erection problem

[confused000]

My boyfriend who is 27 can't keep an erection to have sex with me. I can get him there with masturbation, but then when it comes to having him inside me, it goes away. I only see him every 5 or 6 weeks.  If he is masturbating too much, can that cause him to lose an erection during intercourse, because he's so used to the whole masturbation feeling of his own hand?  It's starting to make me feel bad...like it's me.  He says he masturbates around 3 times a week.....could it be that if he held off on that for a couple weeks prior to seeing each other, could that help our intercourse situation?  One of my friends said that her husband got so used to that feeling and ejaculating from his own hand, that her body didn't feel the same inside...and once he quit the masturbation so often, their situation improved.  Help!  

[Pepper Schwartz, Ph.D.]

men can become so accustomed to masturbating that it is the way they need to ejaculate or have an orgasm. But it really shouldn't affect erection. Erections are a combination of arousal and physical ability to get enough blood into the area to make the penis rigid. If he is having erection problems I don't think it is due to masturbation. It could by a physical problem- and if he has problems sustaining a good erection when he is masturbating he should see a urologist. It is more likely , however, that some fear or anxiety, or yes, relationship issue, is interferring with his ability to get hard.

  How honest do you think he is about what is happening? It could be anything- from worrying about performance to guilt for being with someone else- or issues about the relationship that he is not expressing to - well, the sky is the limit. You have to talk tohim about what is really going on in his life, his emotions, his world when you aren't in it. Erection difficulty in a young man is not rare- but there is no need to have it happen all the time. It is fixable- if he levels with you about what he thinks is really going on.
  

[Mac711]

Sometimes men need a little more touching and holding before intercourse just like women do.  In this case it seems like your BF is having stress due to performance issues.  That means he may be uptight about how he can be with you so his erection goes away.  Try more direct contact with him and stay with it.  Some men loose erections quick if there is a break in touching.  For example trying to put on a condom or a woman who expects the man to do all the physical touching aspects of sex.  Maybe try different sexual foreplay for longer periods of time.  People think sex is a rush thing, foreplay can be for an hour if you like and then the intercourse, but the main thing you need to do with him is keep it physical.  (Orally or with your hands and oil perhaps)

[chuck111]

I'm a much older guy than your BF and some of the things you suggest apply to older guys but I wouldn't think it would to a 27 year old.  If he is indeed masturbating only three times a week, I think the problem is psychological, not physical.  However, for starters since you see each other so infrequently, I think it would be helpful if he wouldn't masturbate for the 3 or 4 days before you two are together.  If his masturbation is the problem, then a few days abstenance is enough to prove the point.  He doesn't need to stop for a couple weeks

[Mojiu2]

A related discussion, Erection Dysfunction was started.