Im a single parent to the most beautiful big hearted caring 6yr old little girl(well as what I used to see her being). It's always just been me and her, me being the mother/father to her. Her bio father has and never been in the picture since b4 she was born and I just left it at that. I tried to be civil with the bio, but he had nothing but false hopes for me believing he'd come around but never kept his word. There's more to the story behind that but that's not my concern right now. Well, it's been a yr and a half since my bf and I got together, and since then my 6yr old daughters behavior went from listening n respectig mommy to not caring, not listening, n disrespectful to mommy. This past year I've never seen this kind of attitude and behavior in her. She acts up, whines (when she doesn't get her ways), talks back, disrespectful, and rude. Everyone tells me i need to be alot harder on her, or give a good whoopin', if not it's only gonna get worst, and so far she's doing a great job at walking all over me.. I dont believe in spanking my child, and I've tried my hardest with time outs, taking what she loves to do away from her. I've become harder on trying to discipline her, but deep inside i feel horrible, like im not protecting her as i should be, feels like im putting her 2nd because i try to correct her n yell 'cause i get frustrated because she doesnt listen. My bestfriend told me not to think that way, she says my daughters gotta learn to respect me again as her mother, and her walking over me is only gonna get worst. I've even gotten to a point where I got soo fed up with her attitude n actions I yelled at her several times (that was a bad parenting mistake), but anything I do or say, doesn't phase her, like nothing scares her. I show her love and attention, could it be it's not enough? Her and my bf (whom she calls uncle) get along here an there, but majority of the time, he he gets annoyed and fed up when she doesn't listen, talks back and is disrespectful to myself, him, or whoever in the home. He tends to stoops down to her level and yells at her, at times where it's inappropriate to her little ears. When that happens I do correct him on how he speaks to my child, or how his actions/body language is towards her. Sometimes I feel caught up being in the middle where I'm being pulled by the 2. My girl is my everything, she will always come first, and I love my bf aswell, but with her behaving in such an a manner he can't stand, I don't know what to do, why my daughter is acting the way she is.
Could it be she's not used to mommy being more hard on disciplining? Not used to someone new in mommys life having mommys back disciplining? Feels it's not just her and mommy anymore? Feels mayb the bf doesn't care/love/respect her? Could her actions be based on a negative feeling she's always felt coming from my bf? HELP!!!
I have sOo much going on in my head when I'm alone I cry. I miss my sweet, big caring heart lil girl, who also used to love helping mommy, my lil playful goofy lil girl who loved and respected everyone, i want her back.. Please, if anyone has any advice, suggestions or similar scenarios please do tell...
Have you sat her down and had a conversation with her? It sounds like she just wants your attention - maybe she's not used to sharing - and maybe feels threatened by your boyfriend. Kids that age can understand if you have a serious conversation with her, tell her that you love her more than life, and your boyfriend makes you happy but you want her to be happy too. Then ask her if it's okay if you and she have a date sometimes, so you can make sure she has time with you outside of the time you have with your boyfriend and her. Then tell her that it's not okay when she misbehaves or talks back, and that it hurts your feelings and you want her to learn to be a good girl again, so there will be consequences if she does it again. And then follow through. Don't let the guilt let you let her get away with it, it's for her own good and if she's like this at 6 imagine her at 16 if you don't teach her to do better than that. I have a brother in his 20s who still feels like there are no consequences to whatever he does; he was raised by my parents after they lost their first son and they let him get away with everything out of guilt for what happened to my older brother. Children need boundaries, and consequences.
It also sounds like your boyfriend needs a conversation about how to relate to your daughter. It's probably better to have a serious conversation out of sight and sound of your little girl, then be constantly correcting him in front of her. If she's really your priority, put your foot down on how you want her raised, and what he can do to help with that. Right now it sounds like ya'll are battling against each other.
Your daughter needs to know she is heard by you. Get down on her level and tell her you know how she feels when she starts to get upset. Give her time to talk to you and then talk to her back without yelling. You do not have to be harsh. The harder you are with her, the more she will fight you. She needs your loving attention. Give it time, she will soon learn she doesnt have to act out to get your attention. If she needs corrected, correct her, without anger.
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