masterbation position

[343838]

This is based on the assumption that most women who master masterbate with their fingers do so by rubbing their clitoris directly.  I on the otherhand, have only once been able to orgasm using this technique.  When I masterbate I usually rock on my hands creating pressure to my clitoris, but never direct.  I believe this is the reason that I have had an incredibley difficult orgasming with a partner.  First am I one of the very few woman on this planet that does this? And is there something that I can do differently or special positions that I can do to create this same type of pressure when having sex with my partner, so I can enjoy and orgasm with him??

[Janice M Epp, PhD]

I'm confused because your profile states you are a man; however, you're presenting yourself as a woman. I'm going to assume you made an error and are, in fact, a woman asking this question.

Many women prefer indirect clitoral stimulation because the clitoral structure is packed with so many nerve endings that touching the glans directly can actually be painful.

There is no right way for self-pleasuring, only what makes you feel good. Remember that where sexuality is concerned, everyone is different, so don't try to fit yourself into some fictional box.

And stop putting pressure on yourself to orgasm with a partner. Here's some information for you.

The clitoris’ nature and structure has been misunderstood for so long that it’s not surprising that there’s so much confusion!

A major difference between women and men is that generally, the clitoris needs constant direct or indirect stimulation, unlike the penis. For most women, orgasm results from a constant circular motion around the shaft and glans (or head) of the clitoris. Also important is that once a woman’s orgasm begins, if the stimulation is removed, the orgasm will end. In contrast, once men have that first orgasmic contraction, not even a neutron bomb will stop their orgasm!

While many women enjoy p-v sex, for at least 40-50% of them, it usually doesn’t result in orgasm. Why? Because most p-v sex doesn’t provide the steady pressure and reliable stimulation women need for orgasm. During p-v sex, most men use an “in-out” motion that feels great for them, instead of the circular grinding motion that will stimulate the clitoris. So how about trading off once in awhile? Him first; then you—or vice-versa?

Of course, once you put pressure on yourself to orgasm, it can become a duty rather than a pleasure. Some people become so orgasm-focused that sex becomes downright predictable, especially in long-term relationships. However, if you and your partner are flexible and experimental, you’ll both have smiles on your faces as the years go by.

Some positions which can maximize clitoral stimulation are:

• Woman on top, where you can control both the angle and depth
  Woman sitting on top, where either you or your partner can stimulate your clitoris
• “Scissors”: Side-by-side facing each other, with one of his legs between yours
• Rear entry (man behind), where he can also manually stimulate your clitoris, or you can stimulate yourself.

For maximum clitoral stimulation, your partner should NOT go in and out, but rather should use a grinding motion or, if possible, just stay still, pressing firmly inside you while letting you do the moving around him.

One last important point: Lack of lubrication can irritate your delicate skin, so be sure you’re wet. There are lots of good lubes available, so check them out. You want one that has no alcohol or perfume (alcohol irritates those delicate membranes). Have fun! Dr. J

[Fuzzz]

There is nothing unusual about requiring indirect clitoral stimulation for orgasm.  In fact, most women achieve it by lying on their abdomen and squeezing their tush, so I just heard.  That's how I first learned.  Pressure on the mons pubis is easy to achieve that way.  But you can also try lying on your back and pushing down on the skin over the mons pubis and then stimulating the clitoral area.  The sensitive parts are protected that way and you get a similar pressure as lying on your abdomen.  It can be much trickier with intercourse.  It's best to just try different positions without putting too much pressure on yourself to have orgasm during this experimentation.  Some of the positions are going to give better results.  Try you on top, pressing yourself up with your hands while he presses on your chest, forcing you into a very arched back.  He presses down with his hands on your chest and you do the up motion by pushing off his flexed feet with your feet.  Or Missionary, except after insertion, move your legs together and cross your feet at the ankles.  I really need to start writing the great ones down.  My partner has new ones every time.   (The crossed-ankle one he got me to by kicking my foot over right in the middle of things.  When I mentioned it the next time, he didn't remember any such position or kick move, lol).