so sorry to hear you're in this situation. It's very hard when you love someone who doesn't love you. However, judging from his actions, I'd say it's a good bet that he definitely only wants you as a friend now. You ask whether you're doing the right thing by waiting for him. Only YOU can know the answer to that. Does it feel right? Do you feel good about yourself doing this?

Realize that many relationships run their course--especially when you're in your teens and early 20's. You'll need some time to grieve, of course, but eventually you must move on with your life. Learn from this relationship. In fact, EVERY relationship gives you the opportunity to learn more about yourself, your desires, and your needs.

If you find yourself unable to move on, that indicates that there's something else going on with you--probably related to your self-esteem. If that's the case, find a counselor to talk with. Best of luck to you. Dr. J

[Meral]

hi there...i just wanted to say that i guess a third factor may be between you 2.....from experience,other people u never think about get involved in such things and change your personal things negatively...i think u should take into consideration this thing too....but if there is not a third factor....then i think he is just afraid of serious relationships cos perhaps he sees in others (his mates or whatever)adventures and that`s all about it....Good luck and i m sorry for you...wish you the best.......

[Coco87]

Just because he wants to be friends now doesn't mean you guys wont get back together in the future! The fact that you guys are friends and still hang out means that you dont annoy him and he feels comfortable around you which is a huge plus!! I agree with the Dr. have fun, meet new ppl when you start college you're going to thank him that you weren't in a serious relationship. Party have fun, make mistakes people change everyday maybe in the future you wouldn't want him anymore. The same thing happened to me, I was told from the love of my life they just wanted to be friends, and I cried my eyes out!!! I thought I would never love again but I went away for school and had the time of my life we ended up getting back together but I ended it, and we are still great friends!! I've known him for 7 yrs now and we vent to each other about relationships and everything under the sun, he's my bestfriend. Dont stress it everything happens for a reason LIVE YOUR LIFE!

[therese83]

He never lost anything by dumping you.  He still has you waiting, he can find a new girlfriend as well.  I would separate from him completely.

If he wants you then OK< but you have to accept that he may not want you.

Then in time you might be friends again, but he has it all now !

[143Lucky]

First of all I'd love to say thank you for all your kind words and inspiring advice.. I read and understood it very well. But I just happen to have a huge amount of faith in my heart. I believe in us and since we started spring semester in college together he's been realizing what I'm really worth. And he calls me everynight before I go to sleep like how we used to do back in the days when we were officially boyfriend/girlfriend. And I still wonder at times like why is he talking to me like that.. I asked him and got to the question about is it because you miss having sex with me? And he looks at me and says "if you dont want me to touch then I wont, I love being with you and talking to you." So now he wants to actually go out with me again.. I know he isn't a bad person, everyone gets scared about the future. And even though he hurt me by breaking up with me before I just knew that what we had is true, and I never gave up on him because this faith wouldn't leave me. He lives about an hour away from me but we go to the same college of where I live and I noticed that no matter what happens he always keeps finding a way to come back to where I live. And believe me there's so many good colleges near him lol. He also makes up excuses just to see me or study together. Cant wait til Valentines.. Just make it simple and cute :)

And thank you all for your kind advice.. I appreciate it ♥