This forum is for questions and support regarding relationship issues such as: Abstinence, Arousal Problems, Birth Control, Cohabitation, Commitment, Communication, Couples Counseling, Desire /Lack of Desire, Sexual Technique.
Ok, so my partner and I have been having a great sexual relationship since we have been together. Well now, he rather play with beer bottles than with me. He drinks six/eight beers and then when I am thinking we are going to have some fun we cant because he starts out fine and then goes limp on me....I am very unsatisfied. And I am getting angry about it. I love him, and i know that sex isn't everything, but I wish he would realize what this is doing to our sex life. What could I say to him to make him understand?
I think this question came up before but just in case it is a new question from a new person, I would offer the same advice. This is a discussion that needs to take place between two people who are trying to build an intimate relationship. You have to talk to him about how it makes you feel when he is drinking and makes it impossible for him to have sex with you. You need to know if he is just being thoughtless or unaware of the fact that you desire him and you can't have him during these moments-- or if he is drinking to avoid intimacy. If he really is nervous or not anxious to have sex, then the two of you need to discuss what might be causing that. If he just drinks too much, you need to voice your concern about his health and how that could affect not only your present, but your future happiness. The two of you are in a relationship--that means you have to relate! Talk, be honest, be compassionate, but also show him how hurt you are when his drinking overtakes him and shuts you out. If he is the man you should be with, he will be sorry, realize he is not acting in his own best interests ( as well as yours) and change his ways. I hope he appreciates your concern, the fact that you felt the relationship was important enough to share your thoughts with him, and that he cleans up his act pronto.
it just makes me so freaking mad, and it wasn't always like that....but now it seems to be all that is on his mind...and i am about ready to give up...i mean, if you know you cant perform then atleast let me know instead of letting me down....
do you think its possible that he has some other isssue going on (either physical or emotional) that may be causing him to go limp so he drinks as to make that the reason why he cannot perform? like...its not "me" its because of the beer. OR do you think he is not in the mood so he drinks?
I too am in your boat, you are not alone, except my guy has more interest in beer and World of Warcraft and porn. Its almost like I am nonexistant, except when he needs another cold one from the fridge, which I reluctantly retrieve. Our sex life has diminshed since mid October, and has gotten worse due to a medical situation (ectopic pregnancy), and I do not want to get started on that one (lets just say when a doctor tells him that I am in a detrimental state and may need to get rushed to the hospital at any given moment, it didn't stop him). Nothing terrible has happened, but feel that we are now becoming more like friends as opposed to bf/gf. We live together as well. I understand. I have given him the speech (turns into a weekly discussion) but nothing has changed.
sadly enough there may be nothing you can do. maybe tell him he needs to change or youre outta there, you love him whatever. most likely though it wont work. if he has problems and is turning to alcohol then it will be when he is ready. talk to them (both of you who are experiencing this) and see what is wrong, that is if they will open up. i however would NOT be retrieving beer. not if this issue is working in the negative manner it is. im sorry, it sucks when we are put on the back burner. is this something that can be overcome or do you pick a time to say goodbye? have that long heart to heart convo and see if you can help them with their problems. if that doesnt work a steel toed boot might lol.
My exhusband was the same way. Beer was his life.....not me and not his kids (from his 1st marriage). They begged him to stop drinking all the time. While I was with him, there was a lot of morning sex because he could perform then. I just got tired of all the drinking and left. You are on the same path...just dont, dont, dont get married to an addict of any kind. You will NEVER be happy. Best of luck to you.
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