Hello, and I have some of the same struggles. I am 50 years old and have Hep C, Bipolar depression and have a cocaine problem which now I'm in recovery. I am a Veteran of two branches of service and when I go to the doctor I am very much judged by my past behavior. Everything that is physically wrong with me is because of my past behavior. I do take the blame for some of it but can you put everything on my past drug use? I am a good student in college and a good mother to my now 29 yr old daughter and try to take care of myself. Don't be discouraged and do not give up - God is the ultimate judge. I know that some of the choice we make shape our future but in spite of all God loves us to. Thanks because your post let me know that there is someone similar to me.
First let me apologize for not getting back to you in a timely manner. I am new to this site and I do not know how to maneuver on it very well.
I, too must take responsibility for some of the pain that I have now. When you play... you have to pay. Or at least that is what I have found in my case.
I also have been and am still being judged by past behaviors. I am sorry to hear that it is happening to you. Doctors, especially shouldn't do this. But, I have found that not to be true.
In my case, it is being on the Methadone program. That is why I get no type of pain relief. Once the see "Methadone", it's downhill from there.
I believe you when you say you are a good parent. It comes across in the way you say it. That is something, that when an addiction is present, is something for you to be very proud of. Especially cocaine. That drug can consume your life, so be proud!
Are you still in recovery or am I going somewhere I shouldn't?
Well, I hope you get this and write me. We can get into other things when I find out if you got this, OK?
Again, sorry for the delay.
-Respect few, fear none.
Boy, I'm glad I found this site, I can relate and THEN some! Found out I had Hep C-A1 (the kind that is the hardest to treat, naturally) many years ago. Didn't seem to do much for a very, very long time, then all of a sudden, I had cancer tracers in my blood and it linked to my liver. They found "spots" on it, and now they are "monitoring" it every 3 months with MRI's. So, I have no idea what is in store with all that. But, I will tell you that I used to be an addict, a heavy addict of downers, and I probably contracted the Hep C from tattoo's my friends did, but I don't know. I have severe PTSD, and every time I go to a doctor, everything is "ALL IN MY HEAD" or "we can't find the problem, you need a good psychiatrist." So, I definitely know what you are talking about.
About 2 years ago, I started gaining weight, alot of weight really fast. This has happened twice before in my life (but the doctors DON'T HEAR THAT), and they also won't test for all the pituitary problems that can cause this, they just said that I have low thyroid. Then, my body started literally falling apart. I now have (in the course of a few months) diabetes, restless leg (I don't think that's what it is because it's SO SEVERE and meds don't help, plus, my feet go completely numb), a "stiff heart," high blood pressure, osteopenia, edema, and sleep apnea. Why, I have asked them??? They "don't know," but am I seeing a good psychiatrist because I COULD BE BINGE EATING!
So, then I went in for a routine scope of my knee, the trach tube was too big and I got really sick. I started vomiting, had diarrhea, EXTREME BURNING in my chest and throat so bad that I take liquid Lidocaine, weakness and sicker than a dog. Was admitted to the hospital twice in critical condition. They did every test imaginable and couldn't find anything, so they told me to "get a good psychiatrist, it's PROBABLY MY PTSD!" WTF??
Now, went to another doctor and he said he thought the scopes were put too far down my throat, and had me rescoped which did find some damage to my throat. Then, he did an x-ray and CAT and completely by accident they found tumors on my vertebrae and thoracic region. NOW THEY'RE FINALLY WORRIED!! It's friggin' too late, but at least THEY FINALLY KNOW IT WASN'T MY PAST, OR MY FRIGGIN' PTSD!!!
So, now is another CAT scan, and a nuclear bone scan, been telling them for months I had a dry hacking cough, but wouldn't listen to me, who, me??? Why would they actually listen to a Mental patient!!!
I am sick and tired of being a mental illness instead of a human being, and doctors still treat you like that today. I don't even know what to tell you, I'm sorry is about all. It gets old, and it gets tiring, we've all had "pasts," it's just that ours are out in the open.
Personally, I can't take anymore, and I'm about to check out. Good luck to you all, and ignore the idiots.
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