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Sexuality & Relationships (Expert Forum)
i jus dunno wat to do anymore........
Answered by
Janice M Epp, PhD - Female sexual issues, Adolescent sexuality, Male sexual issues
Private Practice
Palo Alto - CA
This forum is for questions and support regarding relationship issues such as: Abstinence, Arousal Problems, Birth Control, Cohabitation, Commitment, Communication, Couples Counseling, Desire /Lack of Desire, Sexual Technique.
i jus dunno wat to do anymore........
by keyss, Sep 15, 2009 02:13PM
i los my virginity to my THIS bf"..the story starts like this.....i am a 21 year old gal..i do have many ex bf before when i was in my secondary school,but, my feelings towards them is just a "LIKE",and treated them as friends and..dats my past..but i never let them touch me very long....i never let them have a chance to kiss me..my mind on that time is..i just wan to focus in my studies. Till one day,before i enter university, i told myself, i must take everything serious..my life,my studies,and even the partner that i wan to share my life with.....after that i met THIS guy..i had admire him for a very long time before..and so..i choose to be serious wit him(i reli love him,he is the onli guy that i ever open up my heart just for him,i onli give my EVERYTHING to him) we hav been together for 1 year plus alrdy..the 1st time we do x together,he found ders no blood..he tot i hv x wit other guy b4.....honestly,i reli nvr do sex b4..i told him...i dont know he believe or not..but on the next day..he told me "4get about it"..i was so shock and sad....dis is not the first time we quarrel...everytime we quarrel ,ders always no solution, i wan to talk to him ,but he always said forget about it..After 1 year, one day,wen we do x..he straight away put 3 finger into my vagina hole.. After dat,he no mood.. i asked why,he sed he curious bout something..he sed..when he see the porn, the guy just put in 1 finger, but why mine can put 3 finger..he sed mine loose alredy and sed my hole is big..i feel so sad..wat should i do? why must he say me like dis? i m a pharmacy student....i told him..mine are elastic..dats why can put 3 finger or any u like..but he seems like dont want to believe me..wat shud i do? i love him..but why he dont believe me?how i wan to explain to him? i reali nvr do sex b4....all dis while with him..i so stress..pls give me a scientific explaination..what happen to me?why th 1st time we do x..im not bleeding? why for my bf, my vaagina hole is big?
Doctor's Answer
by Janice M Epp, PhD, Sep 26, 2009 02:50PM
, Sep 26, 2009 02:50PMTo: keyss
Hello.
I've read your post several times, and I really can't understand what it is you're asking, so I'm going to have to guess.
1. You're in a relationship with someone that isn't based on trust or honesty, and things are now falling apart. There are no solutions to this, except open and honest communication. You can't make this man believe you if he doesn't want to. It sounds to me like he's a lost cause--or at the very least, he's trying to find a reason to disengage from you.
2. Your boyfriend thinks you're having sex with others, due to the fact that your vaginal opening is able to accommodate three fingers. Again, he's trying to disengage from you--and he's misinformed about anatomy. As you say, your vagina is elastic--it's able to accommodate a baby's body passing through it, so three fingers? No big deal.
3. Because you didn't have any visible blood the first time you and your boyfriend had penis-vagina sex, he now believes you did this with someone before him and lied. Again, he's woefully mistaken. Most modern women no longer bleed during first penetration because they're much more active, with sports, bicycle riding, etc. All these break down the hymen tissue gradually, so many women no longer have bleeding, etc. Not to repeat myself, but it sound like he's looking for an excuse to pull away from you.
Time to ask yourself what's going on in this relationship. Is this the person you want to be with? Someone who makes you feel bad about yourself, who is ignorant and doesn't trust you? These are important questions to ask. Best of luck to you. Dr. J
I've read your post several times, and I really can't understand what it is you're asking, so I'm going to have to guess.
1. You're in a relationship with someone that isn't based on trust or honesty, and things are now falling apart. There are no solutions to this, except open and honest communication. You can't make this man believe you if he doesn't want to. It sounds to me like he's a lost cause--or at the very least, he's trying to find a reason to disengage from you.
2. Your boyfriend thinks you're having sex with others, due to the fact that your vaginal opening is able to accommodate three fingers. Again, he's trying to disengage from you--and he's misinformed about anatomy. As you say, your vagina is elastic--it's able to accommodate a baby's body passing through it, so three fingers? No big deal.
3. Because you didn't have any visible blood the first time you and your boyfriend had penis-vagina sex, he now believes you did this with someone before him and lied. Again, he's woefully mistaken. Most modern women no longer bleed during first penetration because they're much more active, with sports, bicycle riding, etc. All these break down the hymen tissue gradually, so many women no longer have bleeding, etc. Not to repeat myself, but it sound like he's looking for an excuse to pull away from you.
Time to ask yourself what's going on in this relationship. Is this the person you want to be with? Someone who makes you feel bad about yourself, who is ignorant and doesn't trust you? These are important questions to ask. Best of luck to you. Dr. J
Member Comments (2)
by gagootza, Oct 05, 2009 06:52PM
To: keyss
sounds like to me he wants complete control of you and the sex.either his way or no way.let him go he's not right for you all he cares about is the sex and the sex he thinks you had in the past.you say you never had sex before and he don't believe you.well theres nothing you can do to change his belief.your always going to be accused of having sex with someone else .let him go you can do better and you don't deserve that kind of abuse.good luck and i hope i was of some help to your
