This forum is for questions and support regarding relationship issues such as: Abstinence, Arousal Problems, Birth Control, Cohabitation, Commitment, Communication, Couples Counseling, Desire /Lack of Desire, Sexual Technique.
hello, im 15 years old turning 16 in a week and i have had a boy finger me more then once,.but before that i have had some vagina drip in my underwear and i don't know what its from.I would ask my mother but she past away 2 years ago. and i just want to know how to clean my self properly and lear about how to please a guy when your having sex
1. "Vagina drip." This is your natural lubrication. When you get turned on, your vagina gets wet. This is good! In fact, if you're NOT wet, it means you're not turned on, which means you should go no further until you are.
2. "How to clean myself properly." I'm assuming you mean how to keep your vulva clean. Unfortunately, women sometimes get the message that our vulvas aren't clean and need lots of soap or perfume. Not true. In fact, as long as you're healthy, the whole are around your crotch pretty much takes care of itself. Shower daily, and wash with warm water or non-perfumed soap. Don't use heavily perfumed soap, because it contains alcohol, which is harmful to those delicate tissues and also washes away all the bacteria which protect your vagina from infection.
3. "How to please a guy..." This is a complex question. The more important question for you to consider is how to please yourself. I'd suggest you learn more about your own sexuality first, because the more knowledge you have, the happier your sex life will be. Here's basic information about orgasm, just to get you started:
Most of us learn about women’s orgasms from movies, TV and books. You know: the perfect, romantic, spontaneous, simultaneous, earth-moving Big O. We’re supposed to orgasm from 2 minutes of penis-vagina sex in the missionary position in the dark with a partner who is clueless. So we put this pressure on ourselves and are mostly disappointed when it doesn’t happen.
Here’s the reality: In women, the clitoris must be stimulated—either directly or indirectly—in order for orgasm to happen. The clitoris is our primary sex organ--not the vagina--and consists of the glans (or head), the hood which covers the glans, and the shaft. Most women do not orgasm from penis-vagina sex alone, so please don't put pressure on yourself to do so.
For most women, orgasm results from a constant circular motion around the shaft and glans. Also important to know is that once a woman’s orgasm begins, if the stimulation is removed, the orgasm will end. Orgasm is characterized by a series of pleasurable, involuntary contractions in and around the vulva (clitoris, vagina and inner/outer lips). Most women have between 5 and 8 contractions per orgasm.
It takes time and practice to learn about your own orgasms before you share them with a partner, and it's important that you “own” your orgasm fully and not let someone else define how you should be responding. The best way to find out what you like is to experiment when you’re alone. Check out the area around your clitoris first. Be sure to use some lubrication and gently touch around the top and sides to find out what feels good. You may need to do this many times before you get comfortable and used to the intensity. Find the sensitive spots that feel good. The best part of this learning experience is that it’s fun!
Once you understand your own body’s responses, then you can begin to share them with a partner—even more fun! Be patient. It takes time to learn and to build up trust, but if you do this now, you’ll be setting yourself up for yummy sex for the rest of your life. I highly recommend the book, "For Yourself: The Fulfillment of Female Sexuality," by Lonnie Barbach. It's widely available in paperback, and is a step-by-step program for learning about your own sexual response. In addition, it contains lots of sharing by women about their own personal journeys of sexual self-discovery. I think it will help you immensely.
And one final word about orgasms: They last about 10 seconds, and yet we put so much value on them. Besides orgasm, there are lots of pleasurable things to enjoy during sex--whether it's with yourself or with a partner. So please don't focus solely on orgasm. If you put that kind of pressure on yourself, it becomes a "job" instead of fun. And sex can be lots of fun if you relax and enjoy all the sensations. Sex is a grand buffet of wonderful dishes. If you focus on only one, you'll miss out on all the other wonderful flavors. Good luck! Dr. J
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