Aa
phobia of sex
im 19 years old and i have been in a relationship for a year with my boyfriend we used 2 be sexually active all of the time untill when i was sore we had sex and i started 2 bleed, i bled for 2 weeks and then stopped jst after my period, i asked my sister and a close friend and they both said that it had never happend to them and they dont know why it could have happend, ever since sex has petrified me to the point where it makes me nervous when my boyfriend touches me, i havnt told a doctor, but now i do have a fear of sex and i want it to stop as i feel terrible, i have spoke to my boyfriend about it and he completly understands, can anyone help me??
MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
Hi.
If I were in pain and bleeding, I’d want to avoid my partner as well! Bleeding is a sign of something serious like an infection or injury, so, yes, you should definitely see your gynecologist or go to your nearest women’s clinic. If it were me, I’d want to know whether I have a condition that needs to be treated. Now that you’re being sexual with another person, you need to take responsibility for taking care of your sexual health.
There are many possible causes of your soreness:
Your cervix may be irritated. Short anatomy lesson: once you’re sufficiently aroused, the uterus rises up, moving the cervix out of the way of a penis so it doesn’t get bumped. If you’re having penis-vagina sex (p-v) before you’re turned on, your cervix is vulnerable to bumping and irritation.
You may also be experiencing tearing and abrasions if you’re not turned on. A pelvic exam can determine the extent of the tissue trauma, if there is any. If p-v hurts, you need to tell your partner to ease up and slow down. And be sure you’re wet enough—or get some good lube to augment your own natural lubrication. I recommend Replens, which is available at most drugstores.
Some women experience a tightening of their vagina, which causes them pain during p-v. This is usually the result of fear and anxiety about sex. I’m wondering if you’ve received messages that sex is somehow dirty, harmful or wrong. Or whether you’ve experienced something traumatic in your past that is creating fear. It can be difficult to truly let go of negative messages about sex as well as past fears unless you have an opportunity to talk about them and process the experience so you can move past it.
Since you’re now expecting that p-v is going to be painful, this could become a self-fulfilling prophesy: you’re worried about pain, so you can’t relax and get turned on and wet, which, indeed, will cause pain. Please DO NOT ever have any kind of insertive sex unless you’re very turned on. Sometimes, people rush toward what they consider “the main event” without realizing that a) sex should not have a goal; all touch can be pleasurable, and b) any kind of penetration can be painful if you’re not sufficiently turned on.
Another possible factor causing your pain: What were the conditions like when you were being sexual? Did you have enough privacy? Were you relaxed and happy? If not, these factors might have contributed to your discomfort as well.
In addition, if your partner has had little or no sexual experience, he might not have been aware that both of you need to be very turned on before p-v sex, and that it takes time. You need lots of touching, kissing, etc. and whatever else turns you on.
Before attempting p-v again, it will be helpful to start with something small, like a finger, inserted just a teeny bit at a time to see how it feels and build comfort. You can do this during self-pleasuring. Here are the steps: Once you’re very aroused, just touch the outside of your vagina. See how that feels. Breathe. Once that feels OK, then try putting a finger just a tiny bit inside, and again evaluate the feeling and breathe. You get the picture: break it down into small steps, and stop when you’re feeling anxious. Give yourself permission to go very slowly.
Realize that it takes time to relax and learn about your body and its responses and to get over your fear. But anything worthwhile takes a little time and practice, no? If after slowing down, letting yourself get turned on and lots of practice, you find you’re still afraid, you might consider seeing a counselor to examine your fears. But first, get a pelvic exam to find out why you’re bleeding. Good luck to you. Dr. J
If I were in pain and bleeding, I’d want to avoid my partner as well! Bleeding is a sign of something serious like an infection or injury, so, yes, you should definitely see your gynecologist or go to your nearest women’s clinic. If it were me, I’d want to know whether I have a condition that needs to be treated. Now that you’re being sexual with another person, you need to take responsibility for taking care of your sexual health.
There are many possible causes of your soreness:
Your cervix may be irritated. Short anatomy lesson: once you’re sufficiently aroused, the uterus rises up, moving the cervix out of the way of a penis so it doesn’t get bumped. If you’re having penis-vagina sex (p-v) before you’re turned on, your cervix is vulnerable to bumping and irritation.
You may also be experiencing tearing and abrasions if you’re not turned on. A pelvic exam can determine the extent of the tissue trauma, if there is any. If p-v hurts, you need to tell your partner to ease up and slow down. And be sure you’re wet enough—or get some good lube to augment your own natural lubrication. I recommend Replens, which is available at most drugstores.
Some women experience a tightening of their vagina, which causes them pain during p-v. This is usually the result of fear and anxiety about sex. I’m wondering if you’ve received messages that sex is somehow dirty, harmful or wrong. Or whether you’ve experienced something traumatic in your past that is creating fear. It can be difficult to truly let go of negative messages about sex as well as past fears unless you have an opportunity to talk about them and process the experience so you can move past it.
Since you’re now expecting that p-v is going to be painful, this could become a self-fulfilling prophesy: you’re worried about pain, so you can’t relax and get turned on and wet, which, indeed, will cause pain. Please DO NOT ever have any kind of insertive sex unless you’re very turned on. Sometimes, people rush toward what they consider “the main event” without realizing that a) sex should not have a goal; all touch can be pleasurable, and b) any kind of penetration can be painful if you’re not sufficiently turned on.
Another possible factor causing your pain: What were the conditions like when you were being sexual? Did you have enough privacy? Were you relaxed and happy? If not, these factors might have contributed to your discomfort as well.
In addition, if your partner has had little or no sexual experience, he might not have been aware that both of you need to be very turned on before p-v sex, and that it takes time. You need lots of touching, kissing, etc. and whatever else turns you on.
Before attempting p-v again, it will be helpful to start with something small, like a finger, inserted just a teeny bit at a time to see how it feels and build comfort. You can do this during self-pleasuring. Here are the steps: Once you’re very aroused, just touch the outside of your vagina. See how that feels. Breathe. Once that feels OK, then try putting a finger just a tiny bit inside, and again evaluate the feeling and breathe. You get the picture: break it down into small steps, and stop when you’re feeling anxious. Give yourself permission to go very slowly.
Realize that it takes time to relax and learn about your body and its responses and to get over your fear. But anything worthwhile takes a little time and practice, no? If after slowing down, letting yourself get turned on and lots of practice, you find you’re still afraid, you might consider seeing a counselor to examine your fears. But first, get a pelvic exam to find out why you’re bleeding. Good luck to you. Dr. J
I can't emphasize enough how important it is to talk to a doctor when something like this happens instead of waiting for it to go away. Two weeks is a long time to bleed. At least talk to your mom or SOMEONE with real experience as a sexually active adult. You could even try a Nurse's Hotline (check the phonebook). However no amount of description will be as accurate as a physical exam by a professional. If you want the fear to go away, take charge of your health.
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Millions of people are diagnosed with STDs in the U.S. each year.
STDs can't be transmitted by casual contact, like hugging or touching.
Syphilis is an STD that is transmitted by oral, genital and anal sex.
Discharge often isn't normal, and could mean an infection or an STD.
STDs aren't transmitted through clothing. Fabric is a germ barrier.
Normal vaginal discharge varies in color, smell, texture and amount.
