This forum is for questions and support regarding relationship issues such as: Abstinence, Arousal Problems, Birth Control, Cohabitation, Commitment, Communication, Couples Counseling, Desire /Lack of Desire, Sexual Technique.
hi...i have sexual erecting problem, each time when i have sex my penis lose power all of a sudden. Sometimes it erects, but when i penetrate my penis into a vagina it starts losing power before producing sperms. What can i do to solve this problem?
Welcome to your 20’s! Erections go up and down. You’ll find this happening all your life. It doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy sex, but you have to let go of worrying about performance.
Do you experience erections upon awakening? I’m being serious, because it’s important to know if you’re experiencing erections at times other than when you’re with a partner (e.g., morning erections). If you ARE, this would indicate that there aren’t any physical causes and that there’s something emotional/psychological contributing to your concern (performance anxiety, etc.).
Much of your problem is due to your attitude. Once your penis didn't act as you expected, you probably started feeling anxious and judging yourself, which can be a vicious circle. The more you worry about erections, the more your penis won’t cooperate. In fact, it can be downright rebellious! Many men feel that if their erection goes down even a tiny bit, there’s something wrong with them. Where does this come from?
Men receive so many messages that sex is about “performance” and pleasing a partner, rather than just enjoying the pleasure of it. Everything is goal-oriented—like a football game. By being so goal-oriented, some men never get to feel the simple pleasures of touch, of kissing, of soft skin on skin. And, of course, if you can allow yourself to let go of goals and just enjoy, guess what? That erection will come right back. So don’t focus so much on penis-vagina (p-v) sex as the “end-all, be-all” of sex, but rather just let yourself relax and enjoy whatever occurs. And don’t have p-v sex until you’re ready.
The other message that many men receive is that sex is somehow dirty and wrong, unless you’re doing it for reproductive purposes. Sometimes this can creep into our unconscious thoughts and sabotage any pleasure. Ask yourself whether you have any conflicts about being sexual—any old messages that might be lurking in your subconscious.
There are many other reasons why you may be inhibited with your partner. I’m going to assume that when you say “sex,” you mean penis-vagina sex (p-v). This could be due to anxiety—either about sex in general, or about some aspect of your relationship with her. Perhaps the intimacy of p-v is making you uncomfortable? Why would that be? What does it represent to you—and to your partner? These are questions to ask yourself. Or it might just be that some aspect of p-v creates anxiety
Or perhaps you’re not receiving enough stimulation during p-v, or you might be starting p-v before you’re turned on enough. In addition, some men find that certain condoms limit sensation, and, of course, this can intensify with each experience, leading to more anxiety. I’m also wondering how aroused you are by your partner. You could be bored, or perhaps some aspect of your relationship isn’t satisfying.
In addition to examining the above issues, I also highly recommend the book “The New Male Sexuality” by Bernie Zilbergeld, Ph.D. It’s widely available online, both used and in paperback and is an invaluable resource. Best of luck to you. Dr. J
I am over 60 with active sex life (one and only wife for many years). Lately, my erection seems to dissipate during sex and won't return OR, as I am about to reach climax, the tip of my penis becomes sensitive and deep penetration holds back orgasm. I am able to ejaculate in a less-than-deep situation but I feel the erection going flaccid even as I ejaculate. My wife enjoys all of the foreplay, penetration, orgasms but this is defintely putting a damper on our beautiful sex life. What's up here?
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