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I know how you feel , addiction takes it's toll on us
I've allowed alcoholism to ruin my life - depressed, out of work , seperated from my wife - don't even know what damage I've done to my body .   Really don't socialize anymore.  So many things I use to enjoy I can no longer find pleasure in, golf, reading, working out and watching sports.  Trying to take 1 day at a time.    
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Hey unioncty98,  Your last sentence is more true than you may realize right now.  I am sorry to hear that you had to lose all that you did.  What you are describing, is what I have heard, in similar words, from many people that have had this problem.  You are not alone.  And do not cut yourself off from your friends and family.  You need them very much right now.  You need some sort of support system, that you can call on when things are bad.  
Are you going to any meetings?  I know that many people find that they are helpful.  
  I, too, had a alcohol problem for many years along with the drug problem.  Fortunately, I was able to quit.  But, to be honest, (and honesty with ones self is so very important with things like drugs and alcohol), I still had the drugs.  So, I guess I had a fallback, and that may have made things easier.  I didn't feel that way at the time though!
Be easy and work your program, no matter what that may be.  Whatever helps!
Write to me personally if you have the need.
-JohnD.
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