I am 16 years old and i just found out not too long ago that i am pregnant as a result of a heinous crime against me. i am leaving this msg on this board to ask for advice on raising a child as a single parent. if anybody can help me out or give me some advice, i would greatly appreciate it... i am scared and overwhelmed right now...
I am so sorry to hear this. How awful for something like this to happen to anyone.
First of all, have you pursued this legally? Have you pressed charges against your attacker(s)? I think that should be your first and foremost priority right now.
Now to address your pregnancy. I commend you for wanting to take on raising a child that has been given to you under such horrible circumstances. That is truly honorable and heroic of you. I am very against abortion, although I try my hardest to keep my judgements and criticisms out of issues like this, because I'm not the one walking in that person's shoes. But the fact that you are willing to give this innocent child life is, in my opinion, a true act of selflessness and sacrifice on your part.
What is your living situation? Do you live with your parents or somewhere else? If you live with your parents, do they know that you are pregnant? Do they support your decision to keep the baby and will they help you raise it? What is their financial situation like--can they afford to help you?
I think at your age (and not knowing much about your personal life from the questions I asked above), you might want to consider adoption. There are so many ways you can pursue that, such as open adoption if you still want to be involved in the child's life (where you adopt out the baby, but you are still allowed contact and visitation). That way, you can still fulfill the goals and dreams you have in your life.
But if you want to definitely keep the baby and raise it, you will need lots of family and friend support. Being a young single parent is practically impossible without that kind of support, even if the help/support is minimal. It's needed.
You will also need to look into government aid. Your child should be able to qualify for Medicaid, which also makes you and the child eligible for WIC, a food support program (somewhat like food stamps). When I had my son on Medicaid and WIC, I was able to take him to doctor appointments with no co-pay or prescription deductibles, and WIC coupons bought him formula, rice cereal, juice, cheese, peanut butter, milk, cereal, and eggs. Both Medicaid and WIC were lifesavers for me the first two years of my son's life, as I was still a college student and claimed as a dependent on my mom's taxes. I would never have been able to afford his formula or medical costs on my own (he was on nebulizer breathing treatments the first year of his life, so doctor's visits were usually twice a month), along with daycare, diapers, clothes, etc. You never know what's going to come up that will hit you hard financially, because kids get sick and they grow out of their clothes right after you buy them!
Anyway, I hope that everything works out for you in whatever you decide. As a last bit of advice I can offer, I'm a Christian, so I know how important it is to give all your burdens to God and let Him work them out. He will take care of you because He loves you. So don't lose hope or faith in Him; He will see you through. Sometimes it might not seem like anything is going to happen and that He has forgotten you, but He hasn't. Just keep trusting Him, and He will never fail you.
You'll be in my prayers. God bless.
I was raped when I was 14 and got pregnant also. It is such a very hard thing to go through. I really didn't have the option of abortion because it was to late, at least I thought it was. I was five months before I found out. Since you are deciding to keep the pregnancy, you have two options - adoption and rasing the child. Since I didn't have a great family support system, I had to place my son for adoption. I had him four days before my 15th birthday. Let me tell you that if I could have keep him, I would. At that time my parents really didn't give me a choice. I didn't know about WIC and Medicaid. You can get on WIC while you are pregnant and Medicaid. Medicaid will pay for the birth and WIC will give you milk, eggs, and stuff. Call Social Services and ask about all the programs they have for single parents - they have day care help and everything.
Will your parents support you? Do you have a good support system?
I will tell you that placing my son for adoption was the hardest thing for me to do and it is hard to live with. You always question yourself if you did the right thing ect.. My goal is posting is to let you know you CAN keep your child but it will be hard and really hard if your support system is not strong. I had my second child when I was 17 and in high school and my mother helped me this time. I had to miss school here and there because I had no babysitter but I made it. I couldn't go out or do what I wanted but it was so worth the hardships. I got a job and went to college. You can get grants to go to college. I did not pay to go. Some people will bash me for that, but you know what I paid taxes to and this helps people to get an education they can't pay.
Like I said, I wasn't able to keep my son because I was so young. I couldn't drive, no where to go, and no one to help me. I didn't know my rights. I do know he is ok and we will meet soon.
Research Research - I have been through both - adoption and rasing a child at 17. What was harder - placing my son for adoption was harder and more painful. More then anything, I wish I would have gotten the chance to raise him but God had other plans for me. God made it ok in the end and He did let me find my son - God has blessed my son with loving parents and he never has to want for anything and is loved. Think about it and you do what you feel is right. It is hard to raise a chid young, but it can be done. I did it when I was in high school -
Please don't anyone bash me - this is only what I think and what happened to me - what is right or wrong is not for me to say :-)
People all ways ask if you can love child that you carried that was a result of rape. I say yes, I never thought badly of my son and view him as coming from God. He is and always will be my son and I love him
I am not pressing charges because i have no idea who did this. i did not here my attacker's voice and could not see any distinguishing features.
As of right now, I live with my parents. they do not know of the attack or the pregnancy yet, but some of my friends do. My friend and her mother are going to take me to the health department for a check up and an official pregnancy test. I am going to enlist their help in telling my mother, who can tell my step father. My mother was just laid off from the restaurant where she waitressed and my step father is on social security. not a very good financial situation at all.
I could never deal with putting my baby up for adoption. To me that seems like an evil thing to do to a child: I know people who have been through or are in the foster care system and I know people who have been adopted, and the things it does to their psyche are horrible. Many of them feel they were unwanted or not worthy of being with their biological parent(s). I could never do that to my own child, but I do understand that many people do not have much of a choice, so i do not look down on them.
When I am done at the health department, my friend and her mom are going to take me to the local Medicaid and WIC offices so I can get the proper care and prenatal stuff, as well as whatever else I might need.
The question of whether I could love a child that resulted of rape is what fueled my decision not to get an abortion. I will not punish my child for the sins of her (or his) father. I plan on keeping my child and I will always love her (or him) as I would if my child were not born of rape. I would not be able to deal with the guilt of putting my child up for adoption, but I understand why some might do so.
What can I expect during the rest of my pregnancy and during the first years of my child's life? Today I am 9 weeks and 4 days pregnant.
Well, every pregnancy experience is different, as is every child. There's a really good book you should get called "What to Expect When You're Expecting" and another one called "What to Expect the First Year." There's a whole series of "What to Expect..." books, and they are really well detailed and informative, and very "user friendly." Those books will answer almost any question you have regarding pregnancy and raising a baby.
You sound very intelligent and strong of heart and mind. I believe you'll be a great mom to this baby. I hope all works out for you and your family--government aid should also be very beneficial. I know I was so glad to get my son off of government aid when I became able to provide for him myself, but I was SO thankful that it was available when I needed it. Medicaid is a really good system (at least it was for me). You should be able to be on it while you're pregnant and for a couple of weeks after the birth if you have a primary insurance, then it will just cover your child. But you'll be able to stay on it if you qualify and don't have primary health insurance.
You'll be covered on WIC while you're pregnant and if you breastfeed. But if you don't breastfeed, then WIC just covers the baby with coupons for formula, rice cereal, juice, and a few other things. Either way, it's very helpful.
The MedHelp site has a lot of wonderful people that can give you a good support system. If you'd like, you could put up posts with any questions you have in the Maternal & Child forum. There are a bunch of really nice ladies who post in that forum. Check it out if you can.
I've got bad news. I fell down the stairs Sunday night and yesterday, I started bleeding and my stomach hurt like hell. Then something came out... I was so scared... Now I am still bleeding, but its bleeding like a period... I think i lost the baby... I feel terrible. My entire body feels like its been put through the ringer, im nauseous, and tired... ugh. not to mention the fact that i was just getting used to the idea of being pregnant, and i was loving it... now...
You need to go see a doctor asap. If you have miscarried, then the doctors need to make sure everything is safe for you, and if not, then your baby may still have a chance.
I'm so sorry to hear that you're going through all of this. It seems like you are a very strong young lady and can handle a great deal, but even so, no one should have to go through what you have. I'm so sorry the pain and stress you have to deal with.
I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers, and I pray that this new year brings many blessings for you. Stay strong.
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