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Sexuality & Relationships (Expert Forum)
orgasm
Answered by
Janice M Epp, PhD - Female sexual issues, Adolescent sexuality, Male sexual issues
Private Practice
Palo Alto - CA
This forum is for questions and support regarding relationship issues such as: Abstinence, Arousal Problems, Birth Control, Cohabitation, Commitment, Communication, Couples Counseling, Desire /Lack of Desire, Sexual Technique.
Doctor's Answer
by Janice M Epp, PhD, Jul 08, 2008 03:31PM
, Jul 08, 2008 03:31PMTo: candy111
Dear Candy:
There are several answers to your question because there are many different activities that may result in orgasm for you.
Let's start with the one that's most effective for having an orgasm: self-pleasuring. There is no "best" position other than the one you discover that works best for you. It takes time and practice to learn about your own orgasms. The best way to find out what you like is to experiment when you’re alone. Check out the area around your clitoris first. Be sure to use some lubrication and gently touch around the top and sides to find out what feels good. You may need to do this many times before you get comfortable and used to the intensity. Find the sensitive spots that feel good. The best part of this learning experience is that it’s fun!. Some women prefer to lie down flat on their backs, others on their chest and yet others on their sides. Other women like to stand up when self-pleasuring. It's up to you to decide which works for you, based on experimentation.
The second most effective way for women to have orgasms is from oral stimulation. Again, in order to discover what position works best for you, you'll need to experiment. Some women enjoy mutual oral sex ("69") because of the intensity of the shared experience, while others would rather take turns so they can focus on the stimulation they're receiving in order to orgasm.
The least effective way for women to orgasm is from penis-vagina stimulation. I wish I had a dollar for every time I hear from women who expect to have orgasms from penis-vagina sex (p-v) alone. And yet, most women think there's something wrong with them if they don't. Please know that there’s nothing the matter with you other than you expect to respond exactly like your partner thinks you should respond; that is, to have an orgasm simply through p-v.
In women, the clitoris must be stimulated—either directly or indirectly—in order for orgasm to happen. The vagina, all by itself, is not all that rich with sensory nerve endings. In fact, only the first couple inches of are very sensitive, and they tend to be more responsive to direct stimulation rather than the more general stimulus p-v usually provides. For sure, plenty of women enjoy p-v immensely. From a physical perspective, that feeling of fullness can be nice, and can also provide some stimulation of the clitoris’ internal structure.
A major difference between women and men is that generally, the clitoris needs constant direct or indirect stimulation, unlike the penis. For most women, orgasm results from a constant circular motion around the shaft and glans (or head) of the clitoris. Also important is that once a woman’s orgasm begins, if the stimulation is removed, the orgasm will end. In contrast, once men have that first orgasmic contraction, not even a neutron bomb will stop their orgasm!
While many women enjoy p-v sex, for at least 40-50% of them, it usually doesn’t result in orgasm. Why? Because most p-v sex doesn’t provide the steady pressure and reliable stimulation women need for orgasm. During p-v sex, most men use an “in-out” motion that feels great for them, instead of the circular grinding motion that will stimulate the clitoris.
Some p-v positions which can maximize clitoral stimulation are:
• Woman on top, where you can control both the angle and depth
• Woman sitting on top, where either you or your partner can stimulate your clitoris
• “Scissors”: Side-by-side facing each other, with one of his legs between yours
• Rear entry (man behind), where he can also manually stimulate your clitoris, or you can stimulate yourself.
For maximum clitoral stimulation, your partner should NOT go in and out, but rather should use a grinding motion or, if possible, just stay still, pressing firmly inside you while letting you do the moving around him.
As I've said, the key here is that you experiment. There is no ONE way that's best, only what you discover feels best for you. Good luck! Dr. J
There are several answers to your question because there are many different activities that may result in orgasm for you.
Let's start with the one that's most effective for having an orgasm: self-pleasuring. There is no "best" position other than the one you discover that works best for you. It takes time and practice to learn about your own orgasms. The best way to find out what you like is to experiment when you’re alone. Check out the area around your clitoris first. Be sure to use some lubrication and gently touch around the top and sides to find out what feels good. You may need to do this many times before you get comfortable and used to the intensity. Find the sensitive spots that feel good. The best part of this learning experience is that it’s fun!. Some women prefer to lie down flat on their backs, others on their chest and yet others on their sides. Other women like to stand up when self-pleasuring. It's up to you to decide which works for you, based on experimentation.
The second most effective way for women to have orgasms is from oral stimulation. Again, in order to discover what position works best for you, you'll need to experiment. Some women enjoy mutual oral sex ("69") because of the intensity of the shared experience, while others would rather take turns so they can focus on the stimulation they're receiving in order to orgasm.
The least effective way for women to orgasm is from penis-vagina stimulation. I wish I had a dollar for every time I hear from women who expect to have orgasms from penis-vagina sex (p-v) alone. And yet, most women think there's something wrong with them if they don't. Please know that there’s nothing the matter with you other than you expect to respond exactly like your partner thinks you should respond; that is, to have an orgasm simply through p-v.
In women, the clitoris must be stimulated—either directly or indirectly—in order for orgasm to happen. The vagina, all by itself, is not all that rich with sensory nerve endings. In fact, only the first couple inches of are very sensitive, and they tend to be more responsive to direct stimulation rather than the more general stimulus p-v usually provides. For sure, plenty of women enjoy p-v immensely. From a physical perspective, that feeling of fullness can be nice, and can also provide some stimulation of the clitoris’ internal structure.
A major difference between women and men is that generally, the clitoris needs constant direct or indirect stimulation, unlike the penis. For most women, orgasm results from a constant circular motion around the shaft and glans (or head) of the clitoris. Also important is that once a woman’s orgasm begins, if the stimulation is removed, the orgasm will end. In contrast, once men have that first orgasmic contraction, not even a neutron bomb will stop their orgasm!
While many women enjoy p-v sex, for at least 40-50% of them, it usually doesn’t result in orgasm. Why? Because most p-v sex doesn’t provide the steady pressure and reliable stimulation women need for orgasm. During p-v sex, most men use an “in-out” motion that feels great for them, instead of the circular grinding motion that will stimulate the clitoris.
Some p-v positions which can maximize clitoral stimulation are:
• Woman on top, where you can control both the angle and depth
• Woman sitting on top, where either you or your partner can stimulate your clitoris
• “Scissors”: Side-by-side facing each other, with one of his legs between yours
• Rear entry (man behind), where he can also manually stimulate your clitoris, or you can stimulate yourself.
For maximum clitoral stimulation, your partner should NOT go in and out, but rather should use a grinding motion or, if possible, just stay still, pressing firmly inside you while letting you do the moving around him.
As I've said, the key here is that you experiment. There is no ONE way that's best, only what you discover feels best for you. Good luck! Dr. J
