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595212 tn?1222563183

never had one

i feel embarresed just doing this post and hope my partner never reads it. the truth is iv never had a orgasm.  i wonder if im fridget as iv often heard people say. but dont really know what it means. i cant blame my current partner b\c i was the same way with my husband. and any other relationships i have been in. i never had a high sex drive it wouldnt bother me if i didnt have sex for weeks or maybe months. you prob wonder what my partner says about this. well he dosent know b\c i fake it. i dont want him thinking hes a **** lover. do you know whats wrong with me.i was often tempted to take one of them viagra to see would they make a difference seeing as though they help men
5 Responses
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615736 tn?1221123296
Hi, You would be suprised how common this is, the only difference is you are working thru it and will sort it out because your looking for answers.
We run seminars in Australia helping couples and women learn how to have better more fulfilling orgasms and sex. The reason women have more trouble in general having orgasms I believe is from years ago women were taught not to touch yourself down there and not to talk about sex, it dates back from the victorian era. The other thing too is women have most of their bits all tuckd away neatly out of sight, where as a guy ha sit hanging out there from day one, so they play with it.
The first thing we try and get across to women is its ok to play and explore your own body, learn what you yourself actually like. Learn what feels nice to you, what you enjoy firstly. Another thing too is make the time to be alone, make the time to play, try and get a few hours. Maybe read an erotic story or novel so you can begin to get your mind engaged. Run a bath and lay and relax, put on some music you like, set the scene.
Once you know exactly what you yourself enjoy your well on your way to orgasmic bliss. The majority of women will not orgasm from penetration alone, most need some form of clitoral attention. Either by grinding against your partner so your clitty rubs his pubic bone, or say doggy lean forward and put your hand beneath yourself  and rub your clitty as he's penetrating you.
Another point too is many men don't know this, alot think sliding himself in and out of your vagina sends girls to that special place alone....NO. Yes most women enjoy it, but penetration alone won't get you moaning in orgasmic bliss. A little attention in other areas as he's doing then thats another story.
I hope that helps. Thats my opinion anyway.  
Helpful - 1
523042 tn?1212177895
MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
I’m assuming when you use the term “sex drive” that you’re referring to your interest in sex and/or your desire for sex.

Many women feel that if they’re not interested in sex, there’s something wrong with them. Indeed, in some, it may be an indication of low testosterone, but most of the women I’ve spoken with lose their sexual interest or desire for a variety of reasons.

You asked about the term “frigid.” There’s actually no scientific meaning of that word. It’s from the past when female sexuality wasn’t understood, and when women were expected to orgasm in the “right” way (as if there’s such a thing), and if they didn’t, then that label was applied to them.

Please know that many women have shared your concern, and there’s nothing wrong with you. Let’s look at some possible reasons you’re uninterested in sex:

What kinds of messages did you get about sex when growing up? Was it deemed appropriate for girls/women? In many cultures, we get the message that we’re supposed to be sexy/sexual for our partners, but WE’RE not supposed to enjoy it. Sometimes those messages are buried very deep. You might also examine what else has been happening in your life that may have affected you. Are you content with yourself, with your life, with your relationships? Are there any family or work crises? And how do you feel about aging? This is often an issue for women because our culture defines attractiveness by how youthful we look. Do you feel less attractive? And how does your partner respond to you? Is he still turned on to you?

There’s also the possibility that you haven’t come across anything that turns you on at this point in your life. That’s understandable too. We often go through periods where our desires may take a break. Or maybe your tastes are changing. This might be a good time to investigate some new things that might turn you on. Try looking at some erotica for fantasy material and see if anything appeals to you.

Besides conflicting messages about sex, the Number 1 reason why women get turned off is due to ignorance about how our bodies respond sexually.

In women, the clitoris must be stimulated—either directly or indirectly—in order for orgasm to happen. The clitoris is our primary sex organ--not the vagina--and consists of the glans (or head), the hood which covers the glans, and the shaft. For most women, orgasm results from a constant circular motion around the shaft and glans. Also important is that once a woman’s orgasm begins, if the stimulation is removed, the orgasm will end. Orgasm is characterized by a series of pleasurable, involuntary contractions in and around the vulva (clitoris, vagina and inner/outer lips). Most women have between 5 and 8 contractions per orgasm.

It takes time and practice to learn about your own orgasms before you share them with a partner. The best way to find out what you like is to experiment when you’re alone. Check out the area around your clitoris first. Be sure to use some lubrication and gently touch around the top and sides to find out what feels good. You may need to do this many times before you get comfortable and used to the intensity. Find the sensitive spots that feel good. The best part of this learning experience is that it’s fun!
Once you understand your own body’s responses, then you can begin to share them with a partner—even more fun! Be patient. It takes time to learn and to build up trust, but if you do this now, you’ll be setting yourself up for yummy sex for the rest of your life. I highly recommend the book, "For Yourself: The Fulfillment of Female Sexuality," by Lonnie Barbach. It's widely available in paperback, and is a step-by-step program for learning about your own sexual response. In addition, it contains lots of sharing by women about their own personal journeys of sexual self-discovery. I think it will help you immensely.

“Just Say Yes”: This is something that helps many of my own students and clients: Develop a mantra and repeat it to yourself each day when you wake up: “I am a sexual woman, and it’s a good thing!” You may need to say this to yourself every day for months, but, eventually, you’ll wake up one day and find that you actually believe it. And once you do, you’ll have much more positive feelings about your sexual self.

About Viagra: Not effective for women. It simply increases blood flow to the crotch, which, in men, results in erection. Since it’s likely that your disinterest in sex isn’t physical, there’s no magic pill to solve it.

And just in case: Have you spoken with your gynecologist about having your testosterone level checked? Yes, women produce testosterone too—not nearly as much as men, but we do produce some. Testosterone is a very powerful hormone which contributes to sexual interest and desire. As we age, our bodies produce less of this sexy little helper, so it’s a good idea to speak to your doc about having your levels checked. Good luck to you. Dr. J
Helpful - 1
585167 tn?1218346129
It took me 10 years before I finally had an orgasm during sex.  And it's only happened that once.  I have always faked it and been the one to do all the pleasing and never worried about myself because I always wanted to make sure I was the best sex my partner ever had.  

I have a vibrator and that helps a lot, so I knew I could actually have one, but it was battery operated.  The time I orgasmed during sex, I was stimulating my clitoris and I was on my back with my hips/butt in the air, so my boyfriend was hitting my g-spot.  With the help of both stimuli, I finally had an orgasm.  Since then we've been trying and I come really really really close, but I think I lose my concentration and I think about it too much and I never really just let it happen.  

Also helping me is making myself orgasm without the vibrator, so I am finally learning about what actually gets me going.  I was always so lazy and relied on the vibrator to do the job in under 10 minutes.  Manual labor take over 20-30 minutes!  But I think this will help me get to the point a lot faster.  

So my advice is to get a vibrator to find out if you really can have an orgasm, because I think you can.  Next play with yourself to find out what you really like.  Good luck!
Helpful - 1
595212 tn?1222563183
wow thanks for all your comment. iv been missing out on so much that its pi..ing me of. i was talking to my daughter in laws today and we got on the subject of sex and i decided to tell them. they are very discreet that they wouldnt tell my sons.they were shocked when i told them and are now organising a anne summers party and are going to make sure i turn up. they are younger and would prob be able to give me the update on new things that are on the market. im looking forward to my new experiences
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Masterbate. Find out what you like by doing it yourself then show your lover how you like to be touched. Just because he isn't bringing you to an orgams doesnt make him a bad lover he just doesn't know what you like. And it doesnt mean you have something wrong with you either. Communication in the bedroom is as important as communication in a mariage or relationship. Most men get off by watching their girl please themselves. Get him involved with finding your pleasure zones and ENJOY IT! Good luck!
Helpful - 0

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