sexuality understanding

[susan16929]

I am 16 years old and have never had sex. When I was 12, I noticed that I became sexually aroused whenever I was reading about corporal punishment, rules, etc. and began masturbating without knowing what I was doing. Once I found out what I was doing, I stopped. I am concerned at what has caused me to feel aroused because most of the time it is things that disturb me and that I do not like. When reading or watching very disturbing things, I feel sick and disgusted, yet find myself becoming aroused. I am also worried that I don't seem to feel an attraction or have a crush on anyone.

Also, I have woken up with orgasms before and find that I touch myself in my sleep without even meaning to and would like to stop this.

[Janice M Epp, PhD]

Ah, desire and wanting and fantasies. We’re always worried about what it means. We may want something we can’t have, or think about something we don’t actually want to do in real life. Or sometimes we think about a person and what it would be like to be with them; we rehearse in our head various behaviors and dialogues.

We’re mostly comfortable with these desires and thoughts if they’re about non-sexual activities: getting a better job, etc. But when it comes to sexual desires and fantasies, we’re all worried about whether they have some “meaning.” That’s because we’re so used to thinking about sex as potentially problematic. And everyone wants to be sure they’re “normal.”

You might fantasize about finding a large bag of money—enough to set you free for the rest of your life—but if you actually DID find that bag, you’d most likely turn it in. In other words, just because you dreamed it, doesn’t mean you’d actually DO it. Sexual fantasies and dreams are the same way: just thinking about it doesn’t mean you actually do it. In fact, the hottest fantasies are usually the opposite of how we are in our realities. So getting turned on by these acts doesn’t necessarily mean you want to do them—it merely means that because of their forbidden nature, they’re very hot. And someday, if you decide to experiment with some of these acts with a partner, you can negotiate just how far you'd like to go. In other words, YOU control the fantasy.

As to why you're not currently attracted to someone, who knows? It could just be that you haven't met anyone interesting. Or perhaps at this point in your life, your energies lie elsewhere. Give yourself permission to be just who you are and stop worrying and trying to fit into someone else's idea of what you should be.

And please stop worrying about touching yourself. Almost everyone does it. It feels good, it releases tension, and it’s part of life. Dr. J

[jennajohny]

thats strange...I find myself aroused by different things. sometimes very odd things. But on occasion i have seen in movies violent or kinda cruelish or disturbing things and without knowing it have had an erection cuz of it. Ive also expierenced the sleep thing too. Woken up grabbing my penis and rubbing against my leg... but i couldnt remember if i was dremaing of anything sexual

[whatswrongwithus]

Whoa. First off. I too find when reading or watching very disturbing things, I feel sick and disgusted, yet find myself becoming aroused. I don't know why, and I wont go into what gets me up, but I just don't know. I guess its like this: Alot of women have rape fantasies. But they find it disgusting. I myself despise men who abuse their wives, and I myself would never, ever hurt a woman, yet I get aroused when watching BDSM porn. Truth be told, I wouldn't worry about it to much. As for waking up with orgasms and touching yourself while sleeping without even knowing it, I can't help you with that part. But I really wouldn't worry about getting horny when reading things like that. I know many guys who feel the same way about 'abusing' women. One thing you should remember, the women in these bondage pornos get horny from it too, otherwise they wouldn't be in the movies.

~Red