This forum is for questions and support regarding relationship issues such as: Abstinence, Arousal Problems, Birth Control, Cohabitation, Commitment, Communication, Couples Counseling, Desire /Lack of Desire, Sexual Technique.
Almost everyone feels insecure about masturbation—or self-pleasuring. One of the reasons we’re so uncomfortable with it is because we don’t receive any accurate information, but rather grow up hearing lots of myths which are not supported by factual data. We all want to know that what WE do is OK. From your note, it looks like you feel that it’s somehow harmful or wrong. It sounds like you’re worried that self-pleasuring is some kind of “condition” or illness. Not true
Self-pleasuring doesn’t affect your body in any negative way. What it CAN do, like any strenuous exercise, is either energize you or make you feel tired. Exercise affects everyone different, so it’s possible that after an orgasm, you feel tired, the same way as after a brisk work-out. And you know that later, you’ll regain your energy. The difference here is that no one has told you that working out is going to affect you permanently, so you haven’t begun to worry and stress about exercise the way you’re worrying and stressing about self-pleasuring.
Let’s talk about what we DO know about self-pleasuring.
It’s the surest way to orgasm and the most effective way to learn about our sexual response cycle, as well as the surest way men to learn orgasmic control. If you feel you come too quickly, the surest way to slow down is to teach yourself a new pattern via self-pleasuring.
Another advantage is self-knowledge: How can you show a partner what you like if you don’t know yourself?
And the #1 reason for self-pleasuring: it’s fun!
Self-pleasuring is a part of who you are sexually—for your whole life, not just when you don’t have a partner. People self-pleasure from birth to death, when they’re alone and when they’re partnered. It’s just one of many options we have as sexual beings. It’s not better or worse than partner sex, just different—like steak is different than chicken.
Remember that all our scientific data show that the people who take responsibility for their OWN pleasure have the best sex lives and rate themselves as happiest about their sexuality. So please stop torturing yourself, accept your sexuality as a gift and start enjoying life. Dr. J
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