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Sexuality & Relationships (Expert Forum)
intercourse witout orgasm
Answered by
Janice M Epp, PhD - Female sexual issues, Adolescent sexuality, Male sexual issues
Private Practice
Palo Alto - CA
This forum is for questions and support regarding relationship issues such as: Abstinence, Arousal Problems, Birth Control, Cohabitation, Commitment, Communication, Couples Counseling, Desire /Lack of Desire, Sexual Technique.
intercourse witout orgasm
by sunflower_il, Aug 21, 2008 11:04PM
why is it that i cant have an orgasm during intercourse but only when the clit is stimulated manually?
Doctor's Answer
by Janice M Epp, PhD, Aug 22, 2008 06:34PM
, Aug 22, 2008 06:34PMTo: sunflower_il
If I only had a dollar for each time a woman asked me this question. I'd be rich enough to buy my own private island! The clitoris’ nature and structure has been misunderstood for so long that it’s not surprising that there’s so much confusion.
A major difference between women and men is that generally, the clitoris needs constant direct or indirect stimulation, unlike the penis. For most women, orgasm results from a constant circular motion around the shaft and glans (or head) of the clitoris. Also important is that once a woman’s orgasm begins, if the stimulation is removed, the orgasm will end. In contrast, once men have that first orgasmic contraction, not even a neutron bomb will stop their orgasm!
While many women enjoy p-v sex, for at least 40-50% of them, it usually doesn’t result in orgasm. Why? Because most p-v sex doesn’t provide the steady pressure and reliable stimulation women need for orgasm. During p-v sex, most men use an “in-out” motion that feels great for them, instead of the circular grinding motion that will stimulate the clitoris. So how about trading off once in awhile? Him first; then you—or vice-versa?
Let's also remember that orgasm lasts, what? About 10 seconds? It's important to keep this in perspective. Sex is about a lot more than just orgasm. It's about pleasure, and sharing, and dressing up in sexy clothes, and... Sorry. I got carried away there :)
Of course, once you put pressure on yourself to orgasm, it can become a duty rather than a pleasure. Some people become so orgasm-focused that sex becomes downright predictable, especially in long-term relationships. However, if you and your partner are flexible and experimental, you’ll both have smiles on your faces as the years go by.
If you'd like to experiment with some positions which can maximize clitoral stimulation, here are some to try:
• Woman on top, where you can control both the angle and depth
Woman sitting on top, where either you or your partner can stimulate your clitoris
• “Scissors”: Side-by-side facing each other, with one of his legs between yours
• Rear entry (man behind), where he can also manually stimulate your clitoris, or you can stimulate yourself.
For maximum clitoral stimulation, your partner should NOT go in and out, but rather should use a grinding motion or, if possible, just stay still, pressing firmly inside you while letting you do the moving around him.
One last important point: Lack of lubrication can irritate your delicate skin, so be sure you’re wet. There are lots of good lubes available, so check them out. You want one that has no alcohol or perfume (alcohol irritates those delicate membranes). Have fun! Dr. J
A major difference between women and men is that generally, the clitoris needs constant direct or indirect stimulation, unlike the penis. For most women, orgasm results from a constant circular motion around the shaft and glans (or head) of the clitoris. Also important is that once a woman’s orgasm begins, if the stimulation is removed, the orgasm will end. In contrast, once men have that first orgasmic contraction, not even a neutron bomb will stop their orgasm!
While many women enjoy p-v sex, for at least 40-50% of them, it usually doesn’t result in orgasm. Why? Because most p-v sex doesn’t provide the steady pressure and reliable stimulation women need for orgasm. During p-v sex, most men use an “in-out” motion that feels great for them, instead of the circular grinding motion that will stimulate the clitoris. So how about trading off once in awhile? Him first; then you—or vice-versa?
Let's also remember that orgasm lasts, what? About 10 seconds? It's important to keep this in perspective. Sex is about a lot more than just orgasm. It's about pleasure, and sharing, and dressing up in sexy clothes, and... Sorry. I got carried away there :)
Of course, once you put pressure on yourself to orgasm, it can become a duty rather than a pleasure. Some people become so orgasm-focused that sex becomes downright predictable, especially in long-term relationships. However, if you and your partner are flexible and experimental, you’ll both have smiles on your faces as the years go by.
If you'd like to experiment with some positions which can maximize clitoral stimulation, here are some to try:
• Woman on top, where you can control both the angle and depth
Woman sitting on top, where either you or your partner can stimulate your clitoris
• “Scissors”: Side-by-side facing each other, with one of his legs between yours
• Rear entry (man behind), where he can also manually stimulate your clitoris, or you can stimulate yourself.
For maximum clitoral stimulation, your partner should NOT go in and out, but rather should use a grinding motion or, if possible, just stay still, pressing firmly inside you while letting you do the moving around him.
One last important point: Lack of lubrication can irritate your delicate skin, so be sure you’re wet. There are lots of good lubes available, so check them out. You want one that has no alcohol or perfume (alcohol irritates those delicate membranes). Have fun! Dr. J
Member Comments (3)
by rankett, Aug 22, 2008 02:32AM
To: sunflower_il
Because that's how most women "work". The majority need clitoris stimulation in order to have an orgasm. Fewer are those who can orgasm with penetration alone.
by greatsexguide, Aug 23, 2008 03:26AM
I understand that about 80% of women need to have their clitoris stimulated in order to reach orgasm. You also don't have to leave that clitoral stimulation up to the penis. You can use fingers, toys, and the tongue. Just use your imagination!
