This forum is for questions and support regarding relationship issues such as: Abstinence, Arousal Problems, Birth Control, Cohabitation, Commitment, Communication, Couples Counseling, Desire /Lack of Desire, Sexual Technique.
I have a long story - i left my country & now i`m living in netherlands - its all started after i got with plane to netherlands.In a plane i was verry sceard(i don`t know why,cause i had flight already before)The worst thing is,i was addicted to masturbation,even when i had a girl friend,i masturbated.I wanted to stop,becose i am not young boy anymore.So,when i came to NL,i masturbated like( 2 tiems a week) 3 times & after second time i got pain in my stomach after some half hour,then after 2 weeks i got bigger pain.Then went to docter,only after 4 month i got scaned my stomach & they found - Constipation(wanna add,i had anal games also,time to time).Constipation can become from stress aswell.Now i`m drinking magnesium hydroxide & it kinda makes me feel better,cause all faces is clearing off. What i am worried about is - i wanted to stop morning wankings,cuz every morning i wanked,now i stoped cause of health issue & i stoped it forever.I was fighting with masturbation,i masturbated,but when i almost ***,i stoped it... I have done it too many times & i have read,it may cause some health issues... I still got pain in stomach & when i am nervous,i got pain inside of me.Worst thing is,i cannot expland to docters,cause they don`t speek good english... I just wanna understand is it emotional problem & of that masturbation,what cause it can be,if i wanked that way like 5 last years(perm almost came out & then i stoped it)? after i braked up with my girlfriend...
You are very confused about masturbation (self-pleasuring). There's so much misinformation out there, so let me set the record straight.
Self-pleasuring doesn’t affect your body in any negative way. What it CAN do, like any strenuous exercise, is either energize you or make you feel tired. Exercise affects everyone different, so it’s possible that after an orgasm, you feel tired, the same way as after a brisk work-out. And you know that later, you’ll regain your energy. The difference here is that no one has told you that working out is going to affect you permanently, so you haven’t begun to worry and stress about exercise the way you’re worrying and stressing about self-pleasuring.
One reason these myths about semen and strength still prevail is that after orgasm, there is a period in which men cannot have another orgasm--the "Refractory Period." Think of it as a time when your body is resting in order to build up its ability to orgasm again, if you will. It's just a rest period, and nothing to worry about. This period varies from man to man, depending on age, physical health and other factors. It’s a biological process, and has nothing to do with how often you self-pleasure, etc.
Let’s talk about what we DO know about self-pleasuring.
It’s the surest way to orgasm and the most effective way to learn about our sexual response cycle, as well as the surest way men to learn orgasmic control. If you feel you come too quickly, the surest way to slow down is to teach yourself a new pattern via self-pleasuring.
Another advantage is self-knowledge: How can you show a partner what you like if you don’t know yourself?
And the #1 reason for self-pleasuring: it’s fun!
Self-pleasuring is a part of who you are sexually—for your whole life, not just when you don’t have a partner. People self-pleasure from birth to death, when they’re alone and when they’re partnered. It’s just one of many options we have as sexual beings. It’s not better or worse than partner sex, just different—like steak is different than chicken.
Remember that all our scientific data show that the people who take responsibility for their OWN pleasure have the best sex lives and rate themselves as happiest about their sexuality. So please stop torturing yourself, accept your sexuality as a gift and start enjoying life.
Your body is working fine—it’s your heart/brain that’s getting in the way. For more information about self-pleasuring, attitude, etc., I highly recommend the book “The New Male Sexuality” by Bernie Zilbergeld, Ph.D. It’s widely available online, both used and in paperback and is an invaluable resource. Best of luck to you. Dr. J
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