Tired and blue
Still feel terrible. I guess I have to face i that I will never feel good again and the only thing that ever made me happy was opiates. Suboxone has kept me off everything but I still....after years of trying...havent found interest in life. Maybe too many years of being on drugs has changed the pathways in my brain to where I will never be happy again. I am self consious and depressed all the time and am sick of even talking about it. It seems like everyone finds all this new sobriety is so great. I had hope in the first few years and have stuck it out but now I wish I had just od and got it over with.
Recently saw a show on pbs about a group called "final Exit" and they assist you in suiside. I don't guess I would qualify but sure am thinking that the pain people are in emotionally should be considered.
When a person has been on opiate most of their life I don't see any way to feel ok in the world with out them. It is just steady misery.
I just wish there was a way to warn and explain to people just starting to "Use" that it may just ruin their lives forever. Years after quitting you are still miserable. The withdrawal is just the beginning. The depression lasts for the rest of your life. Or so it seems.
I appoligize for the negitivity. Just the way it is right now, and has been for quite some time.
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