im i the only one?

hi,i was just wondering if any woman on here has never experienced an orgasm whilst having intercourse with thier partner?ive been with my fella now 14 yrs and have never had an orgasm during intercourse.is this normal or am i in need of some helping?thanks and sorry to be so discreet.

[Janice M Epp, PhD]

Hi Cathy: The clitoris’ nature and structure has been misunderstood for so long that it’s not surprising that there’s so much confusion!

A major difference between women and men is that generally, the clitoris needs constant direct or indirect stimulation, unlike the penis. For most women, orgasm results from a constant circular motion around the shaft and glans (glands) (or head) of the clitoris. Also important is that once a woman’s orgasm begins, if the stimulation is removed, the orgasm will end. In contrast, once men have that first orgasmic contraction, not even a neutron bomb will stop their orgasm!

While many women enjoy p-v sex, for at least 40-50% of them, it usually doesn’t result in orgasm. Why? Because most p-v sex doesn’t provide the steady pressure and reliable stimulation women need for orgasm. During p-v sex, most men use an “in-out” motion that feels great for them, instead of the circular grinding motion that will stimulate the clitoris. So how about trading off once in awhile? Him first; then you—or vice-versa?

Of course, once you put pressure on yourself to orgasm, it can become a duty rather than a pleasure. Some people become so orgasm-focused that sex becomes downright predictable, especially in long-term relationships. However, if you and your partner are flexible and experimental, you’ll both have smiles on your faces as the years go by.

Some positions which can maximize clitoral stimulation are:

• Woman on top, where you can control both the angle and depth
  Woman sitting on top, where either you or your partner can stimulate your clitoris
• “Scissors”: Side-by-side facing each other, with one of his legs between yours
• Rear entry (man behind), where he can also manually stimulate your clitoris, or you can stimulate yourself.

For maximum clitoral stimulation, your partner should NOT go in and out, but rather should use a grinding motion or, if possible, just stay still, pressing firmly inside you while letting you do the moving around him.

One last important point: Lack of lubrication can irritate your delicate skin, so be sure you’re wet. There are lots of good lubes available, so check them out. You want one that has no alcohol or perfume (alcohol irritates those delicate membranes). Have fun! Dr. J

[jml1986]

Many women do not have orgasm with intercourse. This is not an uncommon problem. If you can reach orgasm by clitorial stimulation, then I would suggest you combine the two, as it is the most common way for a woman to reach orgasm.

[njw753]

I have never had an orgasm from intercourse alone.  It's even difficult using my hand during intercourse.  But I can when using a small vibrator at the same time.  I don't worry how I orgasm, I'll take it anyway I can!

Don't worry, you are more than normal.

[rilbrianne]

Same here, intercourse alone never did anything for me.  Clitoral stimulation is the only thing that works for me and it took me a while to figure that out.  Work at it alone if you need to and when you are comfortable, try it with your partner.  

[Milfilicious78]

R u kidding me? I googled this recently b/c I was highly frustrated with my sitch which is pretty much the same!!
THIS is interesting:

http://www.feministezine.com/feminist/modern/The-Myth-ofthe-Vaginal-Orgasm.html

I can only orgasm clitorally and I have had my fair share of partners and ONE only ONE I have been able to clitorally orgasm with but here's why:

1. I was on top and did the controlling, i.e. clitoral stimulation against his pubic bone.

2. He stayed hard for a long time.

3. I think I may have some kind of S&M thing b/c that Man used to beat meeee.

So, yeah, I'm all screwed up about it over here, too, just wanna let u know u r not alone and by God if u can get it done yourself, at least u have that!

And what rilbrianne said is sooo true!!

[rilbrianne]

lol, well... I'm young but I had heard that so many women never have one unless they are on top... and personally, I don't care to be on top every time.    I have only been with my husband and was nervous the first time I finally had one but he was thrilled.  You just have to figure out how your body works... that's why I prefer to do it myself, he doesn't know how hard or soft or how long, etc.  

Go get 'em girl!

[cherrygirl007]

you are not alone , but i thought i was till i read your post. i always felt shy about it and at this age, if i tell a guy ( when i finally find a relationshp, that is)while im horrified enough to tell him, first i dont think he'll believe me.second, im afraid he"ll think im too much work, why my head plays w/ me about this is crazy. but i have it in my mind that its unacceptable and im still struggling with it. i think its because my lil button is too high , so it doesnt get stimulated during intercourse. are we all that different down there???    cherry

[YellowCat]

If you can achieve orgasm by yourself then, you will be able to do it through intercourse.  All it takes is a very loving (patient) partner and lots of practice.  With him on top, I find if he moves really slowly and pauses while we make contact - he can take me to the moon.  Keep trying.. it's worth it!

[AMB222]

My husband used to be able to occasionally get me off through intercourse but not for the past 2 years. I was with a guy before him that would give me multiples and he had a smaller than adverage penis. My husband is above adverage size and has trouble hitting my spot.

[kathryn80]

Try having him stimulate your g-spot (2 fingers inserted into the vagina and rub top area in circular motion) while he stimulates your clit with his mouth and tung.  Intercourse right after is very enjoyable, or you can split it up... intercourse, oral then back again!  I used to use a vibrator when my ex was inside of me, but I felt a little disconnected. Of course, you have to be totally able to relax....