This forum is for questions and support regarding relationship issues such as: Abstinence, Arousal Problems, Birth Control, Cohabitation, Commitment, Communication, Couples Counseling, Desire /Lack of Desire, Sexual Technique.
i want to have sex,all the time.husband can have sex but once a wk.been married to long for you to suggest to go and get it else where..when i was younger i did not like it now that i am older i want it every night.i drain all day long please
advice as what to do .hanks
I’m not sure I understand your question. Are you asking whether you can increase your husband’s desire?
First of all, there’s no such thing as “normal” when it comes to sex. Whatever is normal for you, is “normal.” You are your unique self, and whatever you enjoy is part of you. If you like steak and your husband likes chicken, you wouldn’t think either of you is “abnormal,” would you? In any relationship, there are bound to be different preferences, likes, dislikes, etc. The trick is to be able to appreciate those differences (very often they’re the reason we became attracted in the first place) and integrate them successfully in your relationship.
So perhaps your husband enjoys sex less often than you do. First step is to ask yourself what you’re using sex for. Is your desire truly for sex itself, or is it for the cozy, intimate feeling you get after sex? Some women only feel loved and cared for after sex because some men are only able to express their love during sex. If you don’t feel intimate and loved in your non-sexual time together, this can put pressure on sex to make up for that deficit.
Next step is to talk with your husband regarding how can you make this work for both of you? I suggest talking—rather than arguing—as your first step. The most helpful attitude is “what can we do TOGETHER to make this work for both of us?” Remember to share only your feelings; don’t attack him or accuse him. This process involves problem-solving as a team. You might ask him to share if there’s anything he might like you to do that would increase his desire. Certain clothing, activities, or…? If you put your heads together, you might be able to work out a creative solution. For instance, there are lots of ways to be sexual and intimate without penis-vagina sex. If your husband’s sexual energy is low when you want sex, how about asking him to hold you and stroke you while you self-pleasure? My guess is once you two get used to it, he’ll find it fun as well. If this isn’t an option you care to pursue, are there other things the two of you can do that will satisfy your desire more often? Think of this as a fun way to get to know each other better, and it won’t seem so daunting. Best of luck to you. Dr. J
Comming from someone who is in the same boat I want it all the time and my husband about once every week and a half. Ive tried the talking it out and that does not work at all. I've tried approching the subject every way possible it always leads to an argument. So talking out your feelings does not always work and I'm sorry masturbation can get borring when forced to do it if you anything at all. So what are people like me supposed to do in that situation?
My thought on this is be patient. Sometimes men find being chased a threat, and a major turn off. Perhaps, seeing how talking has not worked..perhaps taking the other road would fair better results.
Stop asking for sex. Watch a movie with him. Talk to him about work. Get up and clean the house or take a shower when you get frustrated, and let your man come to you. Dress sexy, but do not try to get him bed. Act as though you are good without the sex. Some men find this to be a major turn on....
Im one of those women what is good for the goose is good for the gander. No it should not always be about the man I think that is the problem with alot of marriages these days. Your basily saying my needs are not important but when he is in the mood his needs should be taken care of. I DONT THINK SO... So now my question is once the sex has ended in a marriage how long untill there is no relationship. No marriage.
I'm another woman whose sex drive is much higher than her husband's, although I think it might be more accurate to say that my drive for sex *within our marriage* is higher than his. He's perfectly happy with affairs, flirtations, internet pornography, and a stripper now and then. Nice for him, but it doesn't do much for me.
The doc's advice about talking it out and so forth is all well and good, but real life is just a whole lot more complicated than that. I've worn every sort of come hither outfit a person could dream up. I'm game for pretty much any fantasy. I love oral sex, and find pleasuring him a total turn on. The problem, when you get right down to the core of the thing, is that I'm just the wife, and a wife can only be one person. He'd never leave me--he likes the security--but it's just way more exciting to think of sex with others. Besides, I'm in my late forties now. I'm feeling sexier and more confident than ever, but I'm just not anything at all like the girls he enjoys looking at online.
I love my kids and appreciate some things about my husband, but I'm terribly unhappy about the lack of sex. Really, it's always been an issue for us. It isn't discussed much, but it seems that the woman is *often* the one who is yearning for sex. Yes, it is a key part of the relationship for me, and no I don't feel really loved or valued without it, so there's that. Also, though, I *like* sex. It's fun, and stress relieving, and just really wonderful. Sigh.
Time to for that bit about frigid wives who always get headaches to die, at last.
A lot of wives are dealing with husbands who are what I think of as "real life, real woman frigid." They respond beautifully to images on a screen, but not much at all to the real women in their lives.
omg you just described my husband to a T the only thing different is I'm only 31 and I'm not interested in dealing with this problem for the next ten years. So I'm given a certain amount of time to at least attempt to fix or I will leave that simple. By the way I am sorry you are going throught this too.
If your husband offered to share you with another female or possibly a male, would you be affended? I have been maried 19 years and my wife wants sex all the time. I on the other hand am very seldom in the mood. We love each other and have a beautiful family, however, this problem typically ends in a fight of some sort. I am courious if this could be an option.
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