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My husband won't quit smoking - how can I help?
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My husband won't quit smoking - how can I help?

My husband has smoked for probably 30 years. He's 49 now. He has cut way back mainly because he can't smoke at work and such. He goes outside when he's at home, so I think he only has a few at home. He did quit drinking several years ago so I know he can quit smoking. I know how hard it is. I quit smoking 15 years ago. The thing is, he doesn't want to and I don't understand why. My kids used to beg him to quit, even leaving him notes saying they didn't want him to die. They don't bother him anymore, which is kinda sad. I don't know how he could stand it. I couldn't do that to my kids. That's why I quit a long time ago. I've even gotten angry with him and told him he was being selfish and not thinking of his kids. I don't nag him anymore. I know it doesn't work.

What worries me is that both his parents died from smoking related illnesses and they both died way too young. His father died in his 60's of emphasyma and his mother died in her 60's of lung cancer. They both were heavy smokers. You would think this would have scared the **** out of him and made him quit, wouldn't you? But it didn't. I just don't get it.
My husband has recently seen a doctor who said his blood pressure and cholesterol were too high and gave him medication for that. I don't know if the smoking can make that worse or if it just makes it more dangerous.

My question is, can someone give me some statistics maybe that I could give him that might make him stop and think? Does his family history mean he's doomed if he keeps smoking? I just don't understand how he can be so nonchalant about all of this. I'm guessing he's in denial or something.
I honestly don't know what to do anymore or if there is even anything I can do except pray for him. I've tried the nagging, the guilt trips, even throwing out cigerettes, etc. I tried buying him things to help him quit. Nothing worked. He just hid it from me more. I've kind of given up. I know he's a grown man and I can't make him do anything. I'm trying to understand and support him. I just worry about what he's doing to his health.

I'd love to hear from others on their thoughts and what they think I can say or do here. Thank you so much.
April
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-6 Comments Post a Comment
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203342_tn?1328740807
By the way, that wasn't a curse word, lol. I don't know why MH deletes the word c r a p. So, I was saying I don't know why that didn't scare the c r a p out of him.
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326505_tn?1304172825
The truth is, there is absolutely nothing you can do or say that is going to make him quit. He has to want to do it and when that happens, then you can support him.
I smoked for 38 years and EVERYONE begged me to stop, gave me all the reasons why I should want to quit, but I needed to want to quit for myself. On my 50th b'day I joined the gym and decided that I would try. It took me 2 years to finally suceed and today I celebrate my one year anniversary!
You might want to show him the "Motivation" at whyquit.com  It's vert scary and it shows just how vunerable smokers are, but you really have to let him decide, sorry.
Good luck and be patient : )
Kathy Jo
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203342_tn?1328740807
I guess when I asked about statistics I was wondering if because of his family history he will just be following in their footsteps. I just don't understand why that doesn't seem to affect him. I mean BOTH of his parents died from smoking related diseases! You would think that would make him think, you know? If he had better genes then maybe I wouldn't be as concerned. I mean, George Burns smoked cigars until he was what, 90 or something? But he probably had strong family genes to back him up.
I know my family genes aren't too good either. It does make me think.
I was just wondering if this increased his odds of getting the emphasyma or lung cancer since his parents had that or if that was purely from their habits? I don't know if something like that could be hereditary.

I know I can't make him quit. He is in such denial. He doesn't even want to talk about it. I just don't want to find him dead someday, you know? I guess there's not much I can do. It's encouraging that he has cut down. I just wish he'd take it to that next step.

Thanks everybody,
April
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596485_tn?1253825278
I really don't mean to sound harsh but the reality is that you really don't need any additional statistics.  He already has them 2 parents smoked 2 parents died from smoking that is a 100% death rate in his immediate family from smoking.  Every family is different.  I have one of those families where everyone lives to be 100 without illness no matter what they did.  Others like my husbands and yours aren't so lucky.  He has the stats and right now he just does not want to quit.

As I see it the best you can do is tell him you care.  It really stinks but that is addiction people that are addicted chose it over love and family everyday.  I do wish you the best.
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Avatar_n_tn
you might also try the financial angle---put that "cig" money into college funds for the kids----probably won't work either, but just a thought.  Myself, I wish they cost at least $50 a pack----would people still pay this??????
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203342_tn?1328740807
He smokes the generic brands, ugh. That's his excuse. He's also cut way down. I've tried the whole nagging, guilt trips, encouraging, etc. All I can do now is pray. He won't quit till he's ready.
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Avatar_n_tn
Get the book by Allen Carr, The Easy Way to Stop Smoking. It worked on me and my in-laws. My husband refuses to read it so I completely empathize your frustration. My husband is very immature and all his friends smoke, and his work actually rewards him for smoking. Hopefully your husband isn't as bad and will give the book a try. Amazon has it, hardcover, for around $10. Good luck!
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Avatar_m_tn
the financial thing worked for a friend of mine!
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