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Sexuality & Relationships (Expert Forum)
teen impotence/loss of sexual drive
Answered by
Janice M Epp, PhD - Female sexual issues, Adolescent sexuality, Male sexual issues
Private Practice
Palo Alto - CA
This forum is for questions and support regarding relationship issues such as: Abstinence, Arousal Problems, Birth Control, Cohabitation, Commitment, Communication, Couples Counseling, Desire /Lack of Desire, Sexual Technique.
teen impotence/loss of sexual drive
by yellowmon123, Mar 03, 2009 01:45PM
I'm 17 years old and for the past few weeks its beenvery hard for me to maintain or get an erection it could be marijuana i havnt used it in afew day.
the other day i was with this girl and she was doing all this freaky stuff and i find her very attractive and i had fun but i couldnt get it up i'm sure it isnt performance anxiety because i cant even get it up like bymyself but for some reason it sometimes goes up when i'm asleep but it still doesnt go as hard as it went before a few weeks ago.
the other day i was with this girl and she was doing all this freaky stuff and i find her very attractive and i had fun but i couldnt get it up i'm sure it isnt performance anxiety because i cant even get it up like bymyself but for some reason it sometimes goes up when i'm asleep but it still doesnt go as hard as it went before a few weeks ago.
Doctor's Answer
by Janice M Epp, PhD, Mar 04, 2009 07:57PM
, Mar 04, 2009 07:57PMTo: yellowmon123
Hi there.
I have no idea what's going on with your body, but I can tell you some possibilities.
If you're still getting erections during sleep, it's probable that there's no physical problem. You state that even during self-pleasuring you're noticing a difference, but this is probably because you're now so anxious and worried, you've created a self-fulfilling prophesy. The more you worry, the more your penis won't cooperate.
So you're 17. Lucky you! Your body has pretty much been automatic up to now, and when it doesn't do exactly what you think it should, it can cause you great anxiety. Well, I'm here to tell you there's probably nothing wrong with you other than that you have unrealistic expectations. Get used to the fact that erections will come and go. And when you don't have an erection, it doesn't mean it will never come back. It's your HEAD that's the enemy, not your penis.
How about you stop thinking that good sex is all about your erection and that it’s all YOUR responsibility? Holding these ideas puts way too much pressure on you. Once you begin to worry, it becomes a vicious circle: you worry, so your erection goes down, and then you notice it, and you worry some more, etc. Pretty soon your penis stops cooperating all together.
Men receive so many messages that sex is about “performance” and pleasing a partner, rather than just enjoying the pleasure of it. Everything is goal-oriented—like a football game. High-achieving or very anxious men may have a particularly difficult time of letting go of a goal and just enjoying themselves. The other message that many men—and women—receive is that sex is somehow dirty and wrong, unless you’re doing it for reproductive purposes. Sometimes this can creep into our unconscious thoughts and sabotage any pleasure. This is more common among people who have been raised in a strict, pleasure-negative religious or philosophical orthodoxy.
There are various other possible psychological/emotional factors too numerous to detail here. These include fear of intimacy, fear of women or negative feelings about them, unresolved anger, feeling conflicted about marriage, etc.
You may have negative attitudes about sex in general, you may have performance issues or you may have conflicts about marriage or women in general. Either way, it’s easy to get trapped in a cycle of trying too hard, which, in turn, just leads to more stress and anxiety. And you know what? It’s not that uncommon, and it’s not that hard to change. Take a deep breath, relax and examine these issues and see if any fit for you. Something is getting in the way of your pleasure, and you’ll need to do some serious thinking to figure out what it is.
When with a new partner, it takes time to relax with each other and learn about your body and its responses. But anything worthwhile takes a little time and practice, no? Stop worrying and enjoy your sexuality for the great gift that it is. Best of luck to you. Dr. J
I have no idea what's going on with your body, but I can tell you some possibilities.
If you're still getting erections during sleep, it's probable that there's no physical problem. You state that even during self-pleasuring you're noticing a difference, but this is probably because you're now so anxious and worried, you've created a self-fulfilling prophesy. The more you worry, the more your penis won't cooperate.
So you're 17. Lucky you! Your body has pretty much been automatic up to now, and when it doesn't do exactly what you think it should, it can cause you great anxiety. Well, I'm here to tell you there's probably nothing wrong with you other than that you have unrealistic expectations. Get used to the fact that erections will come and go. And when you don't have an erection, it doesn't mean it will never come back. It's your HEAD that's the enemy, not your penis.
How about you stop thinking that good sex is all about your erection and that it’s all YOUR responsibility? Holding these ideas puts way too much pressure on you. Once you begin to worry, it becomes a vicious circle: you worry, so your erection goes down, and then you notice it, and you worry some more, etc. Pretty soon your penis stops cooperating all together.
Men receive so many messages that sex is about “performance” and pleasing a partner, rather than just enjoying the pleasure of it. Everything is goal-oriented—like a football game. High-achieving or very anxious men may have a particularly difficult time of letting go of a goal and just enjoying themselves. The other message that many men—and women—receive is that sex is somehow dirty and wrong, unless you’re doing it for reproductive purposes. Sometimes this can creep into our unconscious thoughts and sabotage any pleasure. This is more common among people who have been raised in a strict, pleasure-negative religious or philosophical orthodoxy.
There are various other possible psychological/emotional factors too numerous to detail here. These include fear of intimacy, fear of women or negative feelings about them, unresolved anger, feeling conflicted about marriage, etc.
You may have negative attitudes about sex in general, you may have performance issues or you may have conflicts about marriage or women in general. Either way, it’s easy to get trapped in a cycle of trying too hard, which, in turn, just leads to more stress and anxiety. And you know what? It’s not that uncommon, and it’s not that hard to change. Take a deep breath, relax and examine these issues and see if any fit for you. Something is getting in the way of your pleasure, and you’ll need to do some serious thinking to figure out what it is.
When with a new partner, it takes time to relax with each other and learn about your body and its responses. But anything worthwhile takes a little time and practice, no? Stop worrying and enjoy your sexuality for the great gift that it is. Best of luck to you. Dr. J
