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low labido
I am a 42 year old male. I have been married for 18 yrs and have 4 childern. I have a low to non existant labido.
My doctor says that I'm in excellent health,blood pressure,colesterol,etc. I have never used recreational drugs and
have never been a heavy drinker. 20 years ago I was on a antidepressant called inipramine and I feel that this damaged me in someway. Before taking this med I had a very strong labido but after taking it for a while it completly
died and I don't feel like any measure of it has ever returned even though I haven't taken it in 16 years. I have been able to perform sexually in the past but now that is being affected by this as time goes on its only getting worse.
This problem is ruining my marrage because I'm no longer able to satisfy my wife who has a very healthy labido.
My MD did a blood test and said my testoserone level is normal but I can't believe this because nothing about what I'm going through is normal. What can I do?
My doctor says that I'm in excellent health,blood pressure,colesterol,etc. I have never used recreational drugs and
have never been a heavy drinker. 20 years ago I was on a antidepressant called inipramine and I feel that this damaged me in someway. Before taking this med I had a very strong labido but after taking it for a while it completly
died and I don't feel like any measure of it has ever returned even though I haven't taken it in 16 years. I have been able to perform sexually in the past but now that is being affected by this as time goes on its only getting worse.
This problem is ruining my marrage because I'm no longer able to satisfy my wife who has a very healthy labido.
My MD did a blood test and said my testoserone level is normal but I can't believe this because nothing about what I'm going through is normal. What can I do?
MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
Hi.
An anti-depressant that you took 20 years ago is unlikely to have any affect on you now. What IS affecting you, however, is your belief that this drug harmed you. It’s now become a self-fulfilling prophesy.
Since you were depressed in the past, are you aware of any depression currently? This could certainly have an effect on your sexual desire or interest.
But I also think that you own performance expectations is contributing to the problem. Our society does a terrible disservice to men by raising them to think that their penis has to be 10 inches long, hard as a rock and last all night. It’s no wonder that many men feel insecure about their sexuality. Great sex involves your whole body; in fact, having great, mutually satisfying sex is usually quite the opposite of what you see in those performance-oriented sex videos.
The more you think of sex as being about performance, the more worries you'll have. If you're stressed, you'll probably worry even more. And this can be a vicious circle. For most of us, sex is about fun and pleasure. If you think of it as performance, or a “job,” you’ll set yourself for a stressful experience. Remember: Performance can be the enemy of pleasure and fun.
Finally: Many men expect to have the penis and the sexual desire and capacity of a 16-year-old for their entire lives. Teenage sex is touted as the ideal. What a set-up for disappointment! The sensuous experiences you’ll have as a 42-year-old will be no less enjoyable. Your body will change, and if you pay attention to its messages, honor it and take care of it, it will serve you well throughout your life.
If you’re interested in sex, but feel no desire to actually be sexual with your wife—then perhaps you’re no longer aroused by what the two of you are doing. Sometimes we go through periods where our desires may take a break. Another possibility is relationship conflicts, anger and resentment have taken a toll on your desire. And, of course, many other factors can influence desire. There may be events in other areas of your life that are affecting you. Is you content with yourself, with your life together, with your relationship? Are there any family or work crises? All of these can have an effect.
Remember that the more anxious and unsure of yourself you feel, the more your desire will be affected.
It’s also important to remember that if you’re having erections at other times besides with a partner (morning erections, being sexual with yourself, etc.), chances are there aren’t any physical causes. This is a good indicator that your body is working fine, but your brain is getting in the way.
I’m wondering what the TWO of you think is contributing to this and whether you’ve taken any actions to try to change it. You’ve probably got more insight than you realize. If you haven’t discussed this together, it’s time to open up a dialogue and try some new things, including those that aren't dependent on your penis. Good luck to you both. Dr. J
An anti-depressant that you took 20 years ago is unlikely to have any affect on you now. What IS affecting you, however, is your belief that this drug harmed you. It’s now become a self-fulfilling prophesy.
Since you were depressed in the past, are you aware of any depression currently? This could certainly have an effect on your sexual desire or interest.
But I also think that you own performance expectations is contributing to the problem. Our society does a terrible disservice to men by raising them to think that their penis has to be 10 inches long, hard as a rock and last all night. It’s no wonder that many men feel insecure about their sexuality. Great sex involves your whole body; in fact, having great, mutually satisfying sex is usually quite the opposite of what you see in those performance-oriented sex videos.
The more you think of sex as being about performance, the more worries you'll have. If you're stressed, you'll probably worry even more. And this can be a vicious circle. For most of us, sex is about fun and pleasure. If you think of it as performance, or a “job,” you’ll set yourself for a stressful experience. Remember: Performance can be the enemy of pleasure and fun.
Finally: Many men expect to have the penis and the sexual desire and capacity of a 16-year-old for their entire lives. Teenage sex is touted as the ideal. What a set-up for disappointment! The sensuous experiences you’ll have as a 42-year-old will be no less enjoyable. Your body will change, and if you pay attention to its messages, honor it and take care of it, it will serve you well throughout your life.
If you’re interested in sex, but feel no desire to actually be sexual with your wife—then perhaps you’re no longer aroused by what the two of you are doing. Sometimes we go through periods where our desires may take a break. Another possibility is relationship conflicts, anger and resentment have taken a toll on your desire. And, of course, many other factors can influence desire. There may be events in other areas of your life that are affecting you. Is you content with yourself, with your life together, with your relationship? Are there any family or work crises? All of these can have an effect.
Remember that the more anxious and unsure of yourself you feel, the more your desire will be affected.
It’s also important to remember that if you’re having erections at other times besides with a partner (morning erections, being sexual with yourself, etc.), chances are there aren’t any physical causes. This is a good indicator that your body is working fine, but your brain is getting in the way.
I’m wondering what the TWO of you think is contributing to this and whether you’ve taken any actions to try to change it. You’ve probably got more insight than you realize. If you haven’t discussed this together, it’s time to open up a dialogue and try some new things, including those that aren't dependent on your penis. Good luck to you both. Dr. J
No matter what the testosterone test says (well, unless it is consistently bad), a very important point has already been mentioned before in this discussion: if you are in good health and have times at which you are sexual with youself (phantasies, morning erections etc.) then most probably the problem is of mental/psychological origin, often connected to family and professional routine life. In this case only the affected individual can know what may be wrong.
I suggest having your testosterone levels checked again. They can fluctuate and you may get a low result this time. If it comes back normal, you can try to see a male fertility specialist. They have highly specialized training and even though it may not be a fertility problem, it's possible to get to the bottom of your decreased libido if there's a medical cause.
As far as satisfying your wife, penetration with your penis is not the only way to satisfy her. You can always engage is oral sex or use sex toys or your fingers and hands.
As far as satisfying your wife, penetration with your penis is not the only way to satisfy her. You can always engage is oral sex or use sex toys or your fingers and hands.
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