This forum is for questions and support regarding relationship issues such as: Abstinence, Arousal Problems, Birth Control, Cohabitation, Commitment, Communication, Couples Counseling, Desire /Lack of Desire, Sexual Technique.
i just turned 18. ive been with my boyfriend for a 1 year and 6 months. Ive never had much intrest in having sex because i want to stay a virgin and i think sex just confuses things. i told my boyfriend before we got together i dont want to have sex till im married if you don't respect this you can get lost. he was quiet keen to be with me, he said and that this didnt matter. nowerdays he make me feel so bad. hes like you never let me touch you, you never let me see much, why wont you have sex with me, why dont you have anual sex with me it isnt sex. im stubborn and refused to have anything with the word sex init. to cut a long story short he tried to stick his penis in my bum one day i refused and he got in a sulk pushed me away vilontly and turned away. eventually for some reason feeling selfish i agreed and then he tried to do it without a condom. i made him get one which he was angry about as it spoilt the mood. and he used vasiline lip balm as it was the only thing i had. when he put it in i was lying on my stomach it was so paniful and i started to cry, i told him to stop but he didnt and when he did it was only as he cumed. since then ive been getting stomach aches, constantly feeling like i need the toilet, ive been missing meals as i dreed going to the toilet im scared and worried. its painful when i go to the loo and it feels like i havent got it all out and its still stuck in the pipe. its also spoilt our relationship. we went through a short break up and i believe this was as he got what he wanted and no longer wanted to be with me. but later realised it was because i was tellin him i didnt want to be with him, i didnt love him and no longer trusted him as he didnt stop when i cried. please help. im worried and too scared to see a doctor and my boyfriends asked and agreed to go with me. also he fingers me to hard i feel like hes damaging me slowly. am i damaged? will i go back to normal? am i a virgin ? please help im in tears. im so scared. thanks x
Imagine that you like doing something that hurts your boyfriend—say, biting his lips HARD during sex. And he’s told you it hurts and asked you over and over to stop, and you manipulate him into letting you do it. Now that you’ve tried that on, how does it make you feel? Icky, right? You probably couldn’t even GET turned on if you knew it was hurting him. However, it sounds like it may turn HIM on to hurt you. And he doesn’t seem to care. There’s only one way to find out: ask him. You need to start some communication about this issue. Let’s give him the benefit of the doubt and say that he’s somehow convinced himself you really didn’t mind it that much. The only way to clear the air is to talk about it with him.
Since you’ve now decided to be sexual with a partner, you need to take responsibility. It’s imperative that you have a gynecological check-up and it’s also imperative that you’re willing and ready to learn how to take responsibility for both birth control and risk reduction. If you’re being sexual, you MUST take care of yourself. What’s scary about seeing a gynecologist? Look at the alternatives: illness, disease, etc. My question to you is why WOULDN’T you see a physician?
Listen to your heart and trust yourself. You ignored your own good sense that told you that you weren’t yet ready for penis-vagina sex, and now you find yourself in a disturbing situation. You’ll also need to learn to communicate with your boyfriend. If his touch is hurtful, you need to share with him how you’d like to be touched. Dr. J
> and he used vasiline lip balm as it was the only thing i had
And to enter the technical part, never ever use vaseline-based lubricant for sexual contact, anal or vaginal. It cannot be washed out easily and can become an infection nest. Always use water-soluble products.
> when he put it in i was lying on my stomach it was so paniful and i started to cry, i
> told him to stop but he didnt and when he did it was only as he cumed.
This is bad. I cannot imagine a man really caring for his girl doing this. Anal contact should be based on the concent of both parts involved and progress in a very gradual way so that no one is hurt. If there is any pain or if you are just uncomfortable with the idea, just don't do it. Your partrner should respect any reservation from your part about this.
For the rest, I will give you right in refusing any sexual contact, not for the reason you evoked (not yet married) but because you are so young, almost a child. I tasted sex for the first time when I was 21 and it was very intense, I mind-boggling experience. I would not recommend it to younger people. But that's just my personal feeling.
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