Is a pack a day that bad? That's how much my husband smokes but he's been smoking for over 30 years now. I know it's not as bad as some people who smoke 2 packs or more a day. He did cut down over the years but won't quit.
Also, since both his parents smoked and one died from lung cancer and the other from emphysema does that put him at a higher risk or is it more from how much your smoking and not genetic?
I really wish he'd quit, at least for the sake of his children. :(
yes, a pack a day is very bad, especially since both of his parents died from smoking related illnesses! It's a darn shame that he can't learn from their mistake : (
This unfortunate situation is very common when it deals with addiction and there is nothing that anyone can say to change a smokers mind. It truly has to come from the person who is the addict.
April, I was a smoker for 38 years and I thought of no one but myself. There were times when I chose to buy a pack of smokes over groceries. I am ashamed now, but back then, I didn't think of anything else but the cigarettes.
The only thing we can do now is to make sure you and the children aren't exposed to the smoke. Make sure he goes outside and have him wear something to cover his hair and clothing so that he carries very little back into the house.
As for your hubby, well he has to learn about his addiction and why he continues to do it, especially after the death of his parents from smoke related illnesses!
Good luck to you.
try showing him the website whyquit.com, especially the "Motivation"
I've tried. I've even bought him something that was supposed to help him to quit and he never opened it. My kids used to worry but they don't even bug him anymore.
Yes, it is selfish but I can't say anything anymore. I've tried the nagging, guilt, etc. and it doesn't work. You are right. He has to want to quit. I know, I'm like you. I can't believe that his parents dying way too young from smoking (in their 60's!) didn't shock him enough to want to quit. I guess that's how strong addiction can be.
I do understand. I too used to smoke but quit 15 years ago. I'm ashamed too that I once pondered buying diapers or cigarettes and I chose cigarettes! I always quit when I was pregnant and would start up again but never around my kids.
Fortunately, he smokes outside but he still reeks of it when he comes back in. I've tried asking him to not play with our 4 year old right after he's come in and he just gets irritated with me so I don't even feel like I can say much because he just takes it as nagging. He may have to be one of those stubborn enough to have to get sick before he wakes up. I don't know. There's just not a whole lot I can do about it.
Thanks for writing, kathyjo. I appreciate it.
April, you have to understand that there is nothing you can say, buy, do that will work, unless HE WANTS it.
He has to come to terms with his addiction and do it himself and no amount of moaning and groaning on your part will change this.
My husband is an ex-smoker like you and when he commented or said anything derogatory, it made me feel bad and made me want to hurt him back.....by smoking more. In retrospect I understand now that I was only hurting myself, but back then, it was the only way for me to fight back (dumb)!
As for him reeking, well there truly isn't much else to say about it, other then to make him stay outside and perhaps take a long walk in hopes that some of the smell will leave.
Besides wearing a shirt over my clothes, I stay outside a minute or two and inhale fresh air. It takes a few inhale/exhales to get the smoke out of the lungs. The house will reek of the smoke trapped in my lungs if I don't do this. Winters the worst, when the house is closed up.
It sounds like your husband is not even close to being ready.
Congrats to you, April, for your 15yr quit. That's just awesome!!!
You know what, Jade? In all honesty, I couldn't have done it without God, seriously. I had tried so many times before but always went back. When I came back to God as an adult, I gave him my smoking and prayed about it and he even took away my cravings! Really! Something that had never happened before. I will always be grateful for the awesome God I serve!
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