This forum is for questions and support regarding relationship issues such as: Abstinence, Arousal Problems, Birth Control, Cohabitation, Commitment, Communication, Couples Counseling, Desire /Lack of Desire, Sexual Technique.
I am a thirty five year old male health care worker in very good physical shape married to a very attractive 31 year old female RN. We have been married for almost ten years and have two great kids. My wife suffers from mild depression and takes medication (SOMETIMES). We used to have a very active sex life. No position was out of the question. Now if and when we have sex its when she wants it, which sometimes maybe one or two "Quickies" a month. I'm full blooded Italian and love the intimacy portion or sex. I enjoy making her feel good. Now its get on, get off and she off to the gym. Which appears to be her new best friend. Understand my wife is not out of shape!! She is in no way the cheating type which leads me to believe this is a hormonal issue. I don't expect anything outrageous when it comes to sex, but a quicky? I can do better on my own. Any ideas??
Have you talked to your wife about how you feel? I mean really, point blank, "I'm happy with you and wish that we could take our time spending time together?" Maybe she doesn't realize that you want slower, more intimate sex. She might think you just want more sex and has remedied the situation with quickies.
It could also be that she's 31, an RN, mother or two, and doesn't feel like she has the time for anything else. She might also need to feel like she's not "old" yet. Whether you find her attractive or not, if *she* doesn't feel happy with herself, then she's not happy - end game. If this is the problem, then talk to her about making more time for each other. Plan a night to go out for dinner. Give her time to really get dolled up - to do something with her makeup and hair. And don't pressure her too much. Maybe she'll just see this as more work, but if you praise her and show her that this is for fun and just for the two of you, then maybe slowly the next time she'll look forward to it and start to enjoy planning for it. These are just some suggestions - good luck.
I think you need to talk to your wife. for most woman, sex starts way before the bedroom. She maybe overwhelmed and to tired to want sex. I can say for me personally, the more my husband helps out around the house it takes some of the burden off me and I am more likely to want to be intimate. Also any type of depression medication kinda takes the urge away so my doctor suggested that when I knew we were going to have intercourse that I wait to take my medication afterwards instead of first thing in the morning. Works pretty good.
jml1986 has a god point . It's easy for us married guys to get in the same rut and do the same thing , then don't understand why our wives don't show the same enthusiasm they once did . I , myself got to keep reminding myself about the basics . Take her on regular dates , let her know how much you appreciate her , let her know how beautiful you think think she is . Take your emotional relationship to a new level .
My husband and I were also having this problem. He had a normal libidio, I had none. He, too, felt as though he did everything to make me feel like the most gorgeous woman on the planet (and I do, but my libido was still broke). Many years ago I had read a wonderful book on how to make a man hot and ready for sex. I recently remembered this book was also written for a man to make his partner feel the same. It took a lot of convincing for my husband to read this after I bought it. In fact, I read it first to see what was missing (if anything). Gentlemen, let me tell you the ideas in this book really worked. After finally convincing my husband to read this book and him applying some simple (non sexual) techniques has taken our relationship and sex life to a new plateau. For yourself, and your partner please try this one more thing.
The book is by Ellen Kriedman. For her it's called Light His Fire;
for him it's called Light Her Fire.
Personally, I think it would be the most romantic thing to have both people read both books together.
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