erectile problem and im 22

[[e-mail]]

i have had this problem for the longest time...i cant seem to go longer than 5 min for intercourse its been going on for about a year i have been with my g/f soon (hopefully) fiancee for a year and a half my doctor said it was mental i dont think so and i am very worried i want to be all that i can be for my soon to be wife...is there something i can take to help me out....please please help me i am very upset about it.....

[Pepper Schwartz, Ph.D.]

You can learn how to control this but it may take some time and some theraputic help from a qualified professional. First of all you need to get a doctor who will give you a full body work up just to make sure you are in good health. Then, if there is no physical problem ( which there probably is not) you can learn from a sex therapist ( or a good book on male sexuality- one by Bernie Zilbergeld is one I like) techniques for delaying ejaculation. One way that has been around a long time is called the squeeze technique. You get excited, close to ejaculation, and then you ( or your girlfriend) put you thumb and forefinger right under the head of the penis, exerting the most pressure with your thumb right under the head where the two sides of the head come together. This is a sensitive spot and pressure wil cause a slight detumescense ( loss of part of the hardness of the erection)_ that will cause a lessening of erotic tension and allow you stave off orgasm for a short while. Then when you get close again, the same pressure is applied. After doing this awhile in the same sexual encounter, your brain starts to get the plan, and will lessen excitation automatically.  This is just a sketch of what you might do- read a book or see a therapist to get better instructions- but it is not diffult to accomplish and can be a quick fix for your problem. Pay no attention to the ads for creams that desensitize the penis  or other contraptions- all of the ones that I know of are ineffective or down right fraudulent.

   You can definitely slow down your ejaculation. One other quick thing to try is to have an orgasm as soon as you make love ( by hand , or intercourse-whatever way suits you) and then wait for the refractory period ( the time in which you have to rest up to make love again). Don't wait too long to gear up- instead , get aroused again as soon as you can. This time ejaculation will not happen as readily- and over time you go through this same exercise you will feel less needy and sexually impulsive and more able to wait for an orgasm.

   You may be very nervous or have anxiety over ejaculating too quickly. Sometimes it does help to talk these feelings over with a therapist. I reccommend it. You can manually learn how to thrust more before ejaculation, but it can also help to learn why you are worried and how you can relax and just enjoy
sensuality and your partner. The bottom line is to trust that things will bet better. Hard as this is on you right now -and hard as it may be for your partner- trust that a new day is in sight.  The best news is that even though it may take a little while, you can be helped .