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7 yrs old only daughter, single mom
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7 yrs old only daughter, single mom

I am a single mom, with a 7 yrs old only daughter. Father in an out of her life. I am having behavioral problems at school and at home. She does not follow instructions or do as told. She does things when she wants or feels like it. She wastes too much time when she has to do something, like a "timed test". Teacher complaints that she has to tell her 3 times to do something. Very good grades though. I have taken away, TV, Nintendo, Wii, even listening to Justin Bieber. Nothing seems to work permanently. It looks like she behaves also when she feels like it. What else do I do?
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1622527_tn?1301648222
gee i dont know  ,, my heart goes out to you  ,, have you tried counciling ,asking her teacher advice or doctors  ,, opion ,, a teacher nearly spends 6 hours a day with our children ,, where  we spend 5 or 6 and thats between dinners etc  ,, and work   ,, what those she like to do   ,, can you swap opions stories  ,, like a trade she shows you someting she interested and you also ,,,,,walking in a park drawing something where yer both tuned into one another  ,, it always easy give advice  ,, we nearly allways have our own answer , just not sure what to do  ,, what is your gut feeling in this sitituation     ,, you say about her dad  ,, i can totally relate to this same situatuation three children ,, from age 9 down ,,   ,, if you don,t mind me asking could this have triggered it , or had it started before he left  ,, ,, have you tried speaking to him ,, or your daughter   ,, could be her way of looking for help  ,, or could be underlying problem   ,, pleanty of positive praise for all she those right  ,,or call a meeting listen and discuss any rules she or you might like to include in yer house and reward for same  ,,how is she with any friends in school is thier a change in pattern
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1486688_tn?1333857307
Anything that she does well..no matter how small..I would just be very excited over it and encourage that..reward her w/ something small that you know she likes..
The video games and computer, I would let her have those for small amounts daily..like an hour..have a set time and only let her use them at that time.  Patterns are very healthy.
Assign some chores for her..any kind..write them down and put them on the fridge..1 chore a day would be ideal.  After the week is up and she'd done her chores..she may earn say two hours during the weekend on the computer..or trip to get an ice cream..or whatever it is she would like to do.   (have a friend over..or her go to a friends home)  

I also like positiveexposure22's answer. :O)  Good advice!  

I was thinking too..about the wasting time bit..is she ADD?  Maybe she has some trouble focusing.  I would probably take her to be evaluated...and if nothing else..therapy for the missing dad business.  The therapist will  give you some great advice that I could not regarding all aspects of her issues.:O)
I don't know what I'd do about the dad..I would talk to him I guess and tell him what problems she is having..and either he can spend more time w/ her (does she do better when she is w/ him or has spent time w/ him btw?) or just go.  I don't know.  I mean, why is he in and out?  Does he live far away?  Military? or just whenever he feels like coming around?  I would need to better understand.  Your post implies that he's around just when he feels like it..in that case, I would have to tell him..either more or just go away b/c it is affecting her stability which she needs.  If he continues to just be in and out of her life it will cause you/her more problems down the road besides this..and it won't be good.  


If you ever need an ear..msg. me:O)
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875268_tn?1332772451
Just read your post and I'd say be careful with selfdiagnosing ADD. So many kids nowadays get labeled ADD or ADHD because they don't behave the way they should when actually there's something else the matter. My mother took me to counseling when I was 5 and didn't leave until I was 15; it left me feeling there was something wrong with me, while all that time it was just me and my mom not communicating well. Up till this day I feel like 'there has to be something wrong with me, otherwise why would she send me to a therapist?'. I'm not saying it's a bad thing and you shouldn't take your daughter into therapy, I'm just saying that you should be careful on how to approach that.

On the issue: if she's getting good grades as you say but is very distracted, she might be bored. See if giving her a mental challenge excites her. You never know, she might be a lot smarter than everyone thinks she is! Boredom in school and not having enough to challenge her mental skills in her everyday life might cause her to show that kind of behavior. For the rest I agree with rockinrobin32 on the chores thing, it's very helpful and gives her direction and stucture in her life.

As for the dad: I'm struggeling with that as well. My kid isn't even born yet, but I see this happening with his dad as well. He's not been there when he should, hasn't really taken a serious interest in the baby and I'm quite sure that won't change after he's born. The best thing I can do, I feel, is to be the best parent (a mom AND a dad) I can be. Explain to him even on a very early age what the deal is with his father - not in a bad way per se, but just stating the facts. Dad is going to be here sometimes, but most of the time it's just you and me. You can get certain things from your father, but you know can always rely on me and ask me about and for anything.
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