My 8 year old step son is having trouble sleeping

[Vickina46]

The problems started a few months ago but have been recurring much more frequently as of late. His father and mother have been separated for nearly 3 years now and it seemed that he was handling the situation fine. His father is very loving and attentive and spends as much as 4 days a week with him and his sister (11 years old), picking them up from school, doing homework, having dinner and putting to bed.

We are concerned that maybe he is having some emotional issues dealing with all of the change even though he doesn’t express any issues and does not have behavioral problems.  He does not fight the "going to bed" routine, however, once he is in bed he often gets up several times to look for his father. He gets very fidgety and won’t rest until his father goes to him and puts him back to bed.  As I mentioned above this has only been going on for a few months but is now getting worse.  He is also waking up in the middle of the after a few hours of peaceful sleep.  When he does wake up in the middle of the night he looks for his father but seems as though he is not fully awake.  He mumbles incoherently and gets frustrated and cries.  His father tries to sooth him but often ends up getting frustrated himself.  

In addition to the night time issues he often throws tantrums when needing to leave his father's house to go back to his mother's house.  This does not happen every time but is occurring more frequently.

Another dimension is that his mother is recently remarried and has a new baby.  She states that she does not have these issues with him at her house and often gets frustrated with him when he throws his tantrums.  

We are concerned and do not know if he is experiencing a sort of separation anxiety or middle child syndrome or if perhaps if the asthma medication he is one (2x a day) is having an effect on him.  

Any advice or suggestion you can provide will be greatly appreciated.

[SLadylani]

You're welcome! It's also good to start with the least amount of treatment first, like you're doing, then work up. Sleep hygeine is a great idea. Is this the house he lived at with both his mom and dad before they got divorced? Or is his mom's house that house? His environment could be a clue if he's in a unfamiliar place, or ina place where certain memories occur. What might be a good idea is checking out some information online about seperation anxiety and things you can do for it. While he's 8 years old, this is a great age to start making changes. I wish you all the best of luck, and know this website is always here if you have questions or need guidance :)

Sara RN

[Vickina46]

Hi Sara, thank you for your reply.  He actually does not act tired during the day at all.  And in the mornings he seems alert and well rested and has no recollection of even waking up during the night. Almost as if he is still asleep during the whole "episode".  Someone suggested he might have night terrors which seems likely given the description but what is concerning us is why this only occurrs in our home? Why does he not have these types of sleep issues with his mom??

We are going to try and refine the bed time routine a bit.  Putting him to sleep a little earlier and avoiding snacks, tv or video games right before bed to see if that helps with the issue at all.  Not sure where to go from there if those things do not work.  Also i am afraid that we are not getting to the root cause of the problem which seems awfully similar to separation anxiety.

We have considered the therapist approach but think it will be in his best interest to try these simplier remedies first. thanks!

[SLadylani]

Well first off, I don't think it's related to the asthma medications. Next, I went through something similar when I was 8 years old after my parents divorced. As much as I hated it, my mom through me into psychiatry because of my tantraums. It could have been a good experience but unfortunately it led to a psychiatrist who shoved a whole bunch of psych meds down my throat, that I didn't need, and my mother, who was mentally sick herself, just let it happen. Today I am a RN and have a firm beleif in not putting children on psych meds unless they need them. However, the sleep issue can be a problem as it can affect his schooling, and can even be causing the tantraums in the first place, as he is probably so tired all the time from lack of adequate sleep. I'm hesitant to say to automatically try him on sleep meds. What I do suggest is possibly looking into therapy for him. Interview therapists taking the boy with you. That way you can ensure you choose a right fit. Eventually, hopefully he will become comfortable with the therapist, child therapists can be great, and at best the therapist can get to the root of the problem and address his fears. If the lack of sleep does become a real problem, what I suggest is trying something mild before bed, then moving up. Try warm mild, hot baths, relaxation time. Get into a bedtime routine-sleep hygeine. If that doesn't work you can try over the counter children's benadryl and see how he does on that. If the lack of sleep begins to affect his school and the tantraums continue, and he is obviously fatigued, then I suggest taking him to his pediatrician and possibly a mild sleep medication can be prescribed. But for me when I was that age, sleep medicaations didn't help for a while as I had to address what was going on with me mentally/emotionally. I still have sleep problems today and take a prescription to go to sleep. Some people can be prone to sleep problems during times of stress, and insomnia is hard to get rid of, especially once you start sleep meds, which is why I suggest trying other things first until it becomes apparent that his lack of sleep is affecting his daily life. I wish you all the best of luck and send my best wishes along your path in life, and trully hope you find the solution that works best. This website is always here if you need us. Take care,

Sara RN