Aa
Hi everyone new here
Hi there I am a 36 year old mom of two great kids. I have been a smoker for many years ohhh probably since I was 18. Once I had children ( I quit during both pregnancies) I started smoking but down from a pack a day to a few cigarettes a day and that is where I am now. I hate it and I want to quit to be healthy and have a long life. Also I have bad acne and pelvic issues so want to try BC pills. BC pills and smoking over 35 does not mix so unless I am off of cigarettes for at least 3 months my Dr wont even prescribe them for me. I need to quit. This is the only regret I have in my life. My quit day is tommorrow so any advice....support would be helpful. Unfortunatly my husband is a pack a day smoker so its hard to quit with them around me all the time...lol.
Congrats on the 50 years and to many more!
As for you asking if your husband should have 'militantly supported smoking bans', that isn't what I meant. Some people don't have the resolve to completely quit smoking when others smoke around them. As for Devonlee, she's implied that she's home often... So why should she have to remove herself from a spot at home when her husband decides to light up? Marriage, last time I checked, was a team effort. He shouldn't quit just because she is quitting, but at least respect her decision to quit and just go to another part of their home to smoke--showing a little support for her hard journey to be smoke-free.
When it comes to your hypothetical, once-again, showing a little respect for your alcoholic spouse... Don't drink around him/her. And if you do, you ARE responsible if that spouse gets his/her hands on that bottle of wine and goes on a drunk tirade. Simply because you KNOW he/she is an alcoholic and has a serious problem. An alcoholic needs support from friends and family and if someone who claims to love you enough to marry you but can't support you through the bad times, then you shouldn't be married in the first place. Plain and simple. Addictions require support, not tough love.
As for you asking if your husband should have 'militantly supported smoking bans', that isn't what I meant. Some people don't have the resolve to completely quit smoking when others smoke around them. As for Devonlee, she's implied that she's home often... So why should she have to remove herself from a spot at home when her husband decides to light up? Marriage, last time I checked, was a team effort. He shouldn't quit just because she is quitting, but at least respect her decision to quit and just go to another part of their home to smoke--showing a little support for her hard journey to be smoke-free.
When it comes to your hypothetical, once-again, showing a little respect for your alcoholic spouse... Don't drink around him/her. And if you do, you ARE responsible if that spouse gets his/her hands on that bottle of wine and goes on a drunk tirade. Simply because you KNOW he/she is an alcoholic and has a serious problem. An alcoholic needs support from friends and family and if someone who claims to love you enough to marry you but can't support you through the bad times, then you shouldn't be married in the first place. Plain and simple. Addictions require support, not tough love.
No, I don't see the validity of her putting pressure on her husband. I am married for almost 50 years. Nowadays that is kind of a record. Maybe part of it is that we have never foisted personal problems on each other. My husband stopped smoking about 15 years ago. Everyone thought I should quit smoking to help him along. (I was smoking at the time.) I said no way! He agreed. The decision to stop smoking was his. Should he have required our guests to stop smoking? Should he have militantly supported smoking bans? In other words, should he have become a bully. If you are married to an alcoholic and you are not one, does that mean you cannot have the occasional glass of wine? No. We are responsible for ourselves.
A couple of things to remember here. This is about you quitting, and you can only control what you do. Your husband quitting would be his issue.
Teko, nailed it on the head. If you are down to a few smokes a day, you've almost got this beat! And good for you!!! Quitting takes a good plan and commitment. You also need to know that you can tweak your program to meet your needs.
I wrote a list of all of the benefits of continuing to use. It was a short list... in fact, that piece of paper is still blank. I wrote a list of reasons to stop and that list grows every day. I then wrote a list of when I enjoyed tobacco, like after dinner, having drinks with friends, on the daily commute..... then I kept track of all of the miscellaneous uses during the day. Ridiculous!!!! Then it dawned on me. I had a lot of years without use, and I was fine. I decided I didn't need the garbage and dropped it cold turkey.
Now, it's only been 58 days. But I am 58 days away from the old me, and that's too far for me to go back on.
Teko, nailed it on the head. If you are down to a few smokes a day, you've almost got this beat! And good for you!!! Quitting takes a good plan and commitment. You also need to know that you can tweak your program to meet your needs.
I wrote a list of all of the benefits of continuing to use. It was a short list... in fact, that piece of paper is still blank. I wrote a list of reasons to stop and that list grows every day. I then wrote a list of when I enjoyed tobacco, like after dinner, having drinks with friends, on the daily commute..... then I kept track of all of the miscellaneous uses during the day. Ridiculous!!!! Then it dawned on me. I had a lot of years without use, and I was fine. I decided I didn't need the garbage and dropped it cold turkey.
Now, it's only been 58 days. But I am 58 days away from the old me, and that's too far for me to go back on.
teko....wow so there is hope! Congrats on being a non smoker. Thanks for the response also.
If you are down to just a few smokes a day, then it should not be real hard for you to quit. You can either lose one a week until you are down to nothing or go cold. Ask your hubby to not smoke in your presence, the house or the car. Lay them suckers down and never look back. Then the only way to stay quit is to never take another puff for any reason and you will not restart.
I quit cold, asked the hubby to not smoke around me and have not smoked to this day. Now when the hubby is around and I know he smoked, it actually makes me feel sick to my stomach to smell the odor. And I was a two pack a dayer for over 35 years. Praise God!
I quit cold, asked the hubby to not smoke around me and have not smoked to this day. Now when the hubby is around and I know he smoked, it actually makes me feel sick to my stomach to smell the odor. And I was a two pack a dayer for over 35 years. Praise God!
Thanks everyone for the replies.....
Allmymarbles... I was by no means blaming my husband for my smoking. Lord knows I smoked long before I met him. Just mentioned that it makes thing a bit more difficult when someone is smoking right in front of you and there are cigarettes in the house thats all.
wootace....thanks for all your support and ideas. I am with you in that I stay at home alot and its boredom that causes me to smoke. I recently moved to a new area so have no friends so that makes it more difficult. It isnt impossible though so I just have to suck it up and do it...lol. I just wanted to get some support and have people to talk to who may be going through the same thing.
Allmymarbles... I was by no means blaming my husband for my smoking. Lord knows I smoked long before I met him. Just mentioned that it makes thing a bit more difficult when someone is smoking right in front of you and there are cigarettes in the house thats all.
wootace....thanks for all your support and ideas. I am with you in that I stay at home alot and its boredom that causes me to smoke. I recently moved to a new area so have no friends so that makes it more difficult. It isnt impossible though so I just have to suck it up and do it...lol. I just wanted to get some support and have people to talk to who may be going through the same thing.
Okay, first thing I need to say is @allmymarbles... its perfectly valid for her to put some pressure on her husband. Assuming he knows she is trying to quit, he should be going out of his way to not smoke around her. It has a lot to do with respect.
Second, kudos to you for trying to quit Devonlee. I'm 19, I stay at home all day watching my younger siblings for my mom, and most of the time... all there is to do is smoke. I haven't bought a pack of my own in two months now. I still smoke the odd cigarette here and there... so trust me when I say I feel ya!!
Third, if you can't quit cold turkey then see about nicotine patches or gum. I hear Chantix works (but I don't think you want the risk of suicidal tendencies when you have a family to worry about...)... Point being, there are options to help aide you in your desire to quit. My mom, quite a few years back, tried hypnosis and for a long while... it worked. (It only stopped working when she got a divorce...)
Fourth... While your husband may be of no support, you still have your kids. Use them... Like, you don't want to smoke around them and having secondhand smoke corrupting their lungs, right? Try to keep them around you and have them keep your mind off of smokes.
Fifth... Speaking of keeping your mind off of smokes... try to stay busy. Make no room for a smoke break. And if you find time to have a smoke, think of something else that can be done like cleaning up some dishes in the sink or maybe your car needs to be cleaned out a bit.... or maybe you might want to fix your hair or makeup?
If you really can't find anything else to do other than have a smoke... grab a straw or a piece of chewing gum and chew the hell out of that urge ;)
Second, kudos to you for trying to quit Devonlee. I'm 19, I stay at home all day watching my younger siblings for my mom, and most of the time... all there is to do is smoke. I haven't bought a pack of my own in two months now. I still smoke the odd cigarette here and there... so trust me when I say I feel ya!!
Third, if you can't quit cold turkey then see about nicotine patches or gum. I hear Chantix works (but I don't think you want the risk of suicidal tendencies when you have a family to worry about...)... Point being, there are options to help aide you in your desire to quit. My mom, quite a few years back, tried hypnosis and for a long while... it worked. (It only stopped working when she got a divorce...)
Fourth... While your husband may be of no support, you still have your kids. Use them... Like, you don't want to smoke around them and having secondhand smoke corrupting their lungs, right? Try to keep them around you and have them keep your mind off of smokes.
Fifth... Speaking of keeping your mind off of smokes... try to stay busy. Make no room for a smoke break. And if you find time to have a smoke, think of something else that can be done like cleaning up some dishes in the sink or maybe your car needs to be cleaned out a bit.... or maybe you might want to fix your hair or makeup?
If you really can't find anything else to do other than have a smoke... grab a straw or a piece of chewing gum and chew the hell out of that urge ;)
Number one - don't blame your husband. His smoking has nothing to do with you. Some people cannot go cold turkey. Or if they do, they start smoking again. Place your cigarettes in a relatively inconvenient place so that every time you want one you have to go to another room, open a drawer, etc. That will help you cut back because it is annoying. Then go from there.
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