This forum is for questions and support regarding relationship issues such as: Abstinence, Arousal Problems, Birth Control, Cohabitation, Commitment, Communication, Couples Counseling, Desire /Lack of Desire, Sexual Technique.
im a female 25 years old..newly married ...i started have sex 2 monthes ago for the first time ..and my husband tooo..i cant reach orgasm while intercoursing..i want to have orgasm during penis vaginal intercourse help me pleas
Hi there. I'm so glad you asked about orgasms and your sexuality because the more knowledge you have, the happier your sex life will be.
Regarding orgasm, here's some preliminary information for you:
In women, the clitoris must be stimulated—either directly or indirectly—in order for orgasm to happen. The clitoris is our primary sex organ--not the vagina--and consists of the glans (glands) (or head), the hood which covers the glans (glands), and the shaft. Most women do not orgasm from penis-vagina sex alone, so please don't put pressure on yourself to do so.
For most women, orgasm results from a constant circular motion around the shaft and glans (glands). Also important to know is that once a woman’s orgasm begins, if the stimulation is removed, the orgasm will end. Orgasm is characterized by a series of pleasurable, involuntary contractions in and around the vulva (clitoris, vagina and inner/outer lips). Most women have between 5 and 8 contractions per orgasm.
It takes time and practice to learn about your own orgasms before you share them with a partner, and it's important that you "own" your orgasm fully and not let someone else define how you should be responding. The best way to find out what you like is to experiment when you’re alone. Check out the area around your clitoris first. Be sure to use some lubrication and gently touch around the top and sides to find out what feels good. You may need to do this many times before you get comfortable and used to the intensity. Find the sensitive spots that feel good. The best part of this learning experience is that it’s fun!
Once you understand your own body’s responses, then you can begin to share them with a partner—even more fun! Be patient. It takes time to learn and to build up trust, but if you do this now, you’ll be setting yourself up for yummy sex for the rest of your life. I highly recommend the book, "For Yourself: The Fulfillment of Female Sexuality," by Lonnie Barbach. It's widely available in paperback, and is a step-by-step program for learning about your own sexual response. In addition, it contains lots of sharing by women about their own personal journeys of sexual self-discovery. I think it will help you immensely.
And one final word about orgasms: They last about 10 seconds, and yet we put so much value on them. Besides orgasm, there are lots of pleasurable things to enjoy during sex--whether it's with yourself or with a partner. So please don't focus solely on orgasm. If you put that kind of pressure on yourself, it becomes a "job" instead of fun. And sex can be lots of fun if you relax and enjoy all the sensations. Sex is a grand buffet of wonderful dishes. If you focus on only one, you'll miss out on all the other wonderful flavors. Good luck! Dr. J
Most women, even after years of sex, can't have an orgasm through intercourse. It's normal. If I were you, I'd look up books or websites with tips specifically for sex for beginners to help remove some of the mystery from sex. Sex doesn't always happen the way we think it should - it's easy to get down on yourself. Debunking myths about sex will help you know what is normal and what you should worry about.
If your husband is pressuring you to have an orgasm during intercourse, then he needs to understand that it's not going to just magically happen. You need to become more comfortable with your own body, understand how and when it is aroused. Many women achieve their first orgasm through masturbation, then apply what they know to their sex life with their partner. For most women it takes a lot of time and experience (whether with a partner or just by themselves). Hang in there, and good luck!
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