This forum is for questions and support regarding relationship issues such as: Abstinence, Arousal Problems, Birth Control, Cohabitation, Commitment, Communication, Couples Counseling, Desire /Lack of Desire, Sexual Technique.
I'm virgin 23 years old f. married before 3 months. I had much interest in sex before wedding & i get wet fast. now not interested in sex & not getting wet even my husband touch & kiss me. I don't know wtz the problem.
Neither do I. Without knowing details about you and your husband, I can't give you any information. Here's some general information about factors affecting desire:
Sexual desire is a very tenuous thing: it can come and go many times—and the more you worry about it, the worse you’ll feel. Remember that anxiety is the enemy of desire. So first, give yourself permission to feel just the way you do.
Let’s look at some possibilities regarding your lack of desire. One possibility is that your husband no longer turns you on. It may be helpful for you to take an inventory of characteristics that you find attractive or interesting. Does he have any of those qualities, or are you feeling like you SHOULD be turned on regardless? You’re not going to get pizza by hanging out at a steak restaurant.
And, of course, many other factors can influence desire. You might also examine what else has been happening in your life that may have affected you. Are you content with yourself, with your life, with your relationship? Are there any family or work crises? And how’s your physical health? There are numerous medical conditions that can also contribute to lack of desire.
Are you anxious? If you’re feeling anxious or unsure of yourself, your desire for sex will be affected. Or you may have conflicting feelings about being sexual, based on earlier issues in your life. Or you may actually FEEL desire, but suppress it, due to feeling conflicted. Are you aware of any reasons you may have for avoiding sex with him?
There could be other reasons you’re not turned on: If you’re worried about pleasing your husband, rather than just enjoying the pleasure of it, this can be a turn-off. Or perhaps you feel obligated to have sex with him. The other message that many of us receive is that sex is somehow dirty and wrong, unless you’re doing it for reproductive purposes. Sometimes this can creep into our unconscious thoughts and sabotage any pleasure. Another issue is trust. If your husband has done something that violates your trust in him, this can have a huge affect on your desire.
And, of course, there’s the whole issue of your husband’s attitudes and behaviors and whether any of those are affecting your desire. Is sex mostly about HIS pleasure rather than yours?
I’m also wondering whether you are still having any kind of sexual fantasies—apart from your relationship—and whether you’re self-pleasuring. If you’re still interested in sex in general, apart from your relationship, this could be an indicator that it’s the relationship that’s problematic, not sex in and of itself.
So, to recap: you may have negative attitudes about sex in general, or you may have performance issues or be bored or frustrated. Think about the issues I’ve raised and see if any are true for you. Remember not to put pressure on yourself. I’m wondering what YOU think is contributing to this and whether you’ve taken any actions to try to change it. You’ve probably got more insight than you realize. Best of luck to you. Dr. J
lwe r physically fit. he don't do fore play. but his **** get erect. I fear abt pain of vagina membrane tear. is it need to wet more or somewhat is.enough?? I'm not self pleasuring.
I'm eating soaked fenugreek seeds in empty stomach in morning.
I want to love him wholeheartedly coz he is very kind with me. I want to fulfill him soon :(
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