clitorus doesnt respond

[crazycatlady996]

i have been told that, like a penis, the clitorus is supposed to swell with blood during arousal, mine doesnt never has. when i was a kid i was kicked in the genitals more then once by my father i remember it was very painful could this have caused some kind of permenant damage and if so is there any treatment for that?  im 38 and my boyfriend is 29, he is catching on to the fact there is a problem and he thinks it is his fault i love him very much  and dont know what to do im desperate can you give me some answers please i feel broken can you help me?

[Janice M Epp, PhD]

Take a deep breath. Unless you’ve been told by your gynecologist that you’ve suffered some damage in the past, you’re fine, and your clit is fine.

You’ve misinterpreted some information. The clit engorges with blood during sexual arousal, but it’s not so dramatic that it's noticeable. The only thing that’s obvious is that once you’re very aroused, the glans (the part of the clit that’s visible) pulls up under the hood, which means that any stimulation that was effective initially is no longer enough. In order to orgasm, women need stronger and more direct clitoral stimulation once they’re very turned on. Unfortunately, most of us aren't aware of this, so we put lots of pressure on ourselves needlessly.

The glans is the external part that you can see, and the rest of the clit consists of the shaft (which extends up from the glans under the skin and the hood (the part that covers the glans). The shape of the glans does not affect orgasmic capability. Clits are like noses, with lots of variations. As long as they haven’t undergone major damage, they all work just fine.

It sounds to me like you’re blaming yourself and feeling somehow that you’re defective. Nothing could be further from the truth.

The clitoris’ nature and structure has been misunderstood for so long that it’s not surprising that there’s so much confusion! Once you understand how your body works and what you need for orgasmic response, you can begin to experiment with what feels good for you.

Clit fact: The clit has over 8,000 nerve endings in it solely for pleasure — twice the number found in the penis.

A major difference between women and men is that generally, the clitoris needs constant direct or indirect stimulation, unlike the penis. For most women, orgasm results from a constant circular motion around the shaft and glans of the clitoris. Also important is that once a woman’s orgasm begins, if the stimulation is removed, the orgasm will end. In contrast, once men have that first orgasmic contraction, not even a neutron bomb will stop their orgasm!

While many women enjoy p-v sex, for at least 40-50% of them, it usually doesn’t result in orgasm. Why? Because most p-v sex doesn’t provide the steady pressure and reliable stimulation women need for orgasm. During p-v sex, most men use an “in-out” motion that feels great for them, instead of the circular grinding motion that will stimulate the clitoris. So how about trading off once in awhile? Him first; then you—or vice-versa?

Of course, once you put pressure on yourself to orgasm, it can become a duty rather than a pleasure. Some people become so orgasm-focused that sex becomes downright predictable, especially in long-term relationships. Also: don’t put the burden of “normality” on yourself. There’s no such thing as “normal” sex; there’s only what YOU like and what feels good for you and your partner. Everyone is different. However, if you and your partner are flexible and experimental, you’ll both have smiles on your faces as the years go by.

Some positions which can maximize clitoral stimulation are:

• Woman on top, where you can control both the angle and depth
  Woman sitting on top, where either you or your partner can stimulate your clitoris
• “Scissors”: Side-by-side facing each other, with one of his legs between yours
• Rear entry (man behind), where he can also manually stimulate your clitoris, or you can stimulate yourself.

For maximum clitoral stimulation, your partner should NOT go in and out, but rather should use a grinding motion or, if possible, just stay still, pressing firmly inside you while letting you do the moving around him.

One last important point: Lack of lubrication can irritate your delicate skin, so be sure you’re wet. There are lots of good lubes available, so check them out. You want one that has no alcohol or perfume (alcohol irritates those delicate membranes). Have fun! Dr. J

[what2do63]

I have numbness in this area but can use a vibrator and achieve orgasm.  Try that maybe you can play?  But then see if your doctor can prescribe a testosterone cream it has helped me with sensitive but it takes about a month to kick in.

[crazycatlady996]

thank you for your comment i will look into it  i also have a vibrator but my boyfriend doesn't like me to use it.  It makes him feel like less of a man i guess

[pantiesformen]

WOW.....at 58 years old, three wives and lots of loving....I thought I knew it all. Dr Epp, thank you SO MUCH for bringing to light these very important new facts:  "once you’re very aroused, the glans (the part of the clit that’s visible) pulls up under the hood, which means that any stimulation that was effective initially is no longer enough. In order to orgasm, women need stronger and more direct clitoral stimulation once they’re very turned on."........."For most women, orgasm results from a constant circular motion around the shaft and glans of the clitoris. Also important is that once a woman’s orgasm begins, if the stimulation is removed, the orgasm will end."............."For maximum clitoral stimulation, your partner should NOT go in and out, but rather should use a grinding motion or, if possible, just stay still, pressing firmly inside you while letting you do the moving around him."

                 It's never to late to teach an old dog new tricks!!!!

[Janice M Epp, PhD]

You don't look so old to me!

I'm happy to give you some helpful information. Unfortunately, most of us have been taught the model that p-v sex is the end-all, be-all for everyone. And, for some, it is. But so many women feel guilty and wrong because they're not getting enough stimulation; yet most movies, books, etc. romanticize p-v so much that the myth gets perpetuated. Enjoy your new tricks :) Dr. J

[biketrap]

I understand your problem.  When I was a child I had a gymnastics accident on the balance beam that was sooooo painful I have never forgotten it.  My groin area was so sensitive for days and trying to urinate was one of the most painful experiences I have ever had. I have always been able to get sexually excited by men but not by clitoral stimulation.  Mostly by feeling attracted to someone.  I enjoy sex but have never had an orgasm.  After a while of being with the same man I tend to lose interest in sex.  The newness and excitement is gone.  I have tried everything to stimulate my clit but it has NO feeling. I have been on every website to try and find info to no avail.  All the doctors say "try doing it this way or that way"....I wish that were the case with me but it is NUMB:(
I have discussedmy problem with a couple of gynocologists who were obviously uncomfortable with my problem and said they would run testosterone tests and then dropped the issue.  I am seeking a new gynocologist at this time but can not find someone in my area who seems to address this issue.
Maybe Dr Epp can offer advice on the question of nerve damage to the clitoris and can it be reversed????    Good Luck what2do63!

[crazycatlady996]

glad to know im not the only one.  I'm not crazy doesnt seem like anyone has any real answers though if you find any please let me know and i will do the same