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Sexuality & Relationships (Expert Forum)
cant seem to figure it out
Answered by
Janice M Epp, PhD - Female sexual issues, Adolescent sexuality, Male sexual issues
Private Practice
Palo Alto - CA
This forum is for questions and support regarding relationship issues such as: Abstinence, Arousal Problems, Birth Control, Cohabitation, Commitment, Communication, Couples Counseling, Desire /Lack of Desire, Sexual Technique.
cant seem to figure it out
by 1234doggle, Nov 11, 2008 01:26PM
hi im an 18 m and for awhile now everytime i have sex i dont seem to last very long...im not looking to impress but, better myself.ive heard antidepressants like 5htp work,but i wouldnt know.also ive been having the urge to pee every 10 mins no discharge,blood or burning just urgency i wonder if this is also a reason for it,i went to a doctor to find whats wrong but,they arnt sure.
Doctor's Answer
by Janice M Epp, PhD, Nov 19, 2008 05:47PM
, Nov 19, 2008 05:47PMTo: 1234doggle
Hi.
I'm not sure what you're asking. If you have a medical condition, you should see a urologist for a check-up.
In the meantime, here's some information about lasting longer:
During their early self-pleasuring experiments, many men learn a very quick orgasm pattern in order to avoid detection—like in the bathroom (“You’ve been in there for hours! What are you doing?”) Learning to come quickly with a partner can also set up this pattern. Guilt, anxiety and relationship conflict may create a situation where some men just want to get it over with quickly so they won’t have to deal with any of those feelings. And, of course, if you’re focused on “performing,” rather than just enjoying yourself, your penis can become incredibly stubborn and uncooperative.
Many men think they have to last a very long time in order to please their partner, yet most studies show that around 75% of all males have an orgasm within 2 minutes of beginning penis-vagina (p-v) sex . I wonder if you’ve asked your partners whether they also want you to last longer? Are you thinking that if you last longer, somehow your partner will have an orgasm during p-v sex? The fact is that most women DON’T orgasm during p-v sex. It’s a much more effective way for men to orgasm than women.
That said, here are some techniques for lasting longer:
First, slow down during self-pleasuring and unlearn that old pattern of quick orgasm. Try teasing yourself by stimulating yourself just to the point where you feel you’re about to orgasm, then backing off and relaxing, and then beginning again. This will give you a sense of control as well as teach you to recognize your own point of no return (when you know you're about to have an orgasm, no matter what). Another thing to try is when you feel yourself getting close to orgasm, relax, breathe deeply, and cease movement. Some men also find they last longer if they have an orgasm on their own awhile before beginning partner sex. This tends to take the edge off, if you will.
Once you feel in control of your orgasm, you can also examine whether you have any feelings of discomfort with being sexual—either with yourself or with a partner. These feelings of discomfort can create extreme conflict and cause you to feel the need to get it over with quickly. If you look at sex as something to finish quickly—get it up, get it in, get it off—you’ll need to let go of that old mentality. And naturally, any relationship conflicts can also contribute. Good luck to you. Dr. J
I'm not sure what you're asking. If you have a medical condition, you should see a urologist for a check-up.
In the meantime, here's some information about lasting longer:
During their early self-pleasuring experiments, many men learn a very quick orgasm pattern in order to avoid detection—like in the bathroom (“You’ve been in there for hours! What are you doing?”) Learning to come quickly with a partner can also set up this pattern. Guilt, anxiety and relationship conflict may create a situation where some men just want to get it over with quickly so they won’t have to deal with any of those feelings. And, of course, if you’re focused on “performing,” rather than just enjoying yourself, your penis can become incredibly stubborn and uncooperative.
Many men think they have to last a very long time in order to please their partner, yet most studies show that around 75% of all males have an orgasm within 2 minutes of beginning penis-vagina (p-v) sex . I wonder if you’ve asked your partners whether they also want you to last longer? Are you thinking that if you last longer, somehow your partner will have an orgasm during p-v sex? The fact is that most women DON’T orgasm during p-v sex. It’s a much more effective way for men to orgasm than women.
That said, here are some techniques for lasting longer:
First, slow down during self-pleasuring and unlearn that old pattern of quick orgasm. Try teasing yourself by stimulating yourself just to the point where you feel you’re about to orgasm, then backing off and relaxing, and then beginning again. This will give you a sense of control as well as teach you to recognize your own point of no return (when you know you're about to have an orgasm, no matter what). Another thing to try is when you feel yourself getting close to orgasm, relax, breathe deeply, and cease movement. Some men also find they last longer if they have an orgasm on their own awhile before beginning partner sex. This tends to take the edge off, if you will.
Once you feel in control of your orgasm, you can also examine whether you have any feelings of discomfort with being sexual—either with yourself or with a partner. These feelings of discomfort can create extreme conflict and cause you to feel the need to get it over with quickly. If you look at sex as something to finish quickly—get it up, get it in, get it off—you’ll need to let go of that old mentality. And naturally, any relationship conflicts can also contribute. Good luck to you. Dr. J
